Confessions of a Psychopath [bxb]

11. Sexuality

Nicks POV

"Why did you kill him?" Justin asked, avoiding eye contact.

I slammed the cleaver down onto the broken bones of Alec's elbow, separating the joint almost immediately. I glanced up at Justin, seeing his obvious discomfort as I hacked my brother to pieces. He had been there while I killed him, too absorbed in his own thoughts to pay attention to the show. I tried not to be bothered that he didn't watch, he just hid instead.

"You weren't listening?" I asked, hardly interested in the conversation.

I did not feel the need to justify my killing to him. I was more in the mood to just be left alone with my thoughts but I didn't think it right to just ignore Justin after killing in front of him. Maybe he hadn't really believed I would kill. I hadn't planned to ease him into accepting that I'm a killer. This was it. He'd just sit there and watch. And cry. Pathetic. I couldn't pretend to understand his concern for my brother.

"Something about a tree." He mumbled meekly.

I shrugged. I could go into detail of how my brother raped me one summer camping trip and a few times after but I thought Justin must've at least had well of enough an idea to guess what happened. Hell, he had been raped by his father and forcibly sold for prostitution countless times throughout his life. How could he be so stupid not to realize what my brother did?

"Do you kill because of it?" He asked.

I had to pause in my activities to consider what he was asking. I sat the bloody saw down and turned my attention to him.

Did I kill because my brother raped me? I didn't know. The incident surely changed something within me. I was once a happy young boy, with a world of opportunity. It's not that I felt unhappy now, just emotionless, unless I was killing. Killing made me feel happy, at least. I had certainly planned to get revenge on my brother since the first time he touched me, but at the time I hadn't known that I would kill him.

Had he turned me into a killer? Possibly. If I hadn't been raped, I wouldn't have lost my emotions. Then I might have felt bad for killing.

"Maybe." I said.

I didn't want to make an excuse for my psychotic ways. I had learned in class that Psychopathy could be triggered by sexual abuse, so maybe that was the case for me. I didn't want it to be though. How could I be so weak as to turn off my emotions after that incident in the woods when Justin endured hell, yet kept his empathy?

"Do you think you would still be gay if your brother didn't do that??" Justin suddenly asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

I looked at him sharply, surprised by the odd suggestion.

"I'm not gay." I continued to stare at him, confused.

"But..." He looked embarrassed as he tried to explain himself. "So you're bi?"

"What? No." I said and then went back to cutting up Alec.

"I don't understand." He said. His face was bright red at the topic.

"I'm not strictly dick." I said without emotion. "I get turned on when I'm killing. I could be killing a dog and feel arousal. So.... Not gay. Not straight. Not bisexual."

"What would that sexuality be called?" He asked. He somehow seemed entertained by the idea.

I thought a moment. "I only get off on killing or torture. Can psychopathy be a sexuality?"

I felt stupid saying it, and shook my head, not sharing Justin's amusement.

"What the fuck are you, anyway? Getting hard when someone wants to kill you." I might've sounded slightly defensive saying it, but I didn't care.

Justin only shrugged, apparently done with the conversation. He was probably hurt by what I said but then after a few minutes of silence, what he said made me wonder what was actually going through his head.

"We're kinda perfect for each other then, aren't we?" Is what he said that made me freeze.

"Yeah, a match made in heaven." I said sarcastically but when I glanced up, I saw him smile, as if he thought I were serious.

My brows furrowed and I quickly busied myself with body parts so that I didn't see the small hope in his eyes. I didn't feel in the mood to act all lovey towards him.

The dead face of my brother stared at me. I had cut the head off first and sat it in a way so that it watched as I hacked apart his body. He was clearly dead, I knew that. I wasn't the kind of psycho that thought dead people were there even after death. Nope. I could see that everything Alec had been was now gone. I just liked to see the deadness, for some sick reason. I glanced behind me at Justin who was no longer paying me any attention.

He was lost to himself now, thinking of god knows what, and didn't notice as I placed Alec's head in the small gym bag that I used to bring Justin's food.

"Hey." I said to get Justin's attention.

He looked up and I tossed the bag to him. He caught it and looked at it curiously, with a bit of caution. He had already been fed so he didn't understand what I could be giving him.

"Look inside." He did so, carefully, and his face paled as he saw.

He dropped the bag in shock. Alec's head fell out of the bag and onto Justin's lap.

"The fuck?!" Justin yelled and pushed it away while pressing himself back against the basement wall.

I couldn't help laugh at his fear. Justin looked up at me like he couldn't understand why I was laughing. His big fearful eyes stared at me with disbelief as he realized how fucked up I actually was. He looked down at the head and then back at me, unable to speak.

"W-wha-"

"When I was younger I would cut the head off of animals that my dogs killed. I liked to keep their body parts, watch the process of decomposition. Theres just something beautiful about watching something cute and lifeless gradually becomes maggot filled and disgusting. And then it becomes beautiful again when the greenery around it flourish from the corpse. A natural fertilizer. It's fascinating." I laughed seeing Justin's eyes widen. "I was just curious. One time I shoved a stick in a baby deer nose and the stick came out its eye."

Justin continued to stare at me in shock and fear as I told him of my childhood.

"It was before my brother raped me, so you can stop assuming I'm like this because of him."

Justin turned red as if I had said exactly what he'd been wondering, but he still stared with wide fearful eyes.

"Not perfect for each other after all?" I asked jokingly and Justin swallowed nervously, his cheeks turning even more pink in a blush.

He looked down quickly, shameful as he realized what he had said earlier. He was obviously hating himself for feeling that way about a killer and then I went showed him a dead head. I laughed to myself at his strange behavior.

I leaned down and grabbed Alec's head and tossed it into the 70 gallon bin. It landed with a heavy thud and Justin jumped, startled by the sound.

"Are you going to keep ignoring your master?" I asked, becoming annoyed at his silence.

"Sorry, master." He looked up frightened.

I sighed, content with his fear. I couldn't let him get too comfortable with me.

A/N: For the record I know Nick is a sexual sadist and Justin is a masochist which have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Nick is likely just bisexual or pan sexual. Justin is gay.