GOLDWING (ing version)

chapter 33

14 cities, 14 states, 14 plane trips, 14 times that I performed always with thousands of people watching. After 2 intense months, our North American tour was over at the Paramount Theatre in December in Seattle.

Between running around, lots of pressure, traveling, interviews and events, I was still pregnant. 15 weeks, which is equivalent to three months. The excessive tiredness, body changes, and morning sickness were very present, but I knew how to disguise them. I could see everyone around me worried about me because while they were leaving after a concert, I was dragging myself to go to the hotel. I didn't know if I was going to tell him about it, about the baby. I was afraid of his reaction, of seeing it happening. Sometimes it didn't even seem real that it had happened. Like, how is it possible? He supposedly couldn't have children, and he tried dozens of times with his partner. And the first time he has a one-night stand with his best friend, she gets pregnant, with a healthy baby. Also, he didn't dare to have an abortion. Because if I ever lost him for any reason, that little human being would always have a part of him, and a part of me. Many times, I thought that wasn't real. But it was, and it had happened. I was pregnant. It wasn't a lie. In the consultation I had in Seattle, I found out a lot. There are three trimesters in pregnancy, and I had just finished the first trimester. That stage was crucial because your organs were forming, and your functioning begins. My due date was close to May 26 to 30, close to the tour's end. I knew that I would not be able to hide it all until the end but for now, I chose to ignore that fact. The baby could also already hear sounds, so I could talk to him. In this case, he would hear a lot of rock music, and people screaming. Poor little guy.

My belly had started to appear, and just looking at it felt strange and happy at the same time. Slowly, over the days, nausea started to subside, and I started to feel hungrier. Feeling that someone was growing inside me was very impressive, and made me feel magical. When I left the appointment I took an Uber and went back to my hotel to pack my things, as I would be on a plane to Vienna in a few hours. I went back to the hotel, packed my last things in a rush and put myself in a van on my way to the airport. That day was one of those days full of hurry, things scheduled. But despite all the pressure, I kept calm. But the others, no. I felt Damiano was very tense the last few days. I mean, since what happened in August things were never the same again. But still, he cared about me, talked to me, and worked with me. However, from one moment to the next, he changed for everyone. For almost 1 week he had been bad with the three of us, and it was all being chaos. We barely socialized for that week, often staying in our hotel rooms instead of going out. Things like that happen, and fights happen. After all, after all, we are a band, with 4 different people, 4 different personalities, 4 different heads thinking about different things. The flight was still long, about 16 hours, with stopovers. Many times, as I didn't have time to rest, the only opportunity that existed were these long flights. It was close to 5 in the afternoon in Austria, and it was a beautiful day, with lots of sunshine. I had been on a plane for 24 hours to get there, because we had a long stopover in Iceland, of about 6 hours. As soon as we arrived in the country, we had to rehearse, because in 5 hours we would be doing a concert, sold out with people. So I didn't have enough time to rest or to eat. I only had time to rehearse, play, and to still take the time to rest minimally while getting my makeup done. And that never goes well.

The moment I walked on stage in that all-bordeaux suit, I heard inside my head the words my doctor had told me: "If you don't eat, the baby doesn't eat either. If you don't eat, your blood pressure goes down, and so does your blood sugar. And if the blood sugar or blood pressure goes down, you know what happens?" Bradycardia. During the concert, I kept thinking about it. My head was going round and round, and my vision was getting blurred. When I couldn't take it anymore, I dropped the bass on the stage floor and walked the inside the stage. "Vic, are you feeling all right?" one of the assistants asked. "No," I replied.