Fixing Love

5

James

So far the vacation was going good. Val, Alastor and Charles have been hitting each and every casino they could find. I think they even came out richer than when they went in. Jenny has been kidnapping Ethan the whole trip. Poor bastard comes back with bags and bags of clothes. The saddest part is, none of them are his. Jenny has been milking this trip, and buying anything she sets her eyes on. Even with the countless times I've told her to stop. I was just happy when Ethan said he didn't pay for half of the things she got. She was just dragging him along in an attempt to keep him distracted. As for me. I've been spending my time exploring Peru. I've never really traveled much, even when Carter was here. I've always been too into my studies to travel, so I never got out much. If not for Carter, I may not even know half the places back home.

"James?" I looked up from my book, and saw Ethan standing behind me. I can see why Carter is attracted to him. Ethan has a handsome and adorable face. He's muscular, but still very slender. And he has the same gorgeous gray eyes like his mother. To quote Carter, he's the male version of her.

"Ethan, I'm surprised to see you. Jenny's been attached to your hip the whole trip." He took a seat on the lounge chair next to me. I'm glad he and I could work past what happened. He has a strong right hook, it took me weeks for the bruising to go away. I was a little scared when he told me he was still holding back. Made a mental note that day to never piss him off like that again.

"It's fine. She's been helping me get over what happened." He stared out at the water. The wind blowing his brown hair in front of his eyes. "James, I miss him." I saw tears in his eyes. He seemed so broken and lost. I can't blame him though. Carter wasn't lying when he said the guys had the innocence of a child. He had never experienced something like this, and had no idea the right way to handle it. 

"I know, I do too." We stayed quiet, just watching the waves hitting the sand. "What would you do if he came home?" I looked at him, and saw him wipe under his eyes. 

"I don't think I could be mad at him for leaving. I can't blame him for it, he must have felt like he had no other choice. I may not have known him as long as you. But I know he wouldn't have left if he didn't feel like he was being pushed into a corner. The worst part, is that I was the one who put him there."

"Wrong." I could feel his eyes on me, but I was still looking at the waves. "For a long time, he has felt trapped. He wasn't the proper son Charles' wanted. Serena died back when we were in school. It drove him to make some really poor choices. The tabloids ate him up, and spit him back out. The poor guy was a mess for the longest time. Losing Serena, he lost the only form of love and warmth he has ever truly known."

"Warmth." I looked at him as he stared at his hand. "Carter would always tell me, he loved how warm I felt. He said no matter how cold he was, to him I was always like his own little sun." I smiled at that. Over this past year I have come to except that Carter was never meant to be mine.

"He loves you Ethan. If anything. He might just need time. When he's ready, he'll come back home."

**********************

Ethan

The vacation was wonderful. Exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things. I really need to thank mother for thinking of it. I went back to my room after my talk with James. I grabbed a quick shower, and changed into my sweats and black tee. It was almost eight, and I was pretty tired now. I decided to just stay in my room for the rest of the night. I was about to head to bed early, when my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller I.D and waited a moment before answering.

"Adam?" I answered into the call, and his small voice responded right away.

"Hi Ethan."

"Hey Adam, how are you?" After that night at the restaurant, Adam has kept his distance. I guess the sight of an angry Carter scared him. He wasn't the only one. Andrew and the others couldn't believe how big he was. Frankly, neither could I. He was always muscular, but that day he was like a tank. I can still remember how he looked as he tried to control his breathing to keep calm. The rise and fall of his frim chest, the veins that would appear on his forearms from clenching his fist so tightly. He was a sight of raw power, and tortured beauty. 

"I'm okay. Andrew and the others are asking when you're coming back. They wanted to maybe hang out again."  I couldn't miss the subtle hint of hope in his voice.

"Adam. I don't know." I still talk to Andrew and the guys, I have known them for years. I know they weren't trying to be mean, just trying to lighten the mood in the only way they knew how. But after that night, I don't really hang out with them. I feel like that would upset Carter if he were here. I don't want for him to someday come back, and think I've moved on. He is my husband, and if I can be anything, I will remain faithful to him.

"Don't worry, I get it. But Ethan, it has been a year. Do you really think he is coming back?" I know he wasn't saying it to be mean. Adam doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He just knows how hard this past year has been. Carter left a month before his birthday. He missed thanksgiving, Christmas, and new years. Now it's getting close to his next birthday. He will be twenty-six.

"I have faith Adam. I will never forgive myself if I allow myself to lose faith in him. I wasn't there when he needed me, but I will be here when he comes back."

"I'm glad to hear you're coming back to us. The "serious" Ethan at school has been a bit scary. This is the Ethan we all know and miss. Don't let him leave us again." We both laughed over the phone. He's right. I lost myself when Carter left. He took a piece of me with him. But that piece is what connects us. I touched his ring around my neck. The piece of him he left behind for me. I place a quick kiss on it's smooth surface. I hope that where ever he is, he will know that I am tinking of him.

"Thank you Adam."

"Any time. Now I have to go. Long distance is a pain, and is really gonna eat at my wallet." He let out a small chuckle.

"Alright. Good night Adam."

"Good night." With that he clicked, and I went to bed. That night I had a dream, and it was about Carter. He was standing under a tree. He was wearing dark gray jeans, and a black tee. His arms crossed over his chest, looking at the sky. The wind blowing his dark hair all over the place. He looked like a god with how the light hit him. Basking him in it's warm glow, making his tan skin glow almost like gold. I took a step, and a small branch snapped under my foot. He looked down and saw me. That breath taking smile of his on his handsome face making my knees feel weak.

"Ethan. Come on, I've been waiting for you." He opened his arms for me, and I didn't hesitate. I ran and jumped straight into his arms. I could swear I smelled his after shave. He smelled so good, it made tears run down my cheeks. He kissed the top of my head, and held me closer. "Don't cry Ethan, I love you."

"I love you too."