The Stage Manager

Bea: Losing It

 I can't believe that I had a meltdown in front of everyone. I never do that, really. Yes, I do stress out and pace around sometimes but I never have a meltdown. I never actually fully lose my cool. The pacing is usually how I keep from losing my cool, it's a stress reliever. But now I had had a meltdown, when I was so close to my retirement (as I was calling it), and had completely embarrassed myself. I had even gotten mad at Noah! He hadn't deserved it, he had just gotten in my way at the wrong time.

Now that I had calmed down and started to feel better about everything, Len was great like that, all that was left was my embarrassment. At the moment, I wasn't really worried about the crew, they knew that I was crazy and by now most of them would know why. And I never really cared what the cast thought of me as long as they were onstage at the right times. Anyone that mattered would figure out what was going on as well. What I was worried about was Noah. He had been super helpful during this stressful time and I had just blown up at him.

Len, however, wasn't very worried. Her main priority was keeping me calm throughout the rest of the show (and until graduation, for that matter) so she wasn't too worried about anything other than that. She just reminded me that Noah was a good guy and would easily forgive me if I just apologized. And even if he was still scared of me, he would understand if I told him what's been going on. I wasn't sure how I felt about telling him everything, it seemed a little too touchy feely for our relationship, but Len had never steered me wrong before so I had to trust her on this one.