Alyssa
"Don't touch me,"
"I'm taking the needle out, for good,"
"Dr Leona I don't want you to touch me right now please,"
"Alright, have a few sips of water. You're going home!"
"Don't touch me,"
I had had the worst few days ever. Well, not ever, it was significantly different to my last hospital stay, but my anxiety still felt the same. The vulnerability I felt was still the same, and I had felt lonely even though I wasn't.
I had been horrible to dad, and it had been so hard for me to let the doctors near me. My anxiety just got worse and worse, and they had to give me sleep medication every night because otherwise I wouldn't. I hadn't been able to eat because I felt sick, and I had got more and more restless. Even in dad's arms I didn't feel safe anymore. Even though I knew I was going home I felt scared.
"Hey pumpkin," dad said, putting his hand on my back which made me flinch, "It's alright. We're gonna get you back home and into a warm bubble bath, then me and you are gonna get into bed and I'll read to you until Axel comes home,"
I started sniffling, but not crying. I had ran out of tears. I felt so unbelievably sad. And hopeless. Worthless. Tired.
They made me talk to a psychologist again like the last time and she wanted me to have medicine like the last time, only this time it actually got followed through. I didn't want medicine and I didn't want to talk to anyone about how I felt. I would feel better after the surgery so I begged dad to say no, and he said if I spoke to someone I wouldn't have to take medicine for now so I agreed.
"Can she take it out?"
"Okay,"
"Good job sweetheart, I am so proud of you. Let's get you home,"
"Yep, you're free to go. You have some antibiotics that you absolutely have to take, and I will see you in one week for a checkup. Change the dressing every couple of days if you can, and I'm sorry but you can't get the sling wet, or take it off,"
"But I wanna wash my hair, and get in the bath,"
"We will go to the hairdressers and see if they can wash your hair... showers for now though then, pumpkin,"
"They do that?"
"You bet," dad said.
"It really hurts,"
"I'm sorry honey! Just rest up, it will soon heal. We're sending home song strong painkillers too,"
"But not too much?"
"Not too much. Are you ready to sign discharge papers, Ashton?"
"I think so!"
"Someone will bring them. You've been a superstar, Alyssa. I hope you have a relaxing weekend,"
"Thanks for fixing my shoulder," I mumbled.
"You're very welcome, it was my pleasure,"
Dad had to sign some papers, but he had already packed so we could leave straight after. I walked next to him holding his hand out to the car, then he helped me get in and put a blanket over me.
"Let's get you outta here,"
"Sorry I have been so difficult to handle and sorry I said mean things. I didn't mean them,"
"I know you didn't sweetheart, I forgive you,"
"I felt like I was back where it all began, I felt all the bad memories. Even before the explosion,"
"You are safe now. I am so sorry that brought up things from your past, and I am so happy that we get to go home and hang out as a family, and all love each other,"
"Me too,"
"I am so pleased your shoulder is going to heal properly this time too,"
"It already feels better,"
"Amazing, would you like to get your hair washed?"
"Are they gonna think I am gross?"
"No! They have all the nice shampoos, maybe we can buy you some,"
"Yeah,"
"I know a really nice place we can try,"
When I left the hospital last time I was sat alone in the back of a new car, with a stranger, going to a house full of more strangers. I thought Axel was coming with me. They didn't tell me until I got there because they said if they had told me before, I wouldn't have gone with them.
They were right.
I wad in a lot of physical pain that day, but the emotional pain had been the worst. My heart actually broke- I am pretty sure I cried and cried for multiple days straight until I made myself sick.
So to have a dad who tucked me into a blanket and was driving to find a hairdressers to wash my hair before we went home, to my bedroom, with my family, made me feel quite overwhelmed.
Like maybe the surgery was the start of something, not the end of something.
"Here we are, leave the blanket,"
"Can you help me out?"
He came round and undid my seatbelt, then helped me out the car and took me inside. It smelt like roses, and was super warm, probably from all their equipment.
"Hello!"
"Hiya, my daughters been in hospital for a few days so I was wondering if we could get her hair washed?"
"No problem, I can squeeze you in if you give me ten minutes,"
"Super, thank you,"
He sat down, so I did the same and leaned on him, rubbing sleep from my eyes. Even though I had slept so much, I was still so tired, but I knew my body was trying to do lots of healing.
It was actually nice to have my hair washed, and the shampoo smelt really good so dad bought me some. It made me feel a lot better, especially because they dried it and straightened it. They even tried to let us have it for free but dad insisted on paying- he was really humble, and I wanted to be like him.
When we got home, I went straight upstairs to my own bed and he followed, then picked up a book and read to me for a bit. In the end we decided to watch a movie, but I'm pretty sure we both fell asleep.
I always said 'I love you' to dad, but I don't think I had actually loved him until right then.
I loved having a dad. It wasn't something I had ever pictured, my biological one was a villain in my eyes- I think I truly loved my dad now.
But I tried not to dwell on it, because it freaked me out that someone who had changed my life this much didn't even know I existed two months ago.
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restart// 5SOS
Fanfiction(comes after ceaseless) A lot of times life doesn't end up the way people picture it. Ashton had always accepted he wouldn't have kids. He had Gabi, and enough family to keep him happy- until he was told he would be a good dad and couldn't shake th...
