What if

Chapter 21

We gather every first Friday from every month. To stay in touch, it's been around two months since I've seen them because I couldn't attend last gatherings, Sam was sick.

Today it was at Nate's.

"Hey good to see you, I'm glad you came." Nate said standing by the door

"I missed you so much." I hugged him.

"We missed you too, and lil Sam, not so little anymore you're so big now." He patted on his head. Sam smiled as he hid behind me.


Lauren was already seated with her daughter on her lab, as soon as her daughter noticed us she ran toward Sam, Sam ran away and she followed him, she's a bit older and she gets a bit aggressive at times, Sam is scared of her.

"Be nice to him." I smiled at her she looked at me confused and she continued following him.

Soon enough I was welcomed by the rest of the group.

I didn't realize how much I've missed them till I saw them.

"I'm sorry." Lauren shook her head, "if it makes you feel any better I think she likes him, she's not that mean to anyone else." Lauren shrugged.

"I think he's terrified of her." I told her.

"I think so too." She nodded

Ally and Nate still had this weird relationship going on, I don't even know if they're dating, sometimes they seem like they are.

After catching up with the rest, I felt a bit lighter.

"I'll go check up on Sam." I told them as I left the living room to check on Sam he's been playing in the room with Annie for the past hour.

When I went in, Sammy's face had lipstick all over it. Annie was still holding the lipstick in her hand.

As soon as Sam noticed me, he pouted, he was about to cry.
I shook my head as I carried him to wash his face.

"No don't. He looks like my doll now." Annie was pulling my hand for me to put him down.

"But he's not a doll Annie." I tried reasoning with her.
"Yes he is." She pouted.

"Then would you mind if Sam did the same on your face?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head. "I'm not a doll."

"He's not a doll either." Told her.

"But he's so small and cute like the dolls I have." She looked confused.

"That's because he's a baby now, but soon enough he'll be so big." I told her. "right Sam?"

She shrugged and she left.

I washed Sam's face, it took me sometime, Sam was just looking at me with his eyes wide open, he looked scared still.

"Don't worry baby, she won't do that again." I tell him as I finish cleaning his face.

He smiled.

I had to change his shirt since it was filled with water and lipstick stain, good think I brought extra, I don't even know where she got that lipstick from. After changing I took his hands and I walked back with him to the living room.

Sam was hiding behind me. I looked at him and reassured him again, "She won't do that again." As I stood up again, I noticed that they were all quiet and they're looking at me. The were all just staring.

"She drew lines all over his face with lipstick." I smiled remembering how he looked. "She said he looked like a doll." I told Lauren but she was silent. I looked at Ally and she had a weird expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked them, then I noticed that they weren't looking at me they were looking at someone behind me, I turned around.

I froze in my spot.

"Mommy, mommy." Sam kept pulling my hand pointing at Annie who was coming toward us.

"Hi." He said.

I turned around, I carried Sam and I went inside the room again.

My heart was beating so loud. I didn't know what to do.

I heard a knock on the door, I didn't respond, my heartbeat were becoming louder and faster by the second, I felt like I was going to pass out. I was pacing around; I heard Sam's fainted calls. But I couldn't respond.

I should've locked the door.

"Audrey." I heard his voice again, calling me I couldn't look at him.

"Audrey." He called again. And this time I looked at him. His face as beautiful as I remember it to be.

Sam walked toward him.

"Mom?" Sam pointed at him.

Dylan bent down and he carried him in his arms.

Sam's eyes were fixed on him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"Tell you what?" I said trying not to look at scene in front of me.

"About him." He pointed at Sam.

"He's not yours." I shrugged.
He looked at Sam with a smile on his face.

"Yes he is."

"Leave." I pointed at the door.

I wanted to cry, scream, but I felt numb.

We heard a knock on the door, and Ally walked in.

"I'll take Sammy, he must be hungry." She tried taking Sam, but Sam kept on shaking his head, he was looking at Dylan and Dylan was doing the same.

"Come on Sam lets go." She finally was able to take him, she left and closed the door behind her.

"You called him Sam." He smiles as he sits down on bed, "My middle name."

I ignored him and I looked away.

"He looks just like me." He noted.

"You think I don't know that." I angrily shouted, I was fed up with his games, why is he back now?! I was doing fine. Or at least I think I was.

He walked closer and I backed away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He quietly asked.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to hear him talk; I didn't want to see him. I was just learning how to live again.
He walked closer till he was inches away from me,

"Audrey, why?" He asked again.

He cupped my face, his touch electrified my whole skin, and I leaned into his touch. I hated myself at that moment; it felt like a dream, it was a dream. I closed my eyes and for a second I wanted this dream to last as long as possible. I wanted to touch him, feel him, one last time.

"You wanted nothing to do with me, you didn't want anything to tie you down."

"But this is different." He said.

Suddenly it didn't feel like a dream anymore, I pushed him away.

"What's different? You're telling me you would've stayed for him? And then want blame me for the rest of your life for tying you down."

"I wa-"

"I don't want to discuss this." I walked away. He held my arms and turned me back.
I wasn't prepared for this. My eyes betrayed me again, and tears escaped my eyes.

I didn't want him to see me cry. I looked away.

"Audrey, please." He begged.

I freed my arms from his grip.

"Bye Dylan."

I walked out, Sam was sitting on Ally's lab, I took him in my arms.

"Are you going to be ok?" Ally asked.

I nodded.

Sammy fell asleep on my arms that night, I didn't want to put him in his crib, I needed him with me, I was selfish.
And I silently cried myself to sleep.