I N D U L G E N C E (August Alsina) Sequel The Second Chapter

37.[Where His Lover, Has Fatally Come to Terms of Being a WildFlower]

EXCUSE ERRORS>>>>> VOTE AND COMMENT. Y'all kill me, just because Phoebe smells food before anyone else, that doesn't mean she's carrying. Dang, I smell food from 8 miles away.

[Phoebe—Weeks Later Leading Into May]

I drove, slow. Deliberate, and tortoise-like slow, coming from an hour of psychological torment. My mind happened to be suffocating me with Estelle's dramatic reactions to what I finally told her about confronting my Parents. I didn't even want to explain myself to her, my reasons why; but August made me go. I had been dilly dallying with how the conversation would go for days as she impatiently rung my phone day and night.

See August was out of town as he had promised a meet a greet in Kansas City, for months. A meet in greet in Detroit and also in Seattle. He was becoming busier and busier by the moment and when he wasn't here, he was somewhere else doing interviews, or making appearances. I couldn't be angry or mad at him. This was his career, his life and it was starting to look a lot like what it would like in the future.

He had been gone for merely a week now and I already missed him. He told me I had to go and visit Estelle and tell her what went on. I told her everything, I shared with her everything to the conversation I held with my real mother, to how I now loathe my adopted mom. She never fails to remind me of my Comorbid, she said that she understood and that maybe this wasn't it acting up. Maybe it was just Phoebe. But she still diagnosed me. She said it was better before I ended up hurting somebody, or myself. That stung.

She never told me that Comorbid, was a mixture of mini disasters, tied into one. From easy depression, conduct disorders and Anxiety disorders which I always encounter and finishing it off with my unpredictable menstrual cycle. It was all there, everything in one. The co-existence of timeless ailments, in one person.

I cried, when I told her how hurt I was, that I was lied to most of my life. I'd watch it on television all the time growing up, how adopted children would behave not knowing who their parents were, and I thought they were dramatic and extra but when I put on the hat I felt what they felt. It was a feeling of desperation for me. Desperate to know that somebody wanted you.

And maybe Estelle was right, maybe that was why I fell for August because he was everything I wanted but never had in a father. He was initially a space holder. It's ironic, how you never plan on your life going a certain way but when the right person tends to come along you find yourself not  stopping 'destiny' and you just go with the wind.

Well I was now just going with the wind. Putting everything out there, now that I knew I had it. Time besieged me as I ended up at my Mother's apartment seeking redemption. I knocked on her door, overwhelmed.

The doors unlocked and she pulled it open smiling, nearly splitting her face. "Summer!" She smiled and I cringed a bit hearing her call me that. It was all she knew, all she ever wanted, so I understood. I was August's Summer, he likes the name.

"I'm sorry." She quickly stammered, slapping her forehead, failing to remember Phoebe.