His Madame. C.D

.7

Grace.

once Nash let me in the gate to the pool area, he had a smirk on his face. little does he know Cameron didn't really do anything to me.

soon Cameron arrived and began talking to Nash. I was dragged somewhere and I turned around to see it was effy pulling me.

"what are you doing!?" she practically yelled at me.

"what are you talking about?" I asked trying to play dumb, but I knew she didn't believe me.

"you and Cameron!"

"I I think I love him," I stuttered.

"you must try to stop loving him."

"I know I do. I don't want to get my heart broken," I told her truthfully. that's why I didn't tell Cameron I liked or loved him back.

"the best way to not get your heart broken. is to pretend you don't have  one," she said turning her head to look at Cameron and Nash.

"what must I do?"

"why don't you just imagined it never happened?"

I shook my head quickly. I can't do that, I know I can't. it's been on my mind since the kiss that happened like 20 minutes ago.

"fine. i have some pills that will fuck us up, take your mind off of him. let's destroy ourselves until we forget okay?"

I looked over at Cameron as he kept talking and laughing with Nash. he looked over my way quickly and smiled, then turned his attention back to Nash.

gosh his fucking smile.

"okay," I said to effy with a smile as a smirk grew on her face.

we walked back to Nash and Cameron as they both turned to look at us.

"do you mind if we go hang out in my room Cameron?" effy asked him. he looked at me and nodded his head meaning yes.

effy looked between Cameron and i's staring contest and dragged me back into the house.

"grace this might take forever for you to forget," she said groaning as we walked upstairs into her room.

I sat in her bed as she rummaged through her drawers. she placed a bottle of pills, and some long stick thing.

"what's that?" I asked her.

"it's called spliff in the uk in the us it's weed," she said opening up the bottle of pills.

she handed me two pills and I looked at them before I took it. "are you sure about this?" I asked her. she smiled and nodded her head so I downed them and took a puff from the weed stick.

30 minutes later effy and I were smoking weed and dancing to the music in her room. I was high off of the rails right now. the door opened and effy and I stopped dancing to see Cameron with wide eyes.

"grace can I talk to you for a minute?" Cameron asked me. I slowly nodded my head as I threw the weed stick to effy before walking out with Cameron.

"I know you have some feelings for me and you need to admit it now," Cameron said looking dead in my eyes.

"I don't," I lied.

"you know what? I'm sorry' if this was us meeting for the first time I'd do it all again. everything, the fucks, fuck ups, everything. I'd do it all again."

he was making me hate him with a passion right now.

"stop it."

"I know you're lonely, I know you need someone to want you... well I do want you. so be brave, and want me back."

"stop it!" I said hitting his chest once.

"stop mind fucking me!" I added.

"I love you grace," he said holding my arms together.

"it's just not love if someone doesn't love you back," I said ripping myself away from his grip.

"that's the thing. I know you love me too you just don't want to admit it."

"maybe I do okay?" I said walking back into Effys room. I saw her sitting down on her bed facing me.

"I don't think you know how to love anything. it's either that or you don't want to," effy said. I sighed as I sat down on bed opening up the pill bottle. she snatched it from my hands and smiled.

"I think two is enough don't you think?"

"I wish I could change everything," I said groaning as I laid down on the bed.

"you can't change what's already happened. I wish you could. but you just can't."

"I was perfectly happy jumping over that balcony killing myself. but then he asked me to try, and for the first time in my life it felt like somebody actually gave a shit," I explained.

"you'll work it out. everyone does."

I shook my head. "I'm scared. I don't know if I can bear it anymore. I don't know what to do."

"the people who make us happy are never the people we expect. so when you find someone you've got cherish it," she said.

"so you're saying to open up?" I asked her.

she slowly nodded her head. "if he breaks your heart. don't try it again."

"I need to think about it."

"don't think. makes life much easier."

"then how do I know what I want to do?" I asked her.

"think about it like this. beginnings are usually scary, and endings are usually sad. but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living."

"life is fragile grace. you need to stop running or you're never really living," she added.

"but I just feel like..." I trailed off and she finished my sentence.

"exploding."

"I'll try. but how can I expect anyone to love me if I can't even love myself?" I asked her as I sat up getting ready to exit the room.

"just try."

I nodded as I was about to walk out of her room but she stopped me.

"you're mental."

"thanks," I said walking out of her room to my room.

I changed into something comfortable to sleep in until it was dinner time.

I have a lot on my mind.

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