Hope Believe Magic

Perspective

Rachna was trying hard not to sob. Shivu quickly hugged her and said, "Achacho azhadhe da. Look now we are together. Our story did turn into a happily ever after. The point is that we learn and grow from the mistakes we make. So did we. I know that when you face a heartbreak it feels like the end of this world but it actually pushes you to another phase of life. The same thing happened to us. The next few days after this incident was hell for me. I could barely eat of sleep. I stayed in my room. I wasn't even crying. I felt numb. My parents tried their best to cheer me up  but nothing worked. Finally, they had to use the last resort, Pugazh anna. Pugazh Anna was my older brother in every sense. He had the right to tease me, love me and scold me. For some reason, I would always listen to him but my parents did not want to disturb him because he was extremely busy and was traveling a lot for work. He was barely in town for two days when my dad messaged him.

He immediately called Appa and when he was briefed of the situation, he just said, "Appa naan udane varen. Ava seri ayiduva Neenga kavala padaadheenga." So he came and walked straight into my room and said, "Chellam vaa ice cream saapda pollam kelambu." I barely looked up at him and said, "Pch... illai na ice cream saapadra mood illai." He glared at me and said, "Seri ice cream vendaam oru long drive poitu varalam vaa. Beach ku polaam unakku romba pidicha edam." I again refused. I had too many memories with AK at the beach. Our first kiss was at the beach. I could not get myself to go there. Pugazh Anna had to change the tone of his voice this time. He said, "idhu paaru naan oorula rende rendu naal thaan irukken. Idhula unkooda time spend panna vandhirukken. Ippo ozhungu mariyadhaiya nee kelambariya illai Unna thookittu poi car la ukkara vekkava?" I looked up at him and sighed. I finally agreed to go and quickly changed into something random. Pugazh Anna was just cracking jokes to try and make me laugh but nothing was working. He finally stopped the car at a quiet spot near muttukaadu. It was a beautiful scenic area and was very peaceful. He kept the AC on because it was hot outside. Then he looked at me and said, "Chellam unakku enna thaan prachanai nu sollu. Naan rendu maasama shoot la bayangara busy. Oor oora suthikittu irundhen. Pora edathula mukkavaasi network prachanai. Adhu thaan unkitta kooda pesa mudila. Unakkum maapillaikum prachanai nu Appa sonaanga. Appidi ennathaan panninaan Avan nu sollu. Avana poi naan sulukku edukkaren" he said trying to make the situation light but I hugged him and burst out crying. He knew everything about AK and me so there was nothing to hide from him. So I told him everything.

He listened to everything patiently and said, "Annan onnu kekattuma? Avan kooda andha padathula naanum nadichen. Andha costar kooda edhachum irundhirundha unkitta vandhu naan soleerka maatena maa? Enakku 1% doubt kooda irundhuchuna naan avane appidiye vetti vittirukka maaten? Aparam nee eppidi da avana sandhega patte. Avana pathi Avanoda ammaku aparam muzhusa purinjukara aalu neethane? Ippo naan solla pordhu gavanama kelu. Un manasula yen andha kozhappam vandhudhu nu first yosichu sollu." I thought. Initially I said it was people telling me this and that but he negated everything asking me to go deeper and that's when it clicked. The seed. The seed was my insecurities. I somehow had convinced myself that I wasn't good enough for him. I have convinced myself that I wasn't gorgeous enough for him, talented enough for him and that was the reason for the doubts and confusion. I looked up at Pugazh anna and said, "Seri ippo naan eppidi idha seri panna poren?" That's when Pugazh anna said, "Idhu paaru maa, Neenga rendu perum pirinjadhu nalladhu thaan. Unga velai la focus pannunga. Avan thirumba kandippa varuvaan. Avan adhukku thevaiyana vishayatha paakkattum. Nee unnoda insecurities a maathu. Work on yourself. Unnakku irukara insecurities ellam jujubi da. Nee onnu ippidiye ukkandhu polambalaam illaina unnoda lifestyle a maathi adhukku enna thevaiyo pannu. Profession layum eppidi improve pannanum paaru. Hard work pannu. Indha set back a positive a eduthuttu po. Ulagam pesittu thaan irukkum. Ellaru vaaiyum adaikka mudiyadhu. Nee Unna first nambu puriyardha? Neenga rendu perum oruthar orutharoda strength aa thaan irukanum. Idhuvum kalandhu pogum maa. Ellame nalladhukku thaan. Avanala Unna pirinjum irukka mudiyadhu unnala avana pirinjum irukka mudiyadhu. Seekirame Unna thedi varuvaan paaru. Indha situation unga relationship a innum strong aakume thavithu adhu enakkum odayadhu. Seriya. Annan oda love liye jaadhi, madham prachanai lerndhu ellame irukku. Naan oorla irukkara ponnugal kooda ellam content kudukaren aana un anni enna oru vaati kooda sandhega pattadhillai theriyuma? Nee romba chinna ponnu da. Nee innum ulagatha paakala. Ippo Avan irukara industry appidi. Oru nimisham thooki kondaadum adutha nimisham thooki pottu midhikkum. Neraya peru Avanoda situation a avangalukku saadhagama use panipaanga. Idhellam naan yen unkitta sollaren na, naaliki idhe nelamai unakkum varalaam adhunaala un sondha personal vishayatha eppovume pokkisham maadiri paadhukaathukko, seriya. Indha Annan eppovum un koodave iruppen. Avanayum naan paathukaren. Nee kavala padaama aagavendiyadha mattum paaru thangam" and he hugged me.

This conversation was very, very important for me. I got a completely different perspective to life. I became a woman that day. Until then I was behaving like a child. I was looking at this world from the eyes of a teenager but this incident made me grow up. It was a huge lesson in life. I started looking and understand things differently. I was born again. I knew that my relationship with his was like a pearl and it need to be safeguarded just like the oyster.

Brinda Subramanian