{ #2 } I Would Give Him The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 52 - What Have I Done?

       

(Liam's POV - Sun. 20 April 2014)

"Don't you Liam me! Just leave me alone! And have fun finding a new toy!!" I shout, rage now burning within me, not paying attention to Liz's face who appeared through the bushes far behind Joshua. I don't want to hear any more than that. I just can't. I have to go away from here. Now.

Joshua is still holding the cheek that I just slapped, obviously shocked by my sudden outburst, but honestly, I don't even care. I turn around and leap up the flight of stairs to get back inside the house, slamming the door of the kitchen so hard that I am surprised that its window didn't shatter into pieces. The thick window is obviously stronger than my little heart which has shattered to pieces. I climb upstairs and shakily grab my duffel bag in the guest room, pull out my leather pants and stuff from the club that I discard on the bed to shove my personal clothes in, the few ones that I had brought here from my apartment. With the bag in hand, I hurry to Joshua's bedroom - yes Joshua's bedroom, not our bedroom I sarcastically think to myself - fearing that he might show up at any second, but as I pass by the window that opens on the backyard, I am relieved to see him still standing in the garden, frozen in the same position as two minutes ago, his eyes locked on the kitchen door I believe.

Maybe I should go back down and see if he is alright...? No! Certainly not! Detaching myself from this sight and quickly noticing that Liz has disappeared from where she was spying our loud argument, I gather my pajama pants and clothes from yesterday in the hamper, put them in my bag before I go back down, finally ready to leave. Just before I open the entrance door, I turn back and get a last look at the beautiful house where I shared so many beautiful moments with Joshua. For some reason, I remember the first time Joshua brought me to his home in October last year. That was the night before I offered him my virginity and also after the first time he took me to the club to show me what the relationship between a Dominant and a Submissive looked like.

Well, I saw what it looked like, and I even experienced it. These last few months have been the best in my life and I don't regret a single minute I spent with Joshua, nor do I regret losing my virginity to him because I think that I was already falling for him at that time. He was right when he said that I would fit in the lifestyle and I loved it. I sincerely loved it but it is just not enough for me. It worked in the beginning because I wasn't sure about my feelings for Joshua and I didn't mind not knowing what he truly felt for me. Besides, there was still this boyfriend relationship that worked between us and we had some very good moments together.

However, for the past few weeks I have realized that my feelings are getting much stronger than just the Submissive's to his Dom and I have needed to express these overwhelming emotions that seize me to the chore each time I see him or I am around him. This is not something I can keep to myself forever but more importantly, this is something I need to share with someone who feels the same for me, and it doesn't seem to be Joshua's case. Unfortunately, I don't think that I will be able to stop loving him, but I'd rather be on my own with my love for him than with him and seeing that he doesn't return the same emotions. So, am I making a mistake if I leave? Maybe yes, maybe not, but I can't stay with Joshua if he doesn't love me.

Should I go and tell him that I am leaving? I don't think so. My last message was clear enough and he must have understood it, so I sling my duffel bag across my shoulder and head out, giving a last look to the beautiful house. As I reach the street, I eventually wonder about how I am going to get home now. Joshua lives in a small town and since I was always driven there by either him or Tony, I don't even know if there is a train station or some taxis around here. Going up North where I believe the city center is, I begin to brood over my thoughts, grateful that I have calmed down and that my tears have stopped running. At least for now. About five minutes into walking, a car that I recognize as one of Joshua's pulls over a little ahead of me and I freeze because I don't want another argument with him already, and especially not in plain sight.