He's My Boyfriend: A Jonnor Fanfic

Chapter 14: Apologies

Connor's POV:

"Jude, where are you? Why did you leave me?"

Its all my fault. I let things go too far. I should have never convinced him to go. Now I can't find him anywhere. I search frantically for him. I scream and scream for him but never get a reply. Jude, where the hell are you? I walk around the building and see Jude's body laying on the cement.

"Jude, Jude. Oh my god. JUDE!"

I wake up screaming and feel arms around me immediately.

" It's okay. I'm right here." Jude says soothingly into my ears. I cry profusely into his shoulder.

"It's not okay. Everything is my fault. I don't know what I'd do if something bad happened to you because of me. I'd never forgive myself."

He looks up at me.

"Stop. Look at me. Connor, I'm fine. We'll be fine. Stop blaming yourself for my actions. I did what I thought I had to do to protect ourselves. We'll get through this okay."

I cry and cry into his shoulder. I couldn't help but cautiously blame myself. Jude reaches up and strokes my cheek soothingly. I calm down and my crying subsides. I look up at Jude and he's biting his lip.

"Stop that, its never good."

He glances at me.

"What do you mean?"

I sigh.

"Every time you start biting your bottom lip, you're in deep thought and usually that's not a good thing. So tell me, what's on your mind."

He kisses me softly and grabs my hand.

"I'm sorry. If anyone should feel guilty, its me. You've been nothing but wonderful to me. You've tried to protect me on countless occasions and I'm truly grateful to have you, but sometimes I feel I don't deserve you and what you bring to this relationship. I'm broken, Connor. I have so much that I have bottled up and I can't talk to anyone about it. I don't want to reopen those wounds. It hurts too much. I feel that if I talk about it, it'll get worse. Did I ever tell you about when I tried on a dress at my last foster home?"

I shake my head.

"Well, my last foster father caught me and..." Tears started rolling down his face and he became choked up.

"Its okay. I'm right here." I coo into his ear as his breathing becomes more rational. I wait for him to continue.

"He beat me, saying that only girls wear dresses and boys never should. Callie saw him and tried to protect me and he pushed her into the door. Next thing I know cops ate there and his car is smashed. Callie did a number on his car with a baseball bat. We were seperated. Callie got sent to juvie and I was stuck in that house. That was until Callie came and got me out of there with Brandon."