Life's not out to get you |kellic]

{nine}

A/N: I hate it when you literally feel a friend, or person you really like talking to, slip away until you suddenly stop talking to each other.

*****

The suspense of my situation quickened my heart, and I was full of adrenaline. Nothing about what I was doing made sense, but yet again it did. Something told me to go down here, I saw what I saw. I landed on my two feet, the jump wasn't as far as i'd expected. Shaking off the dirt from my red flannel, I clenched my flashlight tight and I held my breath, making my way through the profound darkness. I was aware of how the music from the bonfire decreased down here, and it was like walking into nothing. But suddenly, I saw and heard it again; it was a lighter, and turning into the direction I'd heard it from, I saw a figure. A dark figure. Holding my breath, I made my way over there, and was shocked once I saw who it was, but that wasn't even the creepy part. The thing that shocked me, was that the person had literally set their shirt on fire, and was burning. Dropping my flashlight, I ran over to Vic quickly, and snatched the lighter out of his hand, took his shirt off before the fire traveled anymore, and blew it all out. I couldn't see his facial expression, but he wasn't moving, he was immobile, it was like he was paralyzed. He kept on standing there, looking at nothing.

"V-vic...." I mumbled, my hands trembling, clutching onto the pale lighter, "V...Vic you're scaring me-"

He cut me off with a chuckle, "that's what she said when she found out."

I bit my lip, picking back up my flashlight. I was fully aware that I was now speaking to a killer, but he was different, he wouldn't hurt me, he couldn't hurt me, "who are you talking about?"

"Doesn't matter."

I shook my head, "why were you trying to set yourself on fire, Vic? Why?" I pleaded, "you can't do things like that to yourself. It's not safe."

"What makes you think i'm safe? Hell, i'm so destructive, i'm nothing, I feel nothing," he spoke, "all the time."

I licked my lips, and told him as I sighed, "I know you killed them," I said, "I...I saw an article online about how you burned your house down." I blurted out, not being able to keep it in any longer.

it was quiet for the longest, but he then finally glanced down at me, "are you afraid of me?"

I looked into his piercing eyes, due to the night as I shook my head, my voice coming out as barely even a whisper, it sounded like a lie, but I was telling the truth, "no," I told him, "i'm not afraid of you."

"Why?" he gritted his teeth, as he began walking away from me, so I followed him, turning my flashlight back on, "you should despise me, Kellin. I'm not that important, i'm a killer. When I told my Mom that I was a pyromaniac, she didn't even want to speak to me anymore. My dad thought I was crazy, and was arranging to send me to boarding school. I was so mad at them that day, I cried and listened to the rain in a rental car, I hated myself so much, it was bad, And i'd cried so many tears that I felt numb inside. So I decided that I was going to kill them, all of them. But I was going to do it in a signature way, I was going to set them on fire, because all my life it felt like I was setting myself on fire, to keep them warm, I couldn't take it anymore. I planned everything out with the gasoline and all, and that's when I lit the match and threw it."

I didn't realize that it was tears coming out of my eyes when he finished telling me that. I felt so bad and conflicted, how do you respond to that? It wasn't okay, what happened to him, but why did I feel so bad? Why did my heart ache whenever he said he hated himself? I cursed myself for doing this, but I took his hand and held it, looking straight into his eyes, "life is not out to get you, Vic." I explained, "what happened to you, happened in the past. If you can't move from the past, you'll never see the future."

"B-but..." his voice broke, "I killed them. My mom...Mike, Dad. When I was in prison, it was like I felt nothing, but when I got out, I looked around expecting my family, and that's when it hit me; they were gone, just like that house...I'M THE KILLER WHO BURNED DOWN THAT HOME! I'TS LIKE I'M MADE OF POISON, CAVE-IN FREE. DO YOU KNOW I TRY TO COUNT MY HEARTBEATS BEFORE I SLEEP? I'VE BITTEN MY FINGERNAILS TO BONE, AS I CRIED AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE MILLIONS OF REASONS WHY I HATED MYSELF, KELLIN! I REMEMBER I ALWAYS USED TO KEEP THIS KNIFE, AND THE SHARPER IT GOT THE MORE I WANTED TO USE IT. YOU SEE, THIS IS WHY I WANTED TO END IT TODAY, I HAVE NO HOPE FOR MY FUTURE. IF LIFE ISN;T OUT TO GET ME, THEN WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL-" he stopped shouting for a second, and dropped to the ground and sat on it, his eyes never leaving the stars, "why do I always feel broken?"

I sunk down, and sat next to him, "you're scaring me."

I saw him smirk, "it's my specialty, i'll fall apart, with all my heart."

I felt like I needed to, so I leaned my head against his shoulder and exhaled. He smelled like a lake in the spring, "you don't have to be that person anymore, Vic," I said, "your life is so precious, and you'll mean something to someone someday, you'll be the brightest someday."

I felt the vibration of his quiet laugh, "I don't mean anything to anybody. Not even my foster parents, I doubt they care about me."

I blinked twice, "you mean something to me," I said, looking up to him, "and I mean it, you're special...all you've got to do is see it." I told him, as I sat up and looked him in the eyes. When Jesse got closer to me earlier, I didn't feel tight, but with Vic, it felt anything but wrong. Our faces were inches apart, and all I could focus on were his lips.

He played with my fingers absently, "I've never met anyone like you in my entire life."

"I know." I said, whispering.

"Can I try something?" he asked me.

I nodded, "sure," I spoke, "I trust you." I told him, in reassurance.

Vic then smirked, "okay," he said. At first, he started at my shoulder, he gave me light, delicate kisses along my collarbone, and brushed my hair aside as he moved slowly, sending shivers all over my body. I let out a breathy exhale, when he moved over t my ear, kissing behind it, and then going down to my neck, and sucking it carefully, which sent me over the edge. I squirmed when his lips left that area, and then eventually to my lips. I liked it. A lot. It was so innocent, nothing non-pure. It was a light kiss but it said so many things, I loved the way he felt. Vic touched me, and made me feel things, good things, I loved to make-out with him; killer or not. But he didn't feel like a killer, he seemed hollow, and broken in all the wrong places, and misunderstood. I pulled away from his mouth, to just look at him.

I laid down on the ground, and looked up at the stars, "lay with me?" I asked him softly. He didn't say anything, but I felt his strong arm go over my side and I felt secure. I felt a different energy, he made me warmer, the night was so cold, yet I felt so warm in his grasp.

"Hey Kellin?" he asked me, after a while.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"Promise to not leave?" he spoke, "n-not like my family did? I know it was all my fault but-"

"Sh," I told him, "don't think about that, okay? Think happy thoughts-"

"B-but"

"Nope." I cut him off, kissing his arm that wrapped around my waist, "happiness."

"Life is not out to get me?"

I shook my head, shutting my eyes softly, "not at all."