Sentimental Reasons

59. Loneliness

Three days have passed since the incident in the bathroom. I hadn't seen him. All I knew was that he was alive. At the beginning of every class, I would hope to see him barge into it. But he never did. No one was allowed to visit him in the Infirmatory, and it was destroying me. My friends always noticed my despair and asked me how I was doing. I kept telling them I was fine when really worry was eating me alive. I was left with the sole information that he was fine. I didn't know if he had woken up. I didn't know if he remembered anything about the incident. 

Every time I passed Harry, I closed my eyes to relax my anger. I had discovered the first day I was out of the Infirmary that it was he who had muttered the spell against Draco. I couldn't feel anything but anger for him. I was so disappointed in him. Every time we crossed paths, I could tell he wanted to talk to me, but I walked faster away from him every time because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold in my anger. 

I was sitting by the Black Lake, hugging myself to prevent the cold from reaching me. As I thought over and over about everything that had happened, the cold breeze touched my neck. I shivered silently. 

The memory was etched in my mind like a vivid painting, each detail hauntingly clear. His body trembling, the pallor of his face, the bloodstains on the cold stone floor - it was an image I couldn't erase, nor did I want to. At that moment, when I saw him so close to death's door, my heart had undergone a transformation I never anticipated. 

As I gazed across the serene waters of the lake, I knew with absolute certainty that I was in love with Draco Malfoy. It was a revelation that had taken root and grown stronger with each passing day. The emotions I had tried to deny, the feelings I had struggled to understand, had now crystallized into an undeniable truth. 

Love a feeling I never expected to associate with Draco Malfoy. It was a love born from the depths of adversity, a love that had blossomed amid chaos and danger. 

The memories of our past disagreements and clashes felt like distant echoes compared to the overwhelming emotions I now carried. The lake's serene surface mirrored the profound calm I had found in accepting this unexpected truth. Love had conquered the bitterness of our past, transcending the enmity that had once defined our relationship.

I lifted my eyes to look at the sky, which was still grey, resembling my loneliness. I wanted him to get out of his bed. I wanted him to be able to walk. I wanted him to be next to me, to hold me tightly in his arms. 

I opened my eyes to be met by a letter flying toward me. It stopped before me as if waiting for me to grab it. I looked around me to find who was levitating it. Looking behind me, I saw Hermione with her wand pointing to the floating letter. She gave me a begging face for me to grab the letter. Trusting her, I held the letter, and she vanished into the castle, most definitely meeting Ron and Harry. 

I glared at the letter as I read through it.

Audrey, 

I know you don't want to talk to me, and that's understandable. In all truth, I hate myself for what happened. I wished the spell never slipped from my mouth. 'Sectumsempra' was the spell I unfortunately spilt, the spell I knew nothing about, the spell I had no business using. I didn't know it was going to fracture Draco that way. I know it is no excuse. I messed up.

Audrey, you're one of the few friends who bring joy to my life. I don't want you to leave it. I need you around. So, I needed to find a way to get those words to you. Every time I try to speak to you, you walk away, so there it is, my letter of shame. 

Audrey, I owe you everything. You've been nothing but nice to me, and I need you in my life. Your hatred toward me has been eating me up for the past three days. I jumped to conclusions, and that's entirely on me. I don't know what else to do.

Now that I've said everything, here is the part you'll find more important. Don't ask me how, but Hagrid told me Draco left the Infirmary about an hour ago. I figured you might not know that because you're not with him. I just thought you should know about Draco. 

I'm so sorry about all of this. I hope you can forgive me someday, even if it takes forever. I care about you a lot, Audrey, and that won't ever change. You're a dear friend.

Harry Potter.

Without thinking twice, I jumped on my feet to walk to the Great Hall. As I entered, the heat braced me, and I continued walking toward the exit, toward Draco's room. Before leaving the Great Hall, I saw Harry looking at me with Hermione and Ron by his side. Before exiting the Great Hall, I mouthed thank you to Harry. He smiled back, and I continued walking toward Draco. He had to be in his room. He had to. I didn't know what I would tell him, but I knew I wanted to see him. I wanted to make sure for myself that he was alright. I needed the reassurance. 

I descended the stairs to the dungeons where the Slytherin dorms were. Walking into the Slytherin common room, I saw Daphne, Blaise and Theo looking up to stare at me. 

"Are you okay?" Blaise asked me as he saw how tired I was from walking around the castle. 

"Yeah. Is he in his room?" I dared to ask him, unsure of myself. I could see the confusion in their eyes as I muttered the words. I had never told them anything about the feelings I discovered. Nor have I told them I found Draco lying on the floor surrounded by his own blood. 

"Yeah, he is," Theo said quietly. With the confirmation, my heart started to flutter, but I couldn't smile before I saw him with my own eyes. 

So, slowly, I climbed the stairs to the boy's dormitory, still unsure of what I wanted to say, but the feeling of happiness was slowly taking over my body with each step closer to him.