Sentimental Reasons

43. The Nutcracker

I walked back to my room after having spent the entire day reading. I sighed before opening the door to my room, knowing I'd be forgiving Daphne inside. As soon as I opened the door, I saw Daphne rising from her bed and looking at me with pleading eyes. 

I looked at her longingly before finally smiling at her, and as soon as I did, she mirrored it back. Thankfully, Pansy was still in the common room, annoying whoever she was keeping company. I walked to her bed and sank next to her. 

"I missed you," I murmured as she played with the ends of my hair.

"I'm so sorry, Audrey. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong. I'll never ever do it again. It's unapologetic, and I understand now. I just-" She confessed. 

"Daph, it's okay. I needed that sleep. Just," I smiled at her. "Next time, make sure it's not at Malfoy's." 

"Right, of course. He didn't try anything, did he?" She looked at me, scared of my answer.

"No. No, he didn't. Not that I can remember." I chuckled lightly. "He did tell I snored. I don't snore, do I?" I still felt awkward about what he said back at the staircase. 

She bit her lower lips in discomfort. "You kinda do." 

"Shut up. I don't." I laughed, and she eventually joined me. 

We looked at each other for a while before she braced me in her arms and held me tight. "It was a horrible day without you. You cannot believe what the boys talk about. It's awful." I laughed at her response. 

"I won't ever leave you again. Don't worry." I smiled through her hair.

~~~~~~~~~~

Only a week was left before all the students, including my friends, left for the Christmas holidays. Knowing I would be one of the only students wandering the corridors during Christmas felt weird. I didn't even know if my parents could send me any presents. Not that I wanted to have any, but any sign of them still being safe and able to send me something would relieve my stress enormously. I hadn't heard from them for a long time. Ever since that night, they both came home crying; I hadn't had a sign of them.

"Miss Bardot." Professor Snape suddenly called my name from the other side of the classroom. I lifted my eyes to see all the student's eyes fixed on me. 

"Professor?" I responded. 

He closed his eyes as if to calm himself. "Do I have to repeat myself, or should I send you to the headmaster directly?" He finally opened his eyes and went deep into mine. For some reason, his features dropped, and it almost seemed like he gave me an apologetic look. But everyone was so focused on me that no students would believe me if I told them I saw his features soften. He turned around, his cloak wrapping his silhouette and exclaimed, "Page 259. Will you do us the honour of shaking out of your fantasies and demonstrate the Patronus charm?" 

I smiled awkwardly and went in front of the classroom facing all the students. Snape was beside me, and he didn't look impressed by my posture. With all the nightmares I have had these past few days, and even though I managed to sleep at least four hours per night, I felt dead inside and casting a Pastronus made me nauseous. I swallowed hard and lifted my wand. 

I found Harry's eyes giving me hope. I remembered Harry's lessons from last year when he explained how to cast this charm. "All you have to do is think of a happy memory. Not any memory, not like the first time you rode a broom. No, it needs to be powerful. Once you have a memory, let it fill you up, lose yourself within it. Then speak Expecto Patronum." Then, from the tip of his wand came out a stag that went hopping in the air. While everyone from Harry's class achieved it. I was the only one without a Patronum.

My happiest memory was attending the Nutcracker ballet at Paris's Opera with my parents. At just twelve, I sat in the best box, mesmerised by the dancers' ethereal grace and the orchestra's passionate symphony. It was a night of enchantment and wonder, but the magic didn't end there. I had the extraordinary privilege of meeting the esteemed maestro and the entire cast of the ballet backstage. As I stepped behind the velvet curtains and into the hallowed halls of the theatre, my heart raced with excitement. I found myself surrounded by the very artists whose performances filled my soul with such joy. The maestro's warm smile and encouraging words left an indelible mark on my heart, and the dancers' elegance and dedication were truly awe-inspiring. It was a moment where worlds collided—the magical realm of art and the enchantment of my own privileged life. 

As I remembered it, the music from the ballet filled my head until I opened my eyes and exclaimed the chant. "Expecto Patronum." The tip of my wand emitted a white light before everything became pitch black. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Intense dizziness went through my head as soon as I tried lifting it. I closed my eyes to make the pain disappear until it eventually faded. I opened them back and looked around the room. I recognised it from the time I visited Harry. I was in the Hospital Wing. In front of me was a silhouette of an old person. The blur in my vision became apparent, and I recognised Professor Dumbledore looking at me thoroughly. 

"Hello, dear." He approached the side of my bed, making himself comfortable on the bed next to mine. "I've heard about your inability to cast the Patronus charm." I looked at him without a word, unsure of what he would say next. "May I ask, what memory were you thinking about?" 

I struggled to speak for a moment, unsure what that would help. "A memory of my parents. We attended the Opera in Paris." 

A smile crept on his face. "How was it?" 

"Magical," I spoke, and his smile became apologetic. 

"But not powerful enough." He sat up from the bed and walked to the end of mine. "Were your parents with you when you met the artists?" How did he know I met them? I nodded my head. Maybe it was the drugs talking, but he looked at me sorrowfully. "To cast a Patronum, you must dig deeper into yourself and find the one true memory that cannot be twisted into a nightmare." His words didn't make sense to me. How could this memory be twisted into a nightmare? It was the most beautiful night of my life. He looked at me longer until he broke the silence, "Your parents, they've raised a wonderful daughter." He smiled at me before leaving me alone in the Hospital Wing. 

What a way to exit, leaving the conversation lost to the imagination.