Memory of You

An Excerpt From The Diary of A Queen...

An Excerpt From The Diary of A Queen...

Musings

August 15, 5028

Everything in life happens for a reason. Though we may not understand why at the time, there is always a reason. Even our mistakes...It's how we learn to deal with them, that shapes our lives.

For the last few years, I felt immense guilt over the death of my parents. I always thought that if I had never fallen for David, my father and mother would still be alive. Had I not been so insistent, maybe my Dad wouldn't have had that heart attack...chances are that even if David wasn't in the picture, my father could still have died. It's taken me some time to accept that, and though I'm not guilt free...the feelings have lessened.

It was David who made me realize that. Strange? Yes, but true. When he was standing over me, ready to kill me...I realized that if he hadn't come into my life...I wouldn't have found what is now so precious to me.

If we hadn't met, perhaps I would not be the Queen I am today. I might not have learned how to deal with problems myself. Maybe I would be too reliant on the opinions of my parents and the advisors. I would probably have less of a relationship with my people. Although I don't wish what happened to me on anyone, I suppose it was necessary... because otherwise I wouldn't have built up the confidence to deal with my problems, and forge my own opinions. Maybe I would have abdicated the throne altogether, since at the time I wasn't sure I could even take care of myself let alone a whole country.

If David had not walked into my life...as much as I hate that man, I know that I probably would never have realized Nicholas was there all along. I may have had feelings for him when we were little, but chances are I would never have pursued them, fearing that he more or less wouldn't reciprocate.

There is a lot of pain that came from the path I chose, but there has also been a lot of happiness. And looking back at it now, when it's so recently passed, the happiness outweighs the hurt and pain.

It's nearly been a year since that last battle. Although I don't think of him often anymore, when I do, I realize that David happened for a reason. No matter how I look at it, that reason is always going to be Nicholas.

It'll be five years this year, since I became Queen, and also the first year of our marriage. Time has flown by, but I can't remember when I've been happier.

Things around Seraphine have been peaceful. We have introduced some technology, but my aim is to maintain balance. I'd rather not have a country like the Isle or Delta. I love my country for how it is, independent and unique. Recently we've opened a new medical school in Ives, so that our students wouldn't have to leave the country to study. Upon the Engineering Association's insistence, Seraphine now has an airport, making travel easier.

Mark and Valek still end up chasing me around, but not as much these days. Nicholas and I share duties now. I suppose, that is one of the many perks of being married! He's taken over the Lower House, and while I do attend some meetings there, I mainly deal with the Upper House. Sometimes, we both attend audiences, and take tours together, which is much better than when I used to go on my own. However, he still cooks meals for the two of us...which I admit I am eternally grateful for. I thought he'd be tired out with so much work, but he's always been a lot more organized than me.

Sophia and Samuel will be getting married at the end of this month. They've decided to live at the manor in Canterbury & Rosslyn, since Sophia agreed to watch over the district and see that Nicholas' plans are implemented, since he can't spend too much time away...it's not just because I get lonely, but because he has a number of duties here as well. He still makes sure the towns people are well taken care of.

While everyone is starting to settle down - even Mark and Valek are now courting two girls from Astale and Eucharista - Nicholas and I are looking forward to welcoming our first child in a month or so, which is also why I haven't been able to give Mark and Valek the slip as much as I usually do. Neither of us are sure if it's a boy or girl...we didn't ask...but Nicholas and I have names prepared for either case. It's been exciting to think there will be a child running down the halls soon, making things more livelier than they already are.

Life has been quite interesting at the castle, but I'm just glad that Nicholas is always there when I need him.

I hope the next few years will be full of peace, harmony, and love, but admittedly I am looking forward to spending them at Nicholas' side.

Alexandra Devereux of Astale – Queen of Seraphine