Pretty Girls Lie ( A Trey Songz Complicated Love Story )

Pretty Girls Lie

And I'm back !

Thanks for reading and don't mind the mistakes.

________________________________________

Chapter XXVII:

[THE NEXT DAY]

TATIANA'S POV

Why ? Why me ? What did I do ? Why did my baby leave me ? Why is he not still alive ? Why did I stop crying ? Why am I so hurt ? Why did I not kill myself ? I can't continue anymore. It's too hard. God, why ? I don't understand and I will never. My little baby boy. I carried him during nine long and lovely months. I started to love him after one month of pregnancy. It was crazy. Loving someone who is not even born and is growing in my stomach. I shared my food with him. I couldn't sleep some nights because of him, but I had nothing against it. My baby was hungry and I had to feed him, what means even at crazy times of the night. The first time I saw him at the ultrasound, I was so happy and the only thing I wanted was to hold him. I couldn't wait. We couldn't wait. Devonte and I were so excited. We had settle everything in advance to be ready for the right time. We went like ten times and even more to baby shopping. I sometimes went with the girls. Until I made my decision on the godmother, they were always arguing about it making me laugh. I finally choose Naïma. I knew her since forever, so the title was for her. Tif and Tina was angry at first, but got over it really quickly. They just made me promise them to have more kids, like that each one of them  will be able to be godmothers. But I don't think that I could have another kid now. It's not because I don't want to, but because I'm scared. I'm scared that it happens...again. Nobody deserves to go through what I'm going through right now. It's too hard.

I continued to stare at the wall as I'm doing since I don't know when, just thinking. I'm replaying these last ten months in my mind, over and over again. I can't help myself. A movie with a sad end. That's my life. That's not how I planned it, but it's what is happening right now. Please, someone can pinch me, please. Every day I wish it's a very bad dream and that I'm going to wake up, but I didn't wake up. I didn't wake up because it's not a dream. It's the reality. A disaster. Mine. And I can't do nothing about it. Well, I don't want to do something to make the situation better. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm weak and I don't want to fight or be strong. That's what everybody is telling. That's the only thing that they know to say. I don't need to hear that shit. That's why, I let nobody see me anymore. Their pity. I hate to see this on their face. And I'm tired to hear them asking me how I am. How would you be if you had given birth to a beautiful baby and two days later they tell you he's gone ? How would YOU react ? 

I shook my head thinking about these annoying people. I know they're my friends and family and they want to help me, but they're doing everything wrongly. They need to understand that I want to be ALONE. I need them to let me...mourning. I need time to accept the situation. To accept that...my baby...died. 

I looked to my left where the little brown Teddy bear was. Devonte had bought it one week before the birth. The act made me cry. I was happy that D took his responsibilities and didn't leave me. He was by my side all the time, taking care of me and...the baby. He was so proud to know that he was gonna be a father. He was always saying that he'll try to be the best dad ever. That he'll try not to do mistakes. We're human being, what means that we're not perfect, so he'll do some mistakes, but I do knew that he'll never hurt me...or the baby. 

I looked my tear falling on the Teddy bear's stomach. In less than one second, water was running on my cheek. I didn't even wipe my face. I let the tears fall and wet the bear. Why did I stop crying ? It feels good to let everything getting out this way. That can't fix my heart, but that let me express my sadness. I don't want to talk about what I'm feeling, to anybody, so I'm going to cry.