Life's not out to get you |kellic]

{five}

Waking up had to be the most horrifying feeling I've ever felt in a long time. My head hurt, and my body ached; hangovers. That's one thing I didn't miss about drinking. Last night was crazy...we didn't sneak into the house but Aunt Molly had gotten slightly upset at us when she found out that Tay had been drunk; she blamed me, but got over it quickly so I didn't really throw a fit and went to bed. But legit right now, I checked the time and saw that it was 2:30 in the morning.

I couldn't sleep, I needed to get up and walk somewhere. Pushing the covers aside, I threw on the black band tee that I came here with and the cut-off shorts I made, and slowly walked out of the guest room. I liked the sleeping hours of life, they were always so peaceful and quiet. It gave me enough time to think about everything in general, and I loved it. The long hallway was illuminated by the faint blue glow of the water from the lake reflecting unto the moon.
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The lake was pretty, and so was the sky. Maybe if I never wake up someday, I could see the sky. Sometimes I want to just scream in the dark and just fade away into nothingness. I began to hum and tune. It went to a song that I wrote not too long ago, I did it when I was mostly bored. String out into the distance as I sat on the wooden flooring leading out to the lake, I started to sing.

" Just open up...like a page in a book, these words that I'm writing will be misunderstood. If I'm dishonest bring me back to my knees, show me why I'm even able to speak...I'm testified, with nothing to say. Don't close your eyes, keep your eyes on me. Open up-"

I stopped swiftly as soon as I'd heard a crack behind me. I felt my face go white when I saw that it was Vic. He held a guitar in his hands, and he just stood there and looked at me. Not knowing what to do, I quickly got up and walked past him, unsure and unable of what to say. I stood him up the other night at the party, I can't talk to him.

"Wait!" I heard him calling out, as he jogged up to me, "your voice, it's- its...amazing, why'd you stop singing?" He asked. This was the first time I'd ever seen him sober and I could tell he was being himself. He was less fidgety, and his eyes weren't so red and faded.

I licked my lips, "I just...I wrote songs when I have time and...they're really bad, and just yeah..." I trailed off, he probably didn't want to hear my stupid songs anyway, the lyrics were so sad.

"No, I think you're really good." He told me truthfully, his eyes then went down to his guitar, "I have all these tunes in my head and I piece them together and make music sometimes," said Vic, as we both started to walk through the forest. The trees smelt earthy and you could hear the birds chirping in the trees, this reminded me of Oregon, where I lived.

"Why do you have your guitar, anyway?" I asked him, "it's so early..."

"Well, Parker and Oli think I'm a burnout junkie and I don't know...maybe they won't think I'm as cool if they found out I was this deep-ass human being. I come out here some mornings to play," He chuckled, "I doubt you can relate..."

But I wanted to say it. I wanted to prove him wrong, I wanted to tell him that I was transgender, but then again go what would he really think of me? Would he not want to hang around or speak to me all summer if he found out that I changed my gender? What if he slapped me just like my Dad did when he found out? I couldn't just tell him the biggest secret of my life, I just couldn't. He wouldn't look at me the same, "I'm sorry I stood you up the other night." I blurted out, as I bit my lip and gazed at the ground. I tried to distract myself by looking at the ground.

"No...I'm sorry," he spoke, as he stopped walking, and so did I. "I shouldn't have come onto you like that...but it's cool, right? We're still friends?"

Friends? Friends? After he basically made out with me and was on the borderline of taking my virginity? I wasn't upset, just disdained that he didn't feel the same way that I did about him. I didn't understand, was he just playing with my head? "Yeah, friends..." I said solemnly.

He then laughed, "you sound so sad."

I shrugged, "play me one of your songs," I told him, switching the subject. Besides, I wanted to hear his voice.

He shook his head with a grin, "alright, but I'm just gonna' warn you, I sound pretty badass if I do say so myself." Vic announced, as he sat on a log. Rolling my eyes at his cockiness, I say beside him.

"Play something original." I said, as Vic tuned the instrument. He started to him different tunes until he eventually got the one he liked, and he started to play this beautiful melody.

" I'm mastering the Art of miracles and fallen tragedies and here I stand everyday trying to fit in, devoured while the walls grow hands and teeth. I cried and listened to the rain in a rental car, someday sombody's gonna go and get pushed too far, and now I don't know what to say shall I deny my lungs their breathing rights?" He sang, and then he stopped.

I blinked twice, "that was beautiful!" I said in pure shock, "that was...how are you not famous?" I asked him with question.

He chuckled without laughter, as he started blankly at nothing, "I'd rather die than be famous."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "why?"

"The pressure, man..." He said, "I've already got enough of that at home..." He then looked at the horizon, "speaking of home, my moms gonna wake up any minute now and I'll have to explain." He said, as we both got up at the same time, but suddenly, the log rolled backwards which caused both Vic and I to stumble. I fell to the ground and to my Surprise, he fell right on top of me. His body was on top of mine and our faces were inches apart. I was breathing in and out, trying not to do what I was thinking at the moment. I really saw the deep auburn that complied the iris of his eyes, I noticed how he was tan but pale at the same time. He stroked a stand of my chemical black hair beneath my ear and a faint smile spread across his lips. "Are we still friends, now?" I asked, and i intended to lighten the mood but it came across as flirtatious, I bit my lip, as he slowly brought his head down and kissed the soft skin of my neck. At first he went slow, but then Vic began to kiss a bit rougher, and them eventually he kissed my freezing lips. His were so warm, so right.

He then pulled away, and got up, bringing me with him. I didn't understand this, but he looked at me one last time, "see you around, Kellin." Vic spoke. And even after he left, his voice still lingered into the air and I don't know why I was upset when suddenly the woods didn't contain or hold the beautiful melody of his voice and music.

I walked back to Aunt Molly's house quietly.