Psychopathic (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 36

When a moment seems perfect it means that it is anything but.

Poor Eli.

Poor dumb Eli and his dumb decisions.

It was one thing to be naïve and inexperienced, but another to let his pink-colored gaze of the world to fool him into thinking he was ever ready for more. Seriously, poor dumb Eli and his dumb imaginary roses that painted the scene of perfection while he's with Alec.

He had every single chance to ask Cassie who was a walking distance away from his house.

She made sure to be there for him, she made sure to tell him all he needed, and she made sure to let him know that if there's anything he wanted to ask he could do so at any time. Right there within his reach and he never thought that it'd be wise to ask her what it was to expect when he's alone with Alec.

No, it wasn't just that. His heats.

Irregular heats will often pop up at the worst of times, and of course it happened when he's getting intimate with Alec.

Maybe it was because they were drowned in their passion, or maybe it was because of the pheromones Alec was unconsciously emitting while they made out, but Eli knew that something was wrong the moment he felt a burning sensation pooling in his lower back and the nape of his neck. It burned for more, but Eli's mind was panicking for less.

Somewhere in there he made the realization that Alec didn't stop himself when things became risky. There was a point where he could have pulled away, where he could have made sure Eli was alright, but they're way past that point now.

It was such a bad idea to go into Alec's room.

To put enough trust in him as if nothing would ever happen when it already has, and now it was repeating again.

However, there's no chance of another person stumbling on them anymore to interrupt this entrapment of a passionate moment they're having right now. Eli was now all by his own, and he didn't have the power to physically pry Alec's hands off of him.

"Hey, Alec." He breathed out trying not to succumb to his heat. Not yet. "Can you hear me?"

The lack of response he got was probably the most chilling thing about his situation. Alec only hummed in acknowledgment clearly hearing him, but he wasn't listening. There was no doubt about it, he's drowning again in all the scents Eli was involuntarily letting out and he was drunk in his own pleasure to realize the discomfort he was putting his mate in.

This wasn't supposed to be a one-sided thing, but Eli began to suspect that it always has been.

This is why he fell for Ari.

This mate bond kept fooling him into thinking he didn't fall, but he was sure that his human side was absolutely enamored with Ari. Completely and utterly in love. It was pushed back by all the electrifying attraction this bond gave him, but who was he kidding?

It was all a nightmare disguised as a beautiful daydream. There was nothing there to love about Alec, not that it was impossible to fall for him, but while his body yearned for Alec he found that his heart disagreed.

It was telling him not yet. Not him.

"Stop, please. I beg yo-" But his mouth was captured in a kiss that felt like sweet poison. It was tempting to ingest, but hard to actually drink. He craned his head back to gasp for air he needed. "We said we'd stop here. Ok?"

The tone he used was gentle and meek. It seemed to have caught Alec's attention as he looked down at Eli with furrowed eyebrows confused and slightly irritated at the interruption of his pleasure. At least he had some control over himself. Resentment pooled in Eli's heart, but he pushed it away. Far, far, away telling himself he needed to learn to love him to escape this pain.

Alpha played nice when they weren't disobeyed.

So with a smile he hoped didn't appear strained, he gently placed his hands on Alec's chest as if he was putting an ignorable barrier between them, but a barrier no less.

"We should stop here."

He spoke softly, pleadingly, and Alec seemed to take the hint in his lust-induced bewitchment in Eli's body. At this point, there was little to salvage. Eli's shirt was already ruined, torn at the shoulder, and his lower area was more exposed than he was comfortable with as he pulled his pants up cautiously. He just turned eighteen, and only recently did he have his first kiss. He wasn't ready for this.

Thankfully, Alec let him take away this delicious treat, and depressingly that's all what Eli was to him. Something delicious to be taken.

"I'll come back tomorrow; I love you."

Empty words like that were easy to throw, especially when he needed to, and especially when they were believable because they were mates. Meant to be. The whole circus and its clowns.

And they were the clowns.

Because here he was sprinting out of Alec's home on the edge of an incoming heat, and all he could think about was how he failed to fall in love with his mate. Really fall in love without some otherworldly connection being the whole basis of their relationship. The attention, the kisses, and all the jealousy was just because he was Alec's.

His mate and nothing more.

More is Ari.

More is when someone knows you and wants to know you. More is when all you did was bring them grief and all they did is stand by you. More is when they gently tell you that your happiness isn't with them because they thought they knew it wasn't.

But maybe more is also knowing that you're not their happiness.

That maybe you're stuck navigating a relationship with a forceful self-centered alpha who probably wouldn't have cared about you if it wasn't for the fact that you were his mate. Not even then does he care, and he just keeps disregarding your feelings because you're supposed to like it. You're the future luna of his pack and everyone expects you to be. You can't just leave.

The perfect mate, the perfect life.

Oh, what a perfect sham.

Eli was grateful that his mother wasn't paying attention when he ran into the house and up the stairs. He was grateful his father was nowhere to be found as he struggled to open his bedroom's door. He felt scared as he threw away his tattered clothes as if he was getting rid of a bad memory.

And Eli was grateful that he could blame his heat for his tears.

The heat was pooling already, and his body yearned for Alec's touch. Burned for it.

Painful goosebumps ran through him just imaging it, Alec's hand trailing over his skin sending jolts of pleasure all over him. Eli took one of the needles that were supposed to help with his heat, and unhesitatingly plunged it into his skin to get rid of this curse caused by his biology.

It didn't do much at first, but it gradually got better as he fell into his pillow.

His eyes were still teary, he was still so afraid and not ready, and he knew that from this point on that his relationships will never be the same.

Because right now his body might have yearned desperately for Alec's touch, but Eli desperately wanted it to yearn for nobody other than Ari.

He wished to just escape with him, wake up to his beautiful smiles and soft kisses. Spend days just talking about nonsense and hear the lilt in his giggle. Eli would tell him he loved him, but Ari's words echoed in his head like a constant reminder of the reality he's in. A constant dull heartache that wouldn't go away.

"You don't love me like that."

If there's one thing Eli knew, it was that he was certain that this was a blatant lie. He loved to deny it when everything was easy. When he didn't realize that his bond trapped him into a shallow relationship, one where a lot of work would need to be done. Did he or did he not love Alec?

Because he knew he loved Ari like that with absolute certainty.

Alas, his fate is locked, and his feelings would never be reciprocated. It was made obvious that he was doomed to be with Alec from the start.

Ari would have never hurt him.

Really, poor dumb Eli.