TO THE STARS THAT LISTEN

CHAPTER 32: Lingering Thoughts

Ira

"Then apologise," I demanded.

His hands twitched under mine as he suddenly pulled me, beneath him and my breath hitched. "I'm sorry, dharampatni."

What the fuck.

"Wh-wha-what are you do-doing." I stuttered as all the confidence drained out of me.

"Apologising to my wife." his breath fanned over my neck and a wave of shiver ran down my spine.

Why the hell was I not panicking in this situation? This never happens. If anyone comes this close to me, panic cracks through my veins, but now right now. Right now I felt...jittery yet comfortable.

"Huhh? L-li-like this?" Oxygen refused to enter my lungs.

He nodded and stared deep into my eyes, or my soul.

The world around us faded as he lifted his hand and pushed the loose tendrils of hair behind my ears, and my hands clutched his biceps. His eyes were dark like chocolate, intense, yet soft, with a velvety smoothness, inviting me to explore their depths. They radiated unmistakable warmth, empathy, kindness and...and...passion.

"What happened yesterday, blossom." his left hand cupped my cheek as concern laced his eyes.

Damn. I can't tell him that.

"It-it was nothing." My voice was barely above a whisper as I tilted to look anywhere but his face.

"Nothing doesn't cause panic attacks." He gripped my chin between his thumb and his index finger to make me look into his eyes again. "Please tell me what happened. Who hurt you, Blossom?" his eyes scanned my face.

"It was no-" his eyes grew serious before I could lie again so I decided to tell him the truth, just half of it. "At the hospital, I saw something, a-a case and I think it triggered something so, I had a panic attack. I hadn't had one in 2 years and usually I can control it." I say while keeping my eyes half closed. His gaze was intimidating, which made it hard for me to lie while looking into them.

I did see a case. And that is why I got a panic attack. But I can't tell him what the case was.

"Blossom." his voice was breathy yet intimidating. "I know we have known each other for just a few months and that we are not in a real marriage, but I know this is not the truth. Atleast not whole of it." He lifted my chin again to force my gaze on him. "It's okay. It's alright if you don't want to tell me if you don't wanna share your past. We all have darkness in us, you just saw a part of mine and last night I saw a part of yours. But I will keep my promise. I'm gonna keep you safe, whatsoever." His voice was laced with possessiveness and protectiveness.

"I- I" I didn't know what to say. What to feel. This was all so new. Since childhood, I have lived without anyone offering me a shield to keep myself safe. My parents never bothered to know me, or my state, Eka Di and Veer too were not that close to me back then. Nani was a help to me. She taught me how to protect myself, but what Ahaan was doing, was new. "I should go" I slipped from beneath him and straight into the washroom without looking back at him and he didn't say anything.

I shut the door and pressed my back to it. What was that feeling? I am not a runner. I have never run away from a situation. Even when I was in danger.

I was suddenly feeling very restless. My chest moved up and down rapidly. All of this was so new. Something I have never felt before. And the one most surprising thing was me not feel any sense of panic when he came near.

Last night I got a panic attack after almost 2 years. The last time I got it, was when Nani died. But even then it wasn't so intense that I couldn't take my medicine. Last night was different. My hand was shaking so badly I couldn't even hold my medicine bottle.