His Madame. C.D

.8

Grace.

I woke up to a wet feeling under me, my first instinct was to reach down there and find out. I lifted my hand up and saw blood on my fingers.

NOT TODAY!

I groan as I sit up from bed, walk inside the bathroom, and sit on the toilet. that's why I wasn't feeling very well, because I was having cramps.

I fix myself up doing the period routine. after I walked downstairs to be welcomed, by effy sitting down in the living room watching tv.

"can we talk?" I asked her. she slightly smiled and followed me in the tv room.

"what's up?" she asked smiling a little bit. but not a lot, effy doesn't smile a lot.

"I'm damaged," I whispered to her.

"damaged people are dangerous. they know they can survive. I suggest we get monumentally fucked up," she said smirking.

"how come you always wanna get fucked up?"

"because I'm losing."

"what?" I asked her.

"myself." "the only thing I'm good at is destroying myself."

I looked down at the ground. "happy pills?" I asked her smiling as I looked
up to meet her eyes.

she nodded her head an we laughed the way to her room. she grabbed a bottle from the drawer, and handed me 2 pills.

"I'm going to get some vodka from the bathroom," she said getting up and walking away.

I grabbed about 5 more pills when she wasn't looking from the bottle and swallowed them. she came out with the bottle of vodka and passed me it.

I smirked as I opened it up and started to drink the burning sensation.

"when will it kick in?" I asked her as I laid on her bed staring at the boring ceiling. 

"any minute now," she responded laying down next to me.

5 minutes later effy and I were downing the rest of the bottle of vodka. everytime she wasn't looking I would sneak another pill from the bottle.

iv had 10 and I was now off the rails. there was still a bunch in the bottle so I hid the bottle in my pocket.

I noticed a squirting gun so I filled the little thing up with vodka.

"I'll be right back. I need to use the kitchen - I mean bathroom. yeah that," I said walking out of her room. I noticed Cameron walking towards me and I groaned as I slid down on the wall.

"what do you want?" I asked chuckling a little bit.

"what the fuck are you doing? are you drunk?" he asked walking towards me lifting me up from the ground.

"I don't belong here," I whispered.

"what are you on about?"

"my point is. there's no place for me," I said getting out of his hold.

"you can't run away from me."

"people always say they can't run away from there problems. but yeah they weren't running away fast enough," I said backing up away from him.

"grace calm down its the vodka getting to you," he said walking closer towards me.

"I'm a story. a fucking fiction. but you're not. my parents aren't. and I don't belong here."

my head was spinning with a bunch of information that I couldn't hold. I put my hands to my head and screamed.

"stop it get out of my head!" I yelled moving around vigorously.

"grace this isn't funny snap out of it!" appeared effy slapping me. I didn't feel it as I looked back up and walked towards Cameron.

"hit me. just once. I wanna feel something. hit me."

"no effy."

you fucking ugly piece of shit. he doesn't love you, nobody loves you.

that's the reason your own biological mother gave you up.

"that's not true stop it!" I screamed out loud.

"Cameron what's happening to her!" effy screamed but I continued shaking my head.

Cameron walked closer towards me and grabbed my arm. I started freaking out as I got out of his grasp and began to run.

I ran out the door, and down the street trying to get away. away from here, away from the world. it's probably just the pills & vodka getting to me.

but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way right now.

I stopped at a bench as I stood on top of it. I grabbed the bottle of pills and put most of it into my mouth. I grabbed
the water gun and began squirting the vodka into my mouth.

I smiled as I was at peace right now. I moved around smiling as I danced by myself on the bench. 

I started getting dizzy and the next thing I know I h-

                           -

I opened my eyes and recognized that I was in an ambulance. permedics were all over me, I saw Cameron and effy sitting down. Cameron was holding my hand looking at the ground, and effy had her head in her hands.

what the hell did I do?

"we can't have you awake mam," the perimedic said putting something over me that eventually put me to sleep.

-

I opened my eyes once more and noticed I was in the hospital gown.

"you overdosed," I heard a voice. I turned my head and saw Cameron sitting down next to me.

"you don't give a fuck about anything do you?" he asked me.

I opened my mouth to speak. it was hard to speak but I managed to get something out.

"nope," I whispered.

"why would you try to kill yourself?"

"you see. it's like nobody's fucking business and it's not exactly like anybody cares so.."

"I care."

"you think you know death. but not until you've seen it - really seen it. and it gets under your skin and lives inside you. you also think you know life, you stand on the edge of things, and watch it go by but you're not living. not really. just a tourist. a ghost. and then you see it - really see it. and it gets under your skin and lives inside you and there's no escape. there's nothing to be done. and you know what, it's good. it's a good thing. and that's all I have to say about it," he said getting up and walking out of the room.

leaving me in my own thoughts.

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