Summertime Sadness (James McAvoy fanfiction)

Chapter 6: ''Heaven let me think was you.''

 ''James, I think you're way too drunk.'' I chuckled taking his glass away from him.

''First, bring it back. And second-'' He took it again, then, kept talking. ''I'm not that drunk, I know what I'm saying.''

''You know I can't trust you because you said the last words singing, right?'' I sighed a bit tired. Maybe it was just because I was dazed and confused.

''What can I do then? Or what I have to do? Because I want you to trust me.'' And that was the point. I didn't know what to answer or even say because it was hard to me to trust people.

''You're drunk, well, we're drunk and I just want to sleep.'' I mumbled trying to stand up. ''You shouldn't drive tonight, I think you should and you must stay at home tonight if you don't mind.'' I yawned stroking his hair softly. ''Also I can borrow you clothes if you want.'' We both laughed at this, then I kissed his cheek.

''Well... I better go to bed and change my clothes first.'' He said grinning this time. ''Goodnight.'' He said before he left the room.

The hours passed and I was sleeping like a baby, but something woke me up. I was having another nightmare in which I couldn't talk, I just saw everything dead. It was like I was back again in the past.

''James? What's wrong?'' I mumbled as I opened my eyes. I rubbed my forehead trying to keep everything under control.

''You were having a nightmare, and also I can't sleep.'' James said embracing his pillow.

''I usually have them.'' I sighed and shrugged. ''Why you can't sleep? Now it's... Three in the morning, you should have told me.''

''Look, I know, but I'm sorry.'' He said sitting on the floor.

''Don't sit there, come here.'' I mumbled tapping the surface of the bed. ''Sorry about what? You didn't do anything wrong.''

''I shouldn't have told you that I like you.'' He answered simply.

I shocked confused. ''Are you being serious?''

''Well, why do you think I'm not being serious about this?'' He raised his left eyebrow.

''Because you know what happened to me? Because you know that I can't trust anyone even if I want to?'' I asked looking into his eyes. ''See James, I'm not saying that I do not trust you, it's just me.''

''Then you should trust me if I tell you that I like you. And a lot.'' I sighed again when he answered.

The worst thing about it was that even if I wanted, I couldn't trust him because of the past, of my past.

I really liked him back, but it was hard to explain. I didn't want to lose him just because of a relationship or whatever, he showed me that he was different, something inside me told me that.

He stroked my cheek softly. ''I still try to guess what your eyes say.''

''I am scared.'' I confessed with my eyes barely open. I could feel the dizziness again.

''Then welcome to the club.'' He joked and I hit his arm lightly.

''I don't want to lose you because you mean so much to me and also I don't want to ruin this because I like you as well. And a lot.''

 ''But... Do you think that I'm going to hurt you? Do I want to hurt you?'' He took both of my hands.

''No, and I'm scared.'' I repeated.

''Scared about your feelings, don't you?''

I didn't know what to say anymore. I looked into his eyes again, like it was going to solve anything, but it wasn't.

I needed to tell him that I wanted to be with him, the room he had in my heart, but I was speechless.

''I'm not going to push you. If you don't want to answer or if you need time, I do underst-'' We were kissing. Well, I kissed him because sometimes acts are better than words, I did it so.

''Do you need another answer?'' I mumbled.

''Maybe, but another one like that.''