A Cold Start - Anakin x Reader

changes

Since we've been rescued from the ship, things have changed for the better and for the worse.

First of all it was nice to be out of isolation and part of civilisation again. Obiwan had informed us about all the things that had occurred while we were absent and it was so empowering to finally feel like a Jedi again for being available to take active parts in fighting the separatists. The plan was to bring us back to Coruscant and have us checked by medicals but still- just the thought of going on missions again soon was great.

What was more, it was awesome to not see my breath appear with every time I exhaled- and it was even better to feel my feet again. They had been numb for way too long due to the extreme coldness on board of the old ship. A funny side effect of having left that coldness behind was that I had gotten so used to it that the temperature on Obiwan's ship felt like that of a tropical greenhouse. It was seriously hot and I even had to turn on the cooling system in my sleeping cabin that I no longer had to share with a special someone.

Anakin and I both had our separate rooms. They were both on the lowest of the three floors that this ship had and therefore not particularly far apart, but it was a huge upgrade to everything we had before in terms of distance.

Speaking of Anakin. There was the big disadvantage of being in freedom again.

Last night, Obiwan, him and I had finally had a proper dinner together. During the course of the meal, Anakin hadn't spoken a single word with me. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even given me as little as a glance. It's not like I was unfamiliar with asshole Anakin's ways of humiliation, but prior to our time in isolation, he would at least talk back or make stupid comments.

We had hit a new low point you could say. And what caused it, I didn't know.

I also felt bad for Obiwan who once more could only sit and watch how his former padawan acted like a child. I had once asked Anakin to pass me the water- I was still used to an Anakin who I was certain would have done just that- but he pretended to be deaf, leaving Obiwan to pour me a glass instead.
It was hard to conceil my frustration, confusion and, I had to admit, hurt, but I didn't want Anakin to know that he could make me feel that way. I wouldn't grant him this triumph.

When I had finally been on my own last night, lying in a comfortable bed inside my very own cabin, I couldn't help but replay all the happenings of the past 48 hours.

I thought of how Anakin and I had shared highly intimate information, trauma in other words, with one another and how Anakin didn't take my showing of weakness as an invitation to humiliate me. As a matter of fact, he, too, had entrusted me with a very sensitive information about his sad past. I had felt honest compassion with him. And he with me, so I had believed. The deep connection I had felt with him then I couldn't deny either.
And a few hours later? I had woken up in his arms. Although, of course, it wasn't my nor his conscious decision for that to happen.
But of all memories, it was this one that seemed most insane to me. And insane was a true understatement. My head wouldn't wrap around that fact at all and I swore to myself that I was going to burry this memory in the depths of my mind and never recall it again!

But there were more memories than just this extreme one. For example those of the last few minutes on board of the ship that, too, were in harsh contrast to what the situation was like now. The memories consisted of simple but nice gestures of him. I doubted that Anakin would grab me by the waist and pick me up to help me reach the docking channel on the ceiling now. Even less so would he worry about me cutting myself on the sharp metal. Because right now, he did all that was in his power to prove that he didn't care about me.

No matter how often I replayed these last few scenes in my head, there was just no logical explanation for why Anakin's attitude towards me had changed so drastically in such a short span of time. One of the two Anakins I got to meet in the past 48 hours was playing a role. But I needed to figure out which of the two it was.
With that thought, I had fallen asleep.