Life's not out to get you |kellic]

{ten}

A/N: trigger warning

I woke up to water, lots of it. one second I was having a peaceful sleep, then the next, I violently opened my eyes. I recognized where I was, but something was different. I was freezing cold, completely drenched. I looked up and saw that I was in the woods, the same place I was, when I was here with Vic last night. Shit, we must've fell asleep here!

"Get up, fag." I heard a voice say, the words cut through my skin and I scrambled to my feet, and so did Vic, apparently. The person who said it had a teasing but evil look in his eyes and he laughed arrogantly with his friends, "didn't know we had two softies at this camp."

I rolled my eyes, "w-what do you want?" I tried to demand him, but instead my voice shook. But as I looked down in his hands, I could've broken down right there. No, no, no, this cannot be happening. He was holding the picture of me before my prom, how did he get it? Crap, it was probably in my back pocket from when I shoved it up and put it there when I was back in Oregon, before I came here to Texas. I sighed, reaching for the picture, "give it to me."

"or what?"

"Hey, give it back to him." Vic roared, and i'd never seen him so mad. He pushed the other guys chest and then suddenly, the other guy had swung a fist to his cheek.

I gasped, "Vic!" I shouted, going over to him. The other boy didn't knock him out, just gave him a mark above his cheek. Anger swelled up inside of me. He didn't deserve this.

I turned back to the guy and his friend, "give me back the fucking picture, now!" I said, reaching for it once again. Vic looked so angry, but he wasn't as intense as he was yesterday night.

He sighed, "Phil, give him the god-damned picture before I report the both of you-"

"Why? Afraid some guys' gonna be peeping at your girlfriend?"

I froze, he had the wrong idea. This was bad, I bit my lip out of mere shock, and Vic responded before I could say anything, "you have a girlfriend?"

"N-no, I-"

The boy- Phil, started laughing with his friend, "ah man this is gold."

"Kellin is this true?" Vic asked curiously, but I could tell he was hurt, I saw it in his eyes.

Frozen.

Silence.

Whispers.

Running. I couldn't take all the pressure. Fuck the picture. I needed to get away. This was a horrible Idea, coming to the camp like this, I wasn't ready. How could I subtly tell Vic, or let alone anyone else that I was transgender? I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THIS TYPE OF THING WOULD POP UP! I exhaled, as I walked back to my cabin. Nobody was here, great. I then got under the covers and began to cry. I was trying so hard to not be loud but my sobs were silently deadly. I felt horrible, I hated myself in that moment. No matter where I went, no matter where I go, this person that I used to be will always haunt me. I then did what I no longer thought i'd do anymore. I didn't plan on it, but it was kind of just there. I reached down into my suitcase and pulled out a blade. I stared at the shiny sharp metal that I glamourized. I sauntered over to the small bathroom inside of the cabin and took off my pants.

One,

Two,

Three.

Three slits in between my thighs. It was like I was digging up roses in a forbidden garden. The pain felt so great because it was worse than the remorse I felt before that, It was addicting. I hadn't done this type of thing in a while, so I wasn't used to the metal digging into my skin. I bit my lip so hard that I was sure I was about to die. When I was done, and when all the tears had left, an di was so numb that I couldn't cry anymore or feel anything, I flushed the blade down the toilet. I had more in my luggage, plus that one was bloody.

I gasped, the realization sinking into me, "oh...oh my god!" I whispered to myself, brining my knees up to my chest, the blood smearing my legs and hips, "I just...I just did what I'd sworn i'd never do again, oh my god..." I half cried, half whispered. I was torn. I then got a paper napkin, wet it, and cleaned up my legs and pulled back up my pants.

After that I just sat there, until I couldn't feel anything anymore, until my eyes shut.