Summertime Sadness (James McAvoy fanfiction)

Chapter 55: "Yoü And I"

''Well, Jamie has, finally, fallen asleep.'' I sighed throwing myself into the sofa. ''He has told me he does like you.''

''I was afraid he wouldn't.'' James said sitting by my side.

''I told him before, and he liked the idea of meeting you for once.'' I nodded my head. ''His reaction today is the answer.''

''Indeed.'' James sighed distracted.

''What did you want to talk about?'' I asked him. ''If it is because you want to stay with Jamie a few days or at the weekend, we can set some dates and...''

''What do you mean?''

''Nothing at all.'' I shrugged. ''What is it?''

''I'm going to pretend you've never said that.'' He sighed.

''James, you've got something in mind.''

''I want us to be a family.'' He stated. I coughed.

''And then what? Here and now, I have to say it's been a few. I don't even know how to get closer to you. I don't know you at all.''

''You do, but the thing is that you are afraid.''

''Perhaps.'' I sighed resting my head in his shoulder, closing my eyes. ''I still have that hole inside.''

''May I start asking you about the pregnancy? How it went, I mean.''

''Sure, of course.'' I replied nodding twice as I crossed my legs in over the cushion. ''First of all, I do not pretend to remind you what happened.''

''It's fine.'' He grinned and nodded.

''I spent the entire pregnancy crying, I'm not going to lie.'' I sighed, looking away. ''I had my doubts because it's tough to face parenthood alone. But I decided to carry on because it wasn't the child's fault. Despite all of that, I had ravenous hunger, some cramps, but in general, it went quite nice.''

''And what about the name?''

''I knew I would call the baby Jamie and no one could stop me. Exactly when the nurse told me it was a boy and it became crystal clear. After that and a few months later, Jamie was born the 15th of June, but in Romania, exactly Bucharest because we had a certain and the kid wouldn't wait a few days more. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend a birth like Jamie's because it did hurt so, so much. I mean, I spent seventeen hours in labour. Luckily I've got the same shape before the pregnancy.'' I chuckled. ''But... It's worth it. The first time I saw his face, your image came to my mind.''

''I wish I'd been there, with you.'' James said and let go a sigh. ''I just don't understand how you can still forgive me.''

''Hey, it's fine.'' I whispered grabbing his hand. ''Because I will always forgive you no matter what. Same as you did when I abandoned you, when I spent months depressed... We all do.''

''You didn't asked for the divorce?'' He asked gazing me.

''I didn't.'' I frowned. ''I hoped you would show up someday.'' I shrugged this time.

''I've missed you. The reason why I didn't kiss you at the airport was because Jamie probably... ''

''I do agree.'' I said. ''What about you those years?''

''I've been working, travelling, alone and looking for you.'' James sighed. ''After a year, I did ask Michael, called people that knew you, went to your class, and also to Germany, but I failed. No one knew where you could be, what were you doing, if you were okay... Nothing. It would be a lie if I told you I've been fine. I just returned to every place we'd been to, mainly and hoping you were there. I wept more than I thought I could. It was just a nightmare, so Michael cheered me up that day and told me to distract myself, which I accepted three years later.''

''You paid the consequences of something that was not of your business.'' I growled.

''We both did, and right now we can do anything but let it behind.'' He said trying to calm me, with both hands on my cheeks. ''What keeps me calm right now is that you haven't changed at all.''

''I want you by my side, you hear me?'' I hissed and he chuckled.

''Aye, ma'am.'' He replied, making me laugh too. ''Anything you want as long as I'm alive.''

''Then why don't you prove it and fucking kiss me? Because I'm still waiting.''

''And why don't you do it? You know I will not complain.''

''Because it's hard to me.''

''So is to me.''

''Jesus, when did you become so...'' I mumbled.

''You say what?'' James said and cocked an eyebrow.

''I hate you.'' I hissed, kissing him finally.

''Was it that hard?'' He asked against my lips.

''Indeed.'' I said. ''I better go to sleep.''

''Where?''

''With Jamie?'' I giggled.

''Don't wake him up, it's not necessary.''

''I almost forget.'' I said walking towards my handbag. ''I've brought some pictures you might want to see. This one was taken when he was born at the hospital room, and the rest... Well, see them yourself.''

''Do you have any video?'' He questioned, grinning at the pictures.

''Indeed, but I will need a computer or an item if you don't want to check them out on my phone.''

''The phone will be fine.'' He replied .

''Well, this is the first day I came to my class with him, a month later and Natasha filmed, she begged until I accepted.'' I laughed pointing at the screen. ''As you can appreciate, the huddle around me was formed b- James are you crying?''

''What? No I-I... No.'' He replied but sobbing.

''Okay, let's take a break and I will show you another da-''

''I'm fine, dear.'' He said, kissing my cheek.

''Why are you weeping?'' I chuckled. ''I do understand, but... Don't deny it.''

''Nice, I was crying.'' He rolled his eyes. ''Anyway, maybe tomorrow we could take Jamie to my parents'.''

''That's... Actually that's a funny thing, McAvoy.'' I replied laughing nervous. ''What do they know?''

''Nothing.'' James said this time frowning. ''Let me talk to them before you come in, right?''

''Christ, the same thing you told me when I met them.''

''This time will be... Weird.''

''Indeed.''