Life's not out to get you |kellic]

{25}

Knocking carefully at Vic's house, I was greeted by a lady with blonde hair. She smiled at me, "hi, can I help you?" The lady looked nothing like Vic, it was probably his Fostermom.

I hesitated, knawing on my bottom lip "is Vic here?"

She chuckled, "you know he's just hanging out with his friends. He's done this quite a few times...but he hasn't come home in two days. But when gets back I'll tell him you stopped by?"

I nodded in discouragement. I forced a smile, "alright, thanks, bye." I said to her, as she shut the door closed. That was strange. He hasn't come home in two days? What the fuck? Something didn't seem right. Was he with Parker and Oli? No, that couldn't be because I bumped into them both yesterday at the store, without Vic.

Suddenly, a lightbulb went off inside of me, "Sanfransisco.." I mumbled, "he's totally at his treehouse."

_______________________

The forest was nothing without him in it, with me. The birds never chirped the same, and the plants didn't glimmer the right way there were supposed to as the sun hit them. Everything was so much better with Vic here with me and I relied I'd made a huge mistake. Approaching his tree house with a warm smile, I ran up to it and opened the door.

"Vic?" I called out. Nothing. It was oddly silent, it was beginning to scare me. The fireplace was untouched, the wood still in the same place where he'd dropped them in front of me almost two days ago. Getting even more suspicious, my hand touched the knob to the second room of his treehouse, and I turned it. I walked inside, "Vic-"

But my voice broke off. I gasped, clasping my hands over my mouth and slinking to the ground at what I was seeing. He was here, except he hung himself. There was a rope attached to a metal hook, and his feet were above the ground. He hung lifelessly , and the thing that made me cry was the fact that the rope had Christmas lights tied around them. I struggled to breathe, rushing over at him.

"Nonononono..." I mumbled, as I reached up and untied the rope with Christmas lights. My passion was snapping, and I let it all out. Vic's head was in my hands. His eyes shut. I screamed in pain, sobbing, my tears hitting his face. I shook him, but he would wake up, "C'mom Vic please open your eyes!" I put my ear to his chest, and I tried to feel anything of any life source, but it was dead. His blood was spilling out from his chest and my hands were stained with it. The rope cut off his circulation and he was dead. Just like that. I was so sad, the stench of death lingered the air, and I sobbed and sobbed until my voice hurt. A piece of paper had fallen out of his pocket, and it was folded up into a paper heart.

"For Kellin." It read. I bit my lip, as I unfolded the paper. It was a letter hand written by Vic. I breathed in and out, clutching the paper so tight I was sure that I was about to tear it.

" Dear Kellin,

I remember when we were at camp, sitting up in that one tree, staring up at the sky full of a million stars. You told me how you liked lights..or something along the lines of that. Well, anyway. I decided that since I can't make you happy, and...that you wanted to leave, just like my parents did, just like everyone else did..I've hung myself in lights, and I will glow for you. You're the love of my life and I've never felt anything so deep before. When we were together, I saw stars around your face. Sure, I loved the sex in my veins, but am I the trigger to your gun? You're pretty eyes don't give me much choice but, I wish I could take them home. I've done some thinking of my own and when I jump off this chair with the rope I just wanna be done, I don't want to be shaking anymore. My teenage heart attack keeps on coming back as I think about the sleepless nights I've stayed up, just wondering about you. You're so important to me, I wish I could tell you that one more time, but my time has come. I've been saving this golden gun and the silver bullets ever since I was fourteen and bought them. I promised myself that when I found the one, I'd throw the gun away and the bullets. I was suicidal all along, I didn't want to tell you because I knew it'd let you down, that it would fail us both. But I couldn't take it anymore, everything's not alright and I would rather...someday I told myself I was going to go and get pushed too far, that I'd give my heart out to someone new, only to get it ripped out of my chest and to be replaced by smoke. Is this the end of love? You see, terror begins inside a bloodless vein, and I was just a product of my Fathers abusive rage. I was born in this world without a voice or a say. Life without you has no god-damned meaning. Were you honest when you said you could never leave my bed? Wake me up and let me know that you're alive? Will you fall in love again? I'm just another boy without a sharper knife. And as the rain falls like shattered pieces of glass from the sky, we bleed like water colors and drunken pastels down the stairway. And I ask myself why do I still pray? When will this end? And who fucking cares? I swear to god, I did what I could, I've practically begged you I pretended everything was fine, a soul sacrifice, an American nightmare I'd rather be dead. I liked it better when you couldn't keep warm. I'm sorry I ruined a perfect thing. So now I'll detonate, dream of sun, escape from this wasteland, because this live was like a tidal wave. So all that I'm saying is to please don't chase your nightmares, Kellin. You'll end up like me, constantly living in fear. I may look happy, but honestly, dear. The only way you'll see me smile is if you cut me ear to ear. I was lying to you, and I'm sorry. But there's Heaven above you and Hell over me. I'm like this violent drug, Kellin. Do you still love me I am dying to know? Did you forget what we shared? It's like I was never even there. If every living thing does alone what am I doing here? I- I don't- just fuck it.
I love you so much.
Loved* , sorry. Take care of yourself, please. Don't forget about me, fall in love with someone else, okay? I was never good for you. But I won't forget. I was too drunk to even function at that party and I'm sorry, but I don't remember. You were right. I am pathetic, and it's okay that you hate me, because I hate me, too. I'm just another set of bones to lay to rest. So I'll say goodbye.
But we've had a really good time.
So keep in happiness, don't torture me.
Go in style, and move on from me.
Crazy isn't supposed to ever be okay, and that's why I've handled the problem myself.I hope you like the Christmas lights I stole for you. Dying is a gift, so I'll close my eyes, and rest in peace. And now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore, I'm tired of begging for the things that I want. But when you put your body to the test with mine, that live was out if control. Tell me, where did it go? You're leaving me just when I thought you were mine.

P.s. I'm not mad at you. I was never mad at you. You're too perfect for that.
-Victor<3