His Madame. C.D

.25

Grace.

10:02 am

Dirty windows rattle overhead. Broken switch won't turn off the dread. A flower carts sleep with gray canopy. Blue hides beyond infinity.

Tiny world walls surround. Doors jambs swell, I am bound. The smaller my cube the more I pick. Yet droplets without a lick.

Hunger consumes wasted words. Cupboards cluttered with thirsty birds. Procrastination wears heavy on my floor. Stained and crumpled dreams clutter more.

Showers will come. The well will fill. Current flows once still. Walls disappear. Windows clear. The beyond invites, if I dare.

1:56 pm

I started my rebellion with a hair tie, blood red. Holding together the night time of my hair. An exposed artery on my head, in a place where rules didn't allow for color.

A girl doesn't need a blade to start a war. We rolled up our skirts like rebel flags, saluting each other. With an inch of skin above the knee; our colorful watches decorating our wrists.

Like naval flags sending messages in code- "sleep over tonight. Brings knives. This town doesn't know what we're made of."

The man who had taught me algebra tried to calculate my worth by the curvature. The size of my growing breasts. So the girl took his calculator and let the numbers block his screams.

They left a crime scene littered with glitter. To let everyone know- we may be soft, youth - tinged,bright pink, but our souls are dark and our hearts are diamond.

The lunch room was no mans land, our cliques become platoons- cheerleaders, and débutantes sticking rhinestones on our jackets. Like war medals, we taught ourselves to kill, to put makeup on. With eyeliner sharper to a point.

My best friend did my nails and said, "scratch, and you'll rip their eyes out. I guarantee."

We hunt like killers, sugar and spice cocktails, stolen vodka mixed with cherries and blood.

Stealing hearts and playing games, running from age while the cops trail behind.

5:31 pm

I was a slave, to my mind. For a long time. Now I'm free and I don't quite know what to do with myself.

6:59 pm

"There is no creature crueler then a teenage girl." This, my father told me. As we discussed my sisters severance from her best friend of three years, as we spoke of how they can be petty, of how they can be jealous, of how they set their grudges in stone.

"There's something dangerous about boredom of teenage girls." This, Megan Abbott wrote. And we adopted it as a sort of mantra. As we spoke of bubblegum in hair, of lighters at quick fingers, of cat fights and cat calls, and ever charming claws.

"There's nothing more broken or more unbreakable than teenage girls." This, I told myself. This, I tried to tell the world. This, I want carved on my tomb.

They're glamor. They're a pretty painted house with a cracked foundation. They're best friends sewing broken-hearts back together again.

Teenage girls are restless fingers. Teenage girls are wandering hands and searching eyes. They're too tight hugs and too short skirts and too much of nothing to do.

They've broken themselves so you never can. They've taken themselves apart, over and over but when they put the pieces back together again they never fit quite the same. And teenage girls aren't sure they want them to.

8:47 pm

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.

9:52 pm

Cameron told me he gave me the best memories...
It's sad when people who gave you the best memories, become a memory.

10:14 pm

We need to stop an realize that they aren't going to come back one day and give us the apology we need and deserve. Because life isn't a fairytale and sometimes we aren't going to get any closure or happy ending with the one we loved. So we need to get over that bridge and let it go.

10:59 pm

I knew I loved you when every thought I had, had you in it. I knew I loved you when I saw your brown eyes in my mind even when my eyes were closed. I knew I loved you when I found myself dreaming of us together in the hospital bed. I knew I loved you when you broke me, but I cared for you anyway.

I still do.

11:11 pm

I'm supposed to make a wish?

I wish my life was over. I wish I died in that plane crash. I wish Cameron the best.

11:12 pm

Bye.

I rolled my eyes as I threw my journal to the floor ahead of me. I mentally cursed myself once I remembered that I can't get it back because it's so hard to walk.

"2 more days... 2 more days," I whispered to myself. I looked around the room for something to do and, I reached for effys bag on the floor and grabbed her iPad.

I tried to remember my Netflix account password but nothing came to my mind.

What's my Netflix account information?

I sent to Cameron through the iMessage that was connected to the iPad.

Idk, want mine?

He replied a minute later.

Yes please Im freakin bored out of my mind.

Imdaddydallas@hotmail.com

Pass: graceBlood (make sure the B is upper cased)

I rolled my eyes as I thanked him and put his information into the Netflix log in.

I had no idea what to watch because mostly everything was eye candy to me. I really wanted to watch the notebook but stupid Netflix doesn't want to put it on the app for whatever reason that is.

I scrolled around until my eyes caught a show called 'shameless.'

fucking Gallaghers.

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5 comments and 5 votes for an update Saturday.

I decided to write a few of graces journal entries if that's alright.