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Underlined = his writing
Italicized = flashback

"Please?"

"No."

"Come on!"

"I said no."

I snatched the book out of Felicity's hands and threw it across the room, "Come with me."

"Justin! Give me my book back," she yelled.

"Come get it then," I said.

She threw her head back and groaned, "I don't want to go!"

"It's your friend's wedding... How could you not go?" I asked.

"I haven't seen her in months almost a year... She probably doesn't remember me..." She argued.

"Fine," I said crashing down next to her.

Last week after the first session, Fel got an invitation to her friend's wedding but she doesn't want to go.

As for me, I've kept the drugs at a minimum. But I have to admit I have gotten in the habit of smoking a whole box of cigarettes a day.

I remember the horrible feeling of her adandonment as if it were yesterday when it happened. She walked away like it was nothing. She took the biggest part of me with her. I never thought a love like hers could leave me all alone. It was a bad day.

(Omfg see what I did there 😏😉 give it up for your fav author)

It made me angry at first, so angry. I still feel the clenching of my jaw followed by the tears that streamed out of my eyes like rivers. Those tears lasted for weeks until I decided to find the solution for my problems. I have to admit what I did next felt like the most amazing thing ever. I still felt empty but the rush enticed me.

When she touches me I feel warmth. I always have. Since day one.

It's funny because I tried denying myself the feelings I had for her. She was so stubborn and whenever I asked her to do something she would never do it. I, of course always got angry and hurt her. At the time I knew no control. I would just express my feelings as they came. But after seeing how much it hurt my most precious possession, I knew that I had to control myself.

It's just... She would say things that hurt me; things that reminded me of them, I couldn't hold back, I wanted to hurt whatever was causing me to remember these memories. So I grabbed her and pulled her by her hair, pushing her into the wall and choking her as hard as I could. It felt good being in control. But as soon as she started running out of air and as soon as she started crying I had to let go. I would never do that again. I will hold back my anger and I will do anything for her, even if it means seeing a shrink and writing in this stupid journal.

"What are you writing?" Fel asked.

I slammed my journal shut, "Nothing important."

"Okay," she said giving me a smile.

God her smile. Those percent lips forming into a curve as her eyes glowed.

I've never been this in love with someone. But everytime she looks at me I just melt. I can't believe I have her back. After all that I did I could understand why she'd never come back but she did.

What I did disgusts me. I woke up the other night from a nightmare about the first time I took advantage of her. I threw up the rest of the night. I was disgusting and I somewhat still am.

I wish it wouldn't have happened that way. I wish I would have met her in a different way; not by stealing her and her sister.

Truth is, I don't deserve her. She deserves so much better. Right now as I'm looking at her and she's reading a book, she looks so sweet and innocent. I took her innocence away. I took her life away.

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