❝Whispers In The Dark❞ || Gojo x reader

Chapter 50

 

You were waiting for the screams. At uncontrolled movements and screams. For the rage. But it was not so. Nanami tried to remain as calm as possible. But he couldn't stop the slight tremor of his hands from adrenaline. He couldn't help but sweat.

He never wanted this. He was afraid of what would happen now. Gojo can be anywhere. He can sense your energy. Even his energy. The thought that an unwanted person might already be behind the door was terrible. 

If he already knows where you are, the masking seal won't do anything. It wouldn't do anything anyway. What was he thinking when he put it on? Clenching his jaw at the very thought that his efforts would be in vain, he wanted to scream. 

Because you were the problem.

He couldn't really trust you. He wanted good for you, and you started doing what you wanted anyway.

He told you you'd be better off with him. And even if you believed it, you still did something like that. 

He could already feel his emotions boiling inside him.

He tried so hard for you. But you don't take it.

You're not the same person he used to know anymore. Even so, it is Gojo's fault. Not yours. However, that was enough for you to let the Gojo know.

You were never so close to Nanami that he would risk now. Wouldn't risk his life for something you're happy with. But he didn't want you to go mad. After all, there are also other people in the world. Not only Gojo. He can't cut you off that much from the rest. 

If this is what Gojo's love is like, it's best not to love him.

But it's all your fault. You loved him. You've been giving him a chance for years. So now, how can he help?

You gave him hope.
You loved spending time with him.
You deepened his madness, his jealousy.
And all this to erase your memory later. And no matter what you wanted to achieve with it, it failed.

Headaches when you met Gojo in the beginning. Right after you spoke to him. He was a stranger to you. But the longer you looked at him, the longer you listened to his voice, the more you felt the pain tearing through your head. The energy that kept your former life secluded has ended. The pain was caused by this increase in force to leave behind isolated memories. Once it broke, your memories came back. There was no more pain that lingered with you. 

Nanami knew that. He knew you wanted to forget. He didn't ask for reasons. Because once you did, you must have had something to contradict your thoughts. 

Conscious fear. Fear of the Gojo. Fear of what he does, what he tells you. What does he do to others... Even loving him somehow couldn't get over the fear. 

And also you didn't have anyone to help you overcome this feeling. The person who loves you outside of Gojo.

You knew then that Nanami doesn't love you. That is why you were looking for consolation in the arms of your senpai. The only one who loved you. And Nanami carved a painful mark on you, and the fear of loss. That's why you don't want to disappoint Satoru. 

Before Nanami spoke, or worse, he started screaming, you started talking yourself.

"You know... You always told me that I couldn't follow the rules at all... And you were wrong again. I have rules. I am to be happy with him. That's why I try to follow this." you said getting up.

"Because he'll do something to you?" he asked with a snarl.

"You may not understand this... It is thanks to these rules that I am safe. The more I follow them, the better my life becomes."