❤️ Breaking Apart

Seperation Anxiety

5 Days past

Date: June 30th 2015

9:00am

I still haven't talked to anyone.

Everyone is basically mad and me and hates me especially Allie!! And Tessa has been super busy.

My parents of course came home late late last night.
I was up only because I was lost in my thoughts about that night!

Maybe everything is back to normal.
Well somewhat.
It's so quiet.
No one fighting for once is so good to me!

I muttered to myself "Well even if I am fighting with Luke pretty bad."

I finally had the courage to text to Luke.
Even if it will be the last text I send him ever.

I texted him "Hey Luke, well if you read this! And if you still wanna talk to me. 
I'm so so sorry for the other night and stuff. Also me just being a flat out stubborn bitch! More importantly I'm sorry for not telling you about my cuts and me cutting in general. I wasn't supposed to tell you that way! I didn't want it to happen that way!
It was just so hard, and defitnaly not easy for me. I did cut forever ago and kept making more cuts and marks on me over the old cuts. I've been such a mess without you here by my side or at least in the same country! That's proably why I cut and all the hate on top of it.
I sadly can't go on the tour, you probaly don't even want me to go. But it's because my parents said no because Kristine talked to them! And I think Kristine is pissed off about the whole night. I'm sorry.
Okay that's it. I still love you so so much even if you hate me! Bye.💙"

I sighed and laid back down.
Then put my phone on the dresser.

I bet you he won't anwser back....
He hates you now and you know it!!

My inner conscious kept telling me that.

Even though he was talking to you
He hates you because you didn't speak back...

I finally stated to my self "Stop!!!"

'She sleeps alone my heart wants to come home'

I knew Luke was texting me.

I was nervous and scared at the same time just  to read the damn text.

He texted back "Hi Lorraine. I don't hate you, please remember that. I still love you. I am just really disapointed like I said last night. But that's it okay? That's because you cut. You werent being a bitch. It really was crazy the other night! Also I know 'Why' is always what I say... But truthfully this time your cuts looked so bad.... It even hurt me! I'm sorry you can't be there with you because of my schedule. I'm sorry about how you can't come on the tour as well, I really did want you to come I promise. But it's okay, I know Kristine is on top of you about school and can get pissed off so easily. Good luck with your parents being home. Now most importantly I understand what's going on at home! Just stay strong, you've gotten through worse. I'm here for another week or so. We could hang out or something. I love you so so much!💙 Bye love."

I smiled.
I was speechless.
I was happy now that I know I'm not the one at fault.
I was feeling so many feelings.

Everything is coming back to normal.
Well somewhat...
I'm feeling happier and acting happier.
Please let it stay like this!!

I heard screaming out of nowhere.

I jumped my nerves are so shot from this past week!

I whispered "Whatever." to myself. Thinking it was my parents again.