restart// 5SOS

15

Alyssa

"I'd say that was a success,"

"I'm still a bit worried, but Gabi was nice,"

"Yeah, she's super nice. Luke is so nice too," Axel said, "I love all your friends. I want to hang out with everyone,"

"We will do soon!"

"She called you her fake dad,"

"Yeah, she does that sometimes. I've helped her out a lot,"

"Was she really sick then?"

"Yeah, she spent a lot of time in the hospital, and I looked after her a lot,"

"Oh right. I think I maybe will warm up to her but it will take a while,"

"That'll be good, but you can take your time. You're allowed to feel upset,"

"Thanks,"

When we got back, I went upstairs and had a shower, then Ashton dried my hair and Axel braided it for me. Then, he laid with me and watched tv for a while, holding my hand. I was really worried for tomorrow and he knew- he always knew.

It was nice to be back in his hold, and just have his company- I was way more comfortable, and I was starting to feel like myself. He was the only one my age I had hung out with, we didn't have school friends, we just had each other. At this point we could read each others minds... at this point he was basically part of me. One of us wasn't whole without the other- he really was my forever best friend.

I could tell him everything, he could tell me everything. That's why it sucked so much at the hospital. I knew he would get me, he would make me feel better. I owed him so much more than he owed me because I was so depressed, even before the accident. And I was so depressed now, it really hit once I was alone, so I was happy he was back. Ashton was kind, he kept me busy, he was keeping us safe, fed, warm, and loved. I knew what Axel meant now when he said about how receiving love changed things.

For the first time I felt valued by someone other than Ax. And, I liked to think maybe Ashton would be a little bit sad if we went away. I would be quite sad if he left.

I didn't think I came across as someone who liked affection, and if I didn't know someone I didn't, but it was my love language. It made me feel so valued when he hugged me, and cared for me, especially because he was so gentle and nice to us both. Even though I still needed a lot of time away from him, I was starting to feel safe.

I mean, he brought me warm milk to make waking up from a nap easier. No one had ever done that before. I don't think normal people even did that. Somehow I had ended up in the house of someone with a literal heart of gold and I didn't know what I did to deserve it.

"Axel, if you get into that school you have to to. You have to become a nurse, and find a nurse girlfriend or boyfriend and have little nurse children,"

"Why are my children nurses too?"

"I dunno, they just are,"

"I'm going wherever you go, I can become a nurse in public school, and find a nurse girlfriend or boyfriend at uni,"

"But you need the best chance to get into uni,"

"I'm not leaving you. I won't make friends,"

"Yes you will. You're perfect, everyone will love you. I'll be the one with no friends,"

"You do know that I think you're the best person the same way you think I'm the best person, right? Then everyone else thinks we, as a pair, are super lame,"

I giggled slightly and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. It was crisp and white, not stained from damp and smoke.

"You can tell Gabi went to private school, can't you?"

"Um, yeah, her girlfriend has horses,"

"She says please and thank you so fucking much,"

"I think that's just manners,"

"Yeah well, I bet private school makes you have them,"

"I have good manners. It's just you," he laughed, "I don't know how Ashton coped without me,"

"Hey!"

"Kidding,"

"He knows I mean please and thank you,"

"I'm sure he does,"

"What was your group home like?"

He sighed and turned the tv down, putting his head against mine.

"Loud,"

"Mine was too,"

"It was all boys, it was okay, the food was okay, the guy I shared with was quiet, and nice enough. I got a few new clothes, they took me to the doctors,"

"Yeah, that sounds like me, but I had my own room. They put me with Ashton because he had no kids and was single. Apparently I needed a one on one,"

"Wow, they really did not understand you,"

"Nope,"

"How long were you in hospital?"

"A few weeks. The burns were really bad,"

"I feel awful,"

"I'm fine now. Well... yanno,"

"As fine as you can be,"

"Yeah. Imma go to sleep now,"

"Can I stay?"

"Please do,"

"We're not very good at not being attached to the hip," he said, "I think we're gonna have to be neighbours forever ,"

"Or we could just get one big house,"

"Yeah, I guess. There will always be a room for you at my house, no matter what,"

"Mine too,"

"Great. Go to sleep now, I love you,"

"I love you too. Today was a good day mostly,"

"I agree. That food man, it was so good," he said.

"I'm gonna dream of it,"

"Savoury dreams,"

"Not funny,"

"Ah, well I tried. Imma get ready for bed but I'll come back, sleep well,"