Long Way Home

Ugh.

I thought I was done with crying

Because tears are meant for pillows

I was away from mine

And yet I could not hold them back

They spilled

And ran

And slid down my face

In a waterfall

I could not contain

In the middle of dance class

I think it was a combination of things

And I was just driven over the edge

I felt faint earlier that day

And had to run to the restroom

And j u s t   b r e a t h e

That was not sadness

That was sickness

But the sadness

Built up inside

Came out on the dance floor

As I performed each motion

At the barre

Under the scrutiny of my harsh

Teacher’s eyes

It really wasn’t her fault

It was just her tough critics

That let me feel the pain

And take the blow

More than usual

All of those pent up feelings

Flowed out of me

But the only reason why I didn’t break down sobbing

Was because I was in class

And couldn’t afford to

Thank goodness for battements

Because otherwise I would have been in a heap on the ground

And now it comes out again

I don’t know if it’s the tests

Or the grades

Or the drama

Or my parents

Or the pressure

But things were okay

I’m getting along with my sister

For one of the first times ever

I have two more days of school left

I met some awesome people this year

Next week is the mission trip

It’s almost my dance recital

I’m excited

But the tears come out again

And I just can’t stand it