Life's not out to get you |kellic]

{26}

Vic's pulse had cut off an hour ago. His last words to me, as I rushed into that hospital, were "You're back." And then, "I love you" until he suddenly shut his eyes and fell back. I still remember the sound of the alarm going off. How it pierced my eardrums, and how I didn't even care. I had Vic's suicide note folded into the same heart he did for me, securely in my back pocket. My eyes were wide with shock, my lips still, motionless. And I had my knees up to my chest out of horror. He killed himself because of me. All be issue I told him those terrible things. If I could just turn back time...I would. I didn't realize how fragile of a person he was.

"You're crying again." Tay told me. Her voice didn't match her face. I could tell she was holding it together, her eyes twitching slightly, the skin of her cheeks burning, and her voice hoarse. She then let it all out, and cried softly into my shoulder. Smoothing her hair, I cried with her. I thought of all the beautifully constructed words he thought of in his suicide note. I still couldn't believe they pulled the plug on him. On my boyfriend. Vic and I had a good relationship, and what do I do? I fuck it up. I said the wrong things at the wrong time. I was so mad, and he wouldn't let me go away. When I stay in once place when I'm upset, I explode. Which is exactly what happened.
_________________________
A week later

Crying. I hated doing it, but now it's become an everyday routine. I would wake up, read Vic's suicide note, cry. Take a shower, think about it in the shower, cry, and get back in my bed and dream of nightmares. If Vic were here, he'd wrap his arms around me and tell
me everything would be okay. He would remind me of what I meant to him. If he were here, we would be kissing or cuddling or
Having sex or discussing our deepest thoughts, or
Something. My eyes then peered over to the T.V. Vic's face had flashed across the screen. I got the remote and tuned it up, "a diamond bullet and a gun made of gold he was covered in blood last seen in his treehouse "Sanfransisco ". Victor Fuentes hung himself in Christmas lights randomly. His former boyfriend, Kellin Quinn, has found him there. And while he did make it to the hospital, he died shortly on the bed and his plug was pulled. All our hearts and condolences go out to his family and friends."

I threw the remote at the screen, "bullshit!" I shouted, my eyes burning and my fave damp and tattered. I've cried so much that the feeling was Almaty familiar, "you don't fucking care about him! You didn't know him! You didn't-"

"Kellin, stop."

I heard a voice say. It was Almaty a whisper, and that voice. It calmed me, I knew it somewhere. I let go of the remote. And blinked twice. I cursed myself for thinking this, but I spoke, "Vic? Is that you?"

It was quiet, until he literally appeared. But it's like he was here, but he wasn't. He seemed shadowy, and he looked different. His wore all white, and he gazed at me. I saw his eyes sparkle. I couldn't believe it.

"Is it really you?" I said in excitement, getting up from my bed. I expected to reach into nothing, but it was like he was real. I felt the side of his face, and he smiled at me. I kissed him, and it was like home. I loved it so much, I didn't understand how this was real, but I loved it-

Opening my eyes violently, I was met with Tay shaking me to death, "Kellin, wake up. We're going to be late to his funeral." Spoke Tay. We were in the car. And apparently we'd arrived at our destination. I hated cementaries. There were a bunch of dead people about hundreds of feet below you. A sense of dread washed over me. I wanted him to be alive so bad, is wished and hoped and prayed, but I think it was when I realized that he was actually gone, had I gone insane. I promised myself that I'd never do it, though. I'm never falling in love ever again. I don't want to. What Vic and I had was enough. I don't want anybody else.

____________________
Everyone shed tears and it was he saddest thing ever. Oliver and Parker were there. Tay, Aunt Molly, Vic's foster parents, Jaime, Tony, Mike, and some guy named Kieran who seemed to cry the most. Justin and Jack and Gabe showed up, and even Mr. Carlile. It was just a sad time, and i was trying to keep it together the most. Because if only i hadn't have blown up that one day, we wouldn't be here. It was time for me to say my eulogy. I didn't write one down, but I had just knew what I was going to say. With a thousand eyes on me, I began to speak, "Vic was an incredible person. Many people shamed him for the mental illness he had..being a pyromaniac, and burning down his house. But I saw through all that. I saw a gentle person who liked to give attention to people. A person, who had so many thoughts racing his head he was alms or certain that he'd go insane and I-" I paused, wiping away a tear, "I loved him. A lot. And I made a mistake one day, and he killed himself, okay? Bottom line. I've learned that not everyone is the way that they appear as. And not everyone is so strong, you know? Life isn't out to get us, but we have to make the best out of it. We can't let things get to us, and we can't let emotions take over us, we have to face our problems and not run. I guess what I'm trying to say is this, with ears to see, and with eyes to hear, let's cheers to this new chapter of our lives, as we grieve over Vic. He was very loved, and so, so lost. But he had a good run."

THE END