A Deadly First Love

Chapter 32

 I couldn't breathe.

I couldn’t fill my lugs with air and I couldn’t hear my heart beating in my ears.

The panic set in as I tumbled to the ground. I tried for my inhaler that was on the side table but it was all used up. I could feel the pain in my chest and the tears wet my face as I lay there immobile. I couldn’t form coherent sentences or make sense of what was happening. There weren’t any thoughts in my head or plans or images, it was just blank. My vision became spotty with black dots.

I started to feel light and then the pain was gone, just vanished like it was never hurting me. That’s when the white light entered my vision; it was all I could see. I felt myself wrapped in sudden warmth and my mind played a little story behind my closed lids.

It was a story of a boy and a girl in middle school. The girl was sitting in the class room laughing and talking loudly with friend instead of doing the class work. In walked a boy and presented his class schedule to the teacher. While the teacher looked the paper over the boy looked around and his eyes set on the only girl who wasn’t staring at him, in fact she hadn’t even noticed him. The girl noticed her friend trying to discreetly tell her to look towards the front of class but the girl was too impatient and wanted to tell her friend something before she forgot it. Still she looked towards the front to see a boy staring at her but then not really caring looked back towards her friend but then quickly snapped her eyes back to the boy. Needless to say it was love at first sight. A couple weeks later his tanned cheeks were a light pink as he asked her out.

The next story was of the same girl only she was three years younger, in elementary school.

Today was the first day at her first baby sitter. The only reason she had to get a baby sitter was because her parents wouldn’t be home to watch over her in the morning. She was scared and wanted to look her best. Her dad was taking her, you could tell by the way she acted that she didn’t very much like her father. She watched timidly as he knocked on the door. A middle aged Spanish woman opened the door and invited them in. They stepped through the threshold and closed the door behind them. The girl stood timidly by her fathers’ side as he talked over payment and care. She wanted the little baby girl crawling in the other room. The smell of baby food, diapers, and cereal filled her nose. Oddly enough she loved the way it smelled.

On the side of the lobby a closed door, it suddenly opened and through ran an older girl quickly followed by a boy the same age. The room was a bathroom with two doors, giving it two entrances and exits. The older girl ran past the girl and her father without even glancing at them but the boy... He stopped the moment his eyes connected with the girl. This would be her first real crush.

Moment’s passed in my eyes of this little girl with both boys. Admiring one from afar and holding the other close. In each memory the three kids grew older and older. I knew I knew these kids from somewhere but it wasn’t until the first boy kissed a familiar girl that I realized that this was my life with Jonathan and Ricardo playing through my mind. A life I had come to love even if it meant being torn to pieces inside, this was a life I didn’t want to be without. A life I wanted to protect at all costs.

I could hear voices in my head.

“Para siempre, no importa que pase, siempre te amara. Nunca duda eso, baby. I’ll always be here. Like the sky I’ll never go away, whether the sun is shining or the moon is looming over.” Forever no matter what, I’ll always love you. Never doubt that, baby.

“I’m always around, Elmo. Mi ojos siempre estan viendo te y mi corazon siempre esta con tigo. Aunque no lo parezca. Créame.” My eyes are always watching you and my heart is always with you. Even though it doesn’t seem like it. Believe me.