Sentimental Reasons

74. Remembering love

Draco and I looked up at the stars as he held me tight. The wind was becoming warmer as the season of flowers bloomed in its colours. His fingers didn't stop caressing my arm as I spoke, "When did you tell Blaise about your feelings?" 

He turned his head to look at me. "Why this question?" 

"Out of curiosity," I answered as I looked at him. 

"Remember the time when we crossed paths early in the morning this school year?" 

"Vaguely," I responded though I had no idea what he was talking about.

"It was around that time that I told him." He answered though it didn't help me much to remember the exact time. I decided to let it go and stared at the stars on top of us. "But I knew I had feelings for you much earlier." He surprisingly continued. 

I looked at him again, eager to know more. "When?" 

"It wasn't exactly love at first sight but it was something like that." He admitted without looking into my eyes. "The first time we spoke, I felt it. An ache. Like a little electric burn. I felt my life change." His eyes finally fell on me. "Because of you."

"But you cursed me the first time we spoke." I reminded him. 

He didn't break eye contact. Not even for a breath. "It was so exhausting pretending to hate you." 

This pulled me up short, and I asked, "So you never hated me?" 

"No." He shook his head dramatically. "Never did." 

Never? "You sure seemed to." 

"I didn't want to pull you into my madness. I figured the best way to keep you away from me was by making you hate me." He explained. 

"Well," I took a deep breath, reminding myself of where I was, "that didn't work." 

He shot me a shy smile before I inched closer to him, accepting that I was utterly in love with him. We sat in silence for a while more before he uttered, "Can I ask you something?" I hummed my approval against his chest and he continued, "What happened with Snape?"

My heart skipped a beat as his name slipped out of his mouth. I straightened to look at him. "Um. He helped me with my Patronus." His eyes seemed to analyse my body language. He furrowed his eyes, completely lost in my story, so I explained without looking at him in the eyes, "But I stumbled upon a question and I initially thought Occlumency and Legilimency were the answer. But they weren't. So, I asked Snape the answer to my question and..." I looked down, remembering our session. "he answered it." 

All this time, I was so lost in Draco's world that I had completely forgotten about the real world that was around us, outside Hogwarts. I still had to deal with so much more issues. But I didn't want to leave Draco's world, I was so comfortable it in. "What was the question?" 

My eyes finally met his. I didn't know if I should tell him the truth about everything. So, I told the littlest possible, "Is it possible to reveal the truth about a memory? A memory that's been twisted? And the answer was yes." 

"Your memory was twisted?" He asked further. 

Finally, I gave up, and said calmly, "I don't want to talk about it." I closed my eyes trying to forget about everything. 

"Audrey." He forced. 

"Draco, please. Just leave it." I insisted, closing my eyes to calm me down.

"I can help you." He insisted again.

I opened my eyes to meet his, "I don't need help anymore. I know the truth now and I don't want to talk about it."

He saw how frustrated I felt and managed to turn his expression to a loving one, "What was your Patronus?" He tried to change the subject. 

I met his eyes and said, "I couldn't make one." I admitted.

"It takes time. I'm sure you'll manage to cast one, one day." He seemed to invite me in, wanting to hold me safely in his arms. At this moment, as my memory resurfaced, I needed to feel safe so I gave in. I tucked myself closer to his chest and rested there.

~~~~~~~~~~

We walked along the castle's corridor in silence, after our talk about the memory, he managed to make me feel safe again by casting our conversation away from it. I loved that he knew exactly what I felt, with the only thought to make me feel safe. It was late at night so Draco held my hand in relaxation.

As we walked in silence, we passed a mirror, and Draco stopped in front of it and said, "Come here." while looking straight into his reflection. 

I entered the reflection and stared at us amused, "What are we doing?"

"I want to remember us as we are now," said Draco, looking at my reflection. He seemed to try to remember every last detail about how we looked. I looked at him before landing my eyes on our reflection. We looked happy. Then, he hugged me and whispered in my hair. "I want to be here forever. Never let go, ever." He held back to look at me. He looked too serious to simply say those words. It seemed like he meant it. It nearly felt like a prayer. 

I gave into his embrace. He held me tight like nothing could ever happen to me.

After a moment of silence, he mumbled, "I never managed to cast a Patronus either." I knew he tried to make me feel better by pulling himself down to my level after our talk earlier this evening about Occlumency.

"Don't you have a happy memory from your childhood?" I asked him. 

"Not really." He answered cooly. 

"You must have something. What's the happiest memory of your life?" I looked at him deeply.

He searched my eyes for a moment before answering, "I think it's happening right now."

My heart skipped a beat at his declaration, "Well, isn't that fitting?" I answered. 'I think mine is too.' I thought to myself.