Chapter 45

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*THIS ONE MAY BE ESPECIALLY LONG, JUST TO WARN YOU. I COULD BE WRONG OR RIGHT BUT ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT I UPDATED RIGHT? YOU COULD CARE LESS? NOT AT ALL? OH YEAH OK THAT BE FINE ;-; NAH IM KIDDING. IM HAPPY TO UPDATE. ANYWAYS READ ON!*



Chapter 45

I immediately back away from Travis and said, "I have to go! I'm sorry but it's an emergency!" He was about to speak when I ran right past him and went after Jeff. God I'm a freaking idiot! Why did I let that happen?! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I ran as fast as I could but Jeff was way ahead of me. He must be back in the forest now. I took in a breath and ran faster. Despite the pain in my chest and my legs aching I still ran. I had to see Jeff. I can't leave things like this. He finally wakes up and I immediately fuck up big time. I just want to make him happy again and finally get to be with him after so long. But I know he won't feel the same way. After what I did he definitely won't feel the same way!

I made it into the forest and navigated my way to the mansion as best as I could while in a hurry. After a few moments I saw the mansion up ahead and sprinted faster. I nearly ran into the door once I skidded to a stop. I practically burst in and frantically looked for Jeff. Jack and Ben were on the couch along with Smile and Sally. They seemed to know what I needed and pointed up the stairs. I thanked them and ran up. As I got upstairs I saw Jeff storming off into another hall. I bolted towards him and managed to catch him in time before he ran off again. "Jeff! Wait!" I exclaimed.

He stopped and didn't turn to look at me. I panted heavily and said through breaths, "I...I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for that...to happen!" He didn't respond to my apology and just stood there, shoulders tense. I was getting desperate for a reply when he finally spoke. "Why?" he asked me, "why would you do that?"

I took a breath and explained, "I didn't think it would happen! I-It caught me off guard! I'm sorry! I swear it will never-!"

"Did you enjoy it," he interrupted. I was taken aback and said, "What? Of course not-!"

"Then how come it seemed like you did," he said as he finally turned around. My knees nearly buckled at looking at him. He looked more angrier than before but the sadness was still there. It pained me. I stammered out, "I-I didn't! Look I made a mistake! I'm sorry! How many times should I have to say it for you?"

"You don't need to even breathe a word to me," he said, "I don't want to talk to you!"

"But Jeff-!"

"You hurt me, Elizabeth! You betrayed me! After all that time spent being in my coma this is what I come back to?" he started yelling louder now, "I cheated death for you, for everyone! But mostly you! If I had known this would happen then I would've been glad to die! How could you do this to me? Did you just get tired of waiting and decided to go for that son of a bitch?! I fucking hate him and you knew that! He was no good for you! He doesn't deserve you! I do! I loved you!!!"

"Loved?" I said, my voice cracking slightly. He breathed heavily and said, "Yeah...loved. I've taken heartbreak all my life and when I finally realized that you were the one I thought it was all over. I thought you were different. I thought you would be mine forever...but I was only tricking myself. I should've realized that something like this would have happened eventually. Nothing lasts forever! Especially happiness..."

I felt tears sting the back of my eyes and I tried to contain them. "But, Jeff...I am different! I've always been different! I can be yours forever! Just please forgive me and we can forget about this!"

He shook his head and muttered, "No...I'm sorry but I can't let this happen ever again. I'm sick and tired of the bullshit my life has brought me! I lost my family! I lost my sanity! I lost everything vital to me! And now I lost my love for you. I'm done with all of this heartbreak! I'm done with it! Just done!"

"Jeff, you can't give up on this! You can't give up on us!" I exclaimed.

"There is no us!" he yelled at me. "Not anymore! I'm fucking done with you!"

That was my breaking point. The world around me seemed to slow and just disappear. I let a tear fall, then another and another until I was sobbing completely. I clenched my hands into fists and said, "I-I...."

"You what?" he said, "Huh? What? Say it already! Don't waste my time! Now fucking say it already!"

I couldn't say what I wanted to after that. I just cried. After all of those heartfelt moments together and it ends like this? It's my fault. I ruined it. Just like I ruin everything else. It's all my fault.....but.....Jeff was the one who wouldn't forgive me. I do mean it when I say that it will never happen again. He chose to not trust me. He chose to let me go. Why couldn't he see that this could've worked out? I could've been the one thing in his life that he would never lose. But now he's driven me away. It's my fault in the first place....but he's the one ending everything!!!

I grit my teeth and without warning I screamed at him. "You know what?! Fine! Break up with me! I don't care anymore! I don't need you in my life! I never needed you! So what if I would've died without you?! I deserve it! After all we've done you just go and throw it all down the fucking drain! You're nothing but a monster! And monsters don't deserve anything! All because they're too stupid to realize what they have. Stupid, just like you! I don't need you! You're right, I am different. Because I'm not a fucked up son of a bitch like you! I....I....I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!"

I panted and sobbed after that. Jeff just stared at me, not saying a word. After a long and terrible silence he said, "............I'm glad I'm leaving you....." I couldn't handle this anymore. I started walking away, wiping away tears. He called out, "Yeah, go and run away! Run away and go die in a hole for all I care!"

I swerve around and yell, "Shut up! At least I'm running away from something completely and utterly worthless to me! You're the biggest mistake I've ever made!!!" He didn't say a word, possibly because he was ignoring me or I got to him big time. He was speechless. Either way, we hate each other now and probably always will. I run down the stairs and out the mansion. As I run, I let hot tears streak down my face and let the cold air cool them to an uncomfortable feel.

I kept running and running far, far away. I didn't care where I ended up at this point. I don't care if I end up running all the way out of town. I just want to get away and die somewhere where no one will ever find me. After a while I got exhausted from running and stumbled to the ground. Once I fell I still tried to get up but I was too tired to move a muscle. I just lay on the cold dirt and cried. I don't care if I look pathetic and stupid. After what felt like forever I felt something nudge my leg. I sniffled and wiped away tears to see what was there. I was surprised to see Grinny there, flicking his tail back and forth. I sniffled again and pet his head. He purred and licked my hand. He got closer and snuggled next to me. I held him and mumbled, "Why would you come all this way just to see me? Why aren't you with Jeff? Why me?" As if to answer my question he meowed and licked away a tear that was rolling down my face. I kissed his little nose and cried.

After possibly an hour of staying out in the forest I decided that I needed to get home, to my mom and dad. I got up and started walking. Grinny followed me and I couldn't help but feel relieved. We made it to town and took the route to my house. I finally made it and knocked on the door. I picked up Grinny and hugged him while I waited for someone to answer the door. Finally the door opened and my mom came out. She gave me a smile but then noticed my glum and crying face. Before she could ask I slipped past her and ran up to my room. I slammed the door behind me and put Grinny down. I fell onto the bed and cried again. Grinny jumped onto the bed and tried coming over but hesitated as if thinking if he should or if he should just leave me alone for now. At least he's thoughtful. He's a smart cat.

I heard a knock at the door and someone came in. I looked up to see my dad. He gave me a concerned look and asked, "What's wrong, baby girl?" I shook my head and sobbed. He tried comforting me but he knew that it wouldn't work this time. So he got my mom to come in. She talked to me for a while but nothing got through to me. I was hearing her but I wasn't listening. Nothing helped. Eventually they were reduced to just letting me be until I feel better. They didn't even bother with Grinny, despite how he looks. Maybe they did notice but they just didn't want to deal with him right now. I got to that one point in crying where you just let the tears fall but you don't make any noise. It was painful. I'm pathetic. I ruined everything and now I'm here paying the price. I don't deserve someone to love me. I'll just fuck it up. I'll just do what I did back then before all of this happened. But I'm still the proxy so I can't go back to my normal life. And I'm still basically associated with everyone back at the mansion, especially Jeff. Ugh, I can't think about this right now. I'll just sleep and see what tomorrow brings me. Hopefully it's better than today.




Jeff's POV

"I said get out of my fucking room!!!" I yelled and threw my desk chair at Jack. He slammed the door before it could hit him and it clambered to the floor. I growled and sat on my bed. I hung my head and clenched my hands into fists. You're the biggest mistake I've ever made!!! Even though I didn't show it, those words hurt me. I know I'm a mistake but no one has ever told me. I wish I could just close my eyes and watch as my surroundings disappear, but I don't have any damn eye lids! I frown and sigh. All I can think about is Ellie and her tear filled eyes. A while after the fight a feeling of regret struck me like a tsunami but I knew that I'm too late to try and fix things. She said she hates me and I'm sure she means it. And I could say it as many times as I want to her that I hated her but deep down I still love her. Why did I let her go? How could I do such a thing? I'm so stupid. I fucked things up. Without realizing it I felt hot tears run down my face. This shouldn't bother me. This was bound to happen eventually right? I would've just gone through more heartbreak. So why am I crying? I covered my face and shuddered. I'm a cold blooded killer! Not a guy crying over the girl he loved, no still loves!

A couple of minutes later there was a knock at the door. It opened and I heard Ben say, "Hey bro, please we need to talk. Jack is scared shit-less and everyone else is worried. Just let us talk to you-."

"GET OUT!!!" I yelled at him and got up. He gave me a fearful look yet it was sympathetic. I don't need his sympathy! I growled and he said, "Jeff, don't get angry, we're only trying to help you."

"I don't need your help!" I said. He sighed and added, "Yes you do. Look at you, you're crying too."

"Don't you think I already now that?!" I yelled and let more tears fall. "Listen," Ben said, "I know what you're going through. So let me help you-."

"No you don't understand! Don't even say that you do!" I yelled. He frowned and said, "But I do!"

"Listen here you little fuckshit!" I growled. "You better quit your shit! I don't need anybody's help! Don't say you understand how I feel! So go back downstairs, tell everyone to stop worrying and go play some damn video games! Go away!"

"Jeff-!"

"I SAID GO AWAY!!!" I said. In my own rage I grabbed hold of my desk and hulled it forward. I lifted it up and threw it at Ben with all my strength. He yelped and backed away before he was hit. He fell back and looked up at me in horror. I stormed up to him and grabbed his shirt collar. I hissed at him, "Don't help me. Don't talk to me! Don't you even dare look at me! You may not be human but I will do everything in my power to kill you if you ever disobey me. Do you fucking understand? I don't need a little shit like you to understand how I'm feeling."

He frowned and muttered, "But I do. I can't believe you don't remember..." I frowned and remembered. I growled and said, "She doesn't have anything to do with this. She's your problem. Not mine! I don't care if she's dead! You don't have the right to use her as an example of my situation! You piece of shit!" I shoved him into the floor and went back in my room and stood at the doorway. Ben just looked at me in fear and anger. I frowned and said, "Fuck you." Then I slammed the door. After a while I finally heard his footsteps walk away and I broke down into more tears. I yelled and roared in rage as I threw stuff around, either breaking them or damaging them slightly. I cooled down after a few minutes and looked at my mess. I sighed and fell to my knees. I brought up the image of Ben's terrified yet hurt face in my mind. The way he looked at me was similar to that of all my victims'. The look they give when they're staring at a true bloodthirsty, cold-hearted monster. Ellie was right...I'm nothing but a monster who probably doesn't deserve love or any emotions at all. I shudder at the thought and lie down on the floor. I don't deserve a place to live in anymore either. After all the sins I've done I don't deserve to be alive too. But here I am, suffering from my own mistake. I'm sure after what I did and said to Jack and Ben, and after driving away Ellie, the proxy, I'll get kicked out of the mansion again. I'd be happy to leave. If it means I don't have to hurt my family anymore than they've already been hurt, I'd gladly oblige.

Sometime after another hour or so there was yet another knock on my door. I tried keeping cool and not throw anymore stuff. I watched as Ms. P, who I didn't know was here, stepped in. She closed the door behind her although that's stupid considering that if I do get angry that she'll have no way to escape me. But she has magic so she could probably just turn me into a sandwich in an instant or something. She sat on the floor and looked at me for a while. I didn't say anything as I lay on the cold surface of the hardwood floor. Ms. P risked her safety and put a hand on my forehead and stroked my hair back gently. I actually found it quite calming.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked me soothingly. I shook my head and she sighed. "Would you like to talk to me about what's going on?" she asked again. I thought about it and just shrugged. She got a little closer and said, "Tell me about it, Jeff. I promise I will help you feel better, at least for as long as it lasts." I don't know what made me talk but even if I didn't want to I did anyways. I told her everything without getting angry at all and she listened carefully. After I was done explaining she sighed and said, "I honestly don't know what to say but this...if you still love her then why break up with her?"

"I was extremely angry at the time and didn't know what I was doing," I explained. She pursed her lips and said, "Why didn't you go after her and fix things?"

"I was too late to try," I mumble sadly. Ms. P gave me a soft look and said, "There's always chances to mend what's broken." I stayed quiet and a few moments later Ms. P grew tired of the silence. "Is there any reason of why you're not going after her now?" she asks. I shift in my spot and think. Then I mutter, "Because if I do...then she'll only hate me more. I can't just break her heart and then come back to reclaim it. In a certain sense, that's very cruel. And besides, this is the best for the both of us..."

"How is it the best? Look at you, you're here wallowing in your own regret and she's...god knows how she feels. She's a sensitive girl, I know she is, and if you already look bad enough right now then think about how she's taking this. Probably a lot worse."

I start to think about Ellie, her crying, sniffling, shaking. It's terrible. But I can't go and fix that. "It's for the best because," I started, "....because I'll only hurt her in the end. I'm a monster and she's still such an innocent girl who deserves so much better than...this." -I motion to myself-, "It'll always end this way, no matter how much we love each other."

"But that's the key word in this problem!" Ms. P practically exclaims, "Love! That's just it! Love is eternal! Love never dies no matter what! Love is-!"

"Not meant to be...," I mumble. Ms. P stops and sulks slightly. I sigh and say, "Thanks for trying to help, Ms. P but things won't get any better if I get back with Ellie. This will only happen again and...neither of us have the emotional strength to go through this again. This is how it has to be." Ms. P knew that this signaled as the end of this talk. She sighed and got up from sitting on the floor. She walked to my door, opened it and stepped out. As she was about to leave, she poked her head in again and said to me, "A wise man once said...'Love is like the wind, it can shift from place to place, it can carry good things and bring in horrid disasters, it keeps going even if you don't feel it anymore, it has its gentle breezes and strong gusts, yet through all of its changes it still remains to be what it always was'. There's still a chance, Jeff. There always is." She closed the door and that was it, my room was engulfed in silence yet again. Even though I didn't want to, I thought about what she last said.

I hate how she's always right...




Elizabeth's POV

I had spent the night at my parents house and I have a feeling that I always will from now on. I'm kind of glad to be living in my house again but I'm a little ashamed of myself for feeling glad. Thank god the day before was Friday. After what happened yesterday...I don't think I'd be able to even get up for a school day. I roamed around my house aimlessly, not knowing what to do at all. Usually on Saturdays I play with Sally in the morning, then walk Smile around in the forest, then play a couple of video games with Ben, then play some board games with Masky and Hoodie and do a bit of training with Slendy and sometimes Ms. P, but if everyone is busy then I spend time with...Jeff.

I sigh and lean against the wall. I stare down at my bare feet and sulk. I still love Jeff, but I broke his heart so this is what I deserve. I wish I hadn't said I hated him. It was in the heat of the moment and I blew a fuse. I wish I could've taken it all back because I knew saying "I hate you" is the worst thing to ever say in a situation such as this one when you still want to be with that person you said it to. I screwed up more than I ever could and this is my punishment. And maybe if I'm lucky and I screwed up immensely then everyone else at the mansion will hate my guts just as much as Jeff does! God, being sarcastic doesn't help me feel better at all, not that I didn't already know that before.

I stop thinking about all of this and walk around the house some more. My parents have left for work so I'm home alone. I forgot how it all felt before my life got crazy. Before, I was perfectly fine with being alone and having time and space to myself, but after seeing the horrors of the unknown I'm terrified to be alone now. Walking around is all I can do to keep my nervousness down. I don't want to stay in one place. I decided that I should entertain myself with some TV shows. I turn on the TV and skim through channels. There's nothing good on at all around this time of day. I groan and decided to watch some host show. I left my laptop at the mansion. I'll have to go back somehow and get the rest of my stuff back too. I know I'll be staying at my parents' house for a long time. As I watched the host show, the TV started glitching and pixelating. The signal must be weak. I get up and mess around with the signal box on the wall. It says that the signal is perfect. I frown and look back at the TV. Maybe the programmers for the channel are screwing up the broadcast. I sigh and sit back down, waiting for the TV to clear up. It didn't so I just decided to turn the damn thing off. The screen went black as I hit the power button on the remote and I went to go walk around some more. I was about to walk up the stairs when I heard the TV come back on. I turn around and frown out of confusion. I know I turned it off. I went back to grab the remote and walked up close to the TV. I felt around for the power button but just as I was about to press it, static showed up and screeching blared. I was about to back away when a hand came out of the TV and grabbed my wrist. I dropped the remote and screamed. I tried pulling away but the hand kept pulling me forward. Either it was pulling me inside or it was hulling itself forward to come out. I'd rather neither of those options. I summoned my bracer on my free hand and made the blade pop out. I raised my hand to stab at the one clutching mine when a familiar voice echoed from the TV speakers. "Don't stab my hand! I come in peace, Girly!"

I would have never guessed who it was without the nickname at the end. I frown and return my bracer back into my symbol. I grab firmly onto the hand and jerk it back. Someone comes tumbling out of the screen and then the TV turns off. I look down at the culprit and cross my arms. He looked up at me, brushing blonde hair out of his black eyes. "Ben, what are you doing here," I asked him. He chuckled nervously and said, "Well I came here to see you."

I faltered slightly and said, "Me? Are you sure?"

He nodded. I furrow my brow and ask, "Why?" He got up and dusted himself off. He adjusted his green hat and said, "Well, for one, we are working on trying to find your grandmother and that other guy. And second...you're still my friend, I couldn't stop talking to you just because of what happened between you and Jeff."

At the mention of Jeff I grew concerned. I built up enough courage to ask, "How is he?" Ben grew quiet and seemed like he didn't want to say but he knew how concerned I was. He sighed and said, "He's pretty pissed. At least he seems to be when I try to help him. He won't talk to anyone else but Ms. P. It's kind of annoying me considering he's my best friend and all." I looked at the floor and sulked. Great, Jeff seems to be taking his anger out on everyone else at the mansion. They'll be sure to blame me for this. I'm surprised Ben is even here for me and me alone. I did just break his best friend's heart so he should be looking out for him and not talk to me ever again. Maybe Ben does hate me but he's only being nice for the sake of the world. I frown and speak up, "Well, what is it that you came here for exactly?" Ben brightened up and said, "Oh! Yes! Uh, I got some great news!"

"Great news?" I asked to make sure. He nodded and said, "Yeah, GREAT news! This is a huge stepping stone towards finding your grandma!" I was immediately intrigued and asked, "What is it?" He gave me a wide smile and said, "I know where Oliver Ferrell is!" After having been frowning for so long I smiled at the very great news. I don't feel better about yesterday but at least one good thing has happened. "Where is he?" I ask. Ben said, "In the next town over. It would take a couple of hours to get there but you can make it in a day." I nodded and paced around a little. I said, "So when should I go?"

"When should we go," he corrected. I gave him a confused look and said, "We?" Ben nodded and smirked, "Tomorrow we should be good to go. The early morning should be the perfect time to head out. We could get there by noon." A smile slowly grew on my face and Ben exclaimed happily, "We be taking a road trip, Girly!"













*I CAN ALREADY SENSE THE BURNING HATRED RADIATING OFF FROM EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. ;-; ONE WAY TRAIN TO HELL HERE I COME!!!!*

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