GOLDWING (ing version)

chapter 21

"There's an ending for every storm." - Grey's Anatomy.

(months later)

VICTORIA'S POV

It sounds like a lie, but yes. I survived.

But first, I have to tell what happened....

After my first two surgeries, I started having breathing difficulties. Which later, came to be really proven as pneumonia. It really seems impossible, but in a space of days, I suffered an overdose, internal bleeding, and pneumonia. I was hooked up to a machine that breathed for me for weeks until my condition began to improve. My diet was restricted, as one of the side effects of the medication I was taking was nausea. I had part of my hair shaved off because they needed to stop some internal bleeding in my brain. They think it happened when I hit my head on the corner of my bed, but I don't even remember much that happened that day. It was an intense few months of recovery in room 8 on the fifth floor of the hospital, accompanied by comforting walks through the maternity ward corridors and unexpected visits.

Soon after I had partially resolved all my most troubling health issues, I began another, even more, difficult recovery process. Abstinence.

I was in a rehabilitation clinic for 3 months, and this was without a doubt the most difficult phase of my entire life. My room was totally adapted to my condition. Basically, I had no curtains, no sharp objects, or anything that could be a minimally powerful object to be able to hurt myself. I also attended an alcoholics anonymous group on a weekly basis. And besides taking a lot of medication that made me numb in a way that I didn't want to get out of bed. In that whole process, I lost 15 pounds, and many times, the antidepressants took away my desire to eat. It was not healthy for a young adult to weigh 40 kilos, but in the circumstances, I found myself, I couldn't expect much more. My hair was thinning, and I saw my bones becoming more and more visible. I was entitled to visits every 2 weeks, most of them being from Nica and Thomas. And Damiano, well.... he never visited me while I was there.

In fact, I hadn't seen him since I had left the hospital. I thought he had read my letter, and that he was upset. Every time I asked Ethan why Dam didn't come to visit, he always answered me with "He'll come next time" or "He's too busy." And no, he never came 'next time'. And after 3 months, I went home.

I mean, to the place I used to call home. Because often 'home' is not a place, but a person. Him.

Every moment I was out of the clinic, I felt like a monster caged inside its own world. People looked at me in a strange way and were strange about my thinness, or my condition. At least in the clinic I was minimally understood by someone, be it my fellow therapists or the nurses. Nica dropped out of college to take care of me, which I begged her not to do. But yes, I have to admit that she saved my life many times. And Gio often took me to appointments, or to weekly clinic meetings. Whenever I asked her about Dam, she didn't know what to answer. Often, she would say nothing and just hug me. No one would give me an explanation for his absence, and this angered me in an extreme way. No matter how many people I had on my side, none of them would be like Damiano. None of them could rock me to sleep like him or cheer me up on dark days.

One day I decided to really act about it. I decided to come home. My sister had gone out to dinner with friends, and I was home alone. So I went into my room, looked for the only clothes that still didn't fit me that tight, and left the house. Then I went down to the garage, where only my car was there, since Nica had taken the motorcycle. And the moment I stepped inside; I felt my whole body shaking. I hadn't been out of the house alone for ages, and I wasn't allowed to drive. But seconds later, I started the car and drove. To his house.

I didn't know what I would find there. I might find only Gio, or only Dam, or both sleeping with their cats. But I was praying along the way that Gio was out of town, because she wouldn't like to see that discussion. Not at all.I arrived, parked the car where I usually park, and walked up to the floor of her apartment. And when I knocked on the door, it took minutes for someone to open. Until he opened.

"Good evening. Wait a minute Vic?" he said, in a worried voice. He was wearing black jogger pants, and a sweatshirt of the same color, which was covered with cat hair.

To me, he looked totally different from the last time I had seen him.

"Yes, Dam. That's me all right," I said, with a little anger in my eyes.

"Who brought you here?"

"No one. I decided to come alone."

"But... you can't drive."

"That doesn't matter now. Anyway..."

"So why did you come?"

"Why did I come? We haven't seen each other for over three months. I think I need an explanation."

"Vic, I...."

"Just say it! For 3 months everyone around me has been telling me that you never came to the clinic because you were too busy."

"Victoria, please calm down."

"Really? Are you seriously asking me to calm down? But you know, after all this shit, I'm not surprised by anything anymore."

"Come in, Vic. Just get in. You're getting pale."

The house was slightly different. The furniture had been moved, the paintings replaced, and you even had a new TV. In the midst of his things, he found my old oxygen machine, and took it to your room

"Is the machine still working?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Do you want me to tell you something?"

"Yes..."

"So... Giorgia and I have been trying to have children. That's why she was helping you to go to your clinic. She had an appointment there too," he said. I swallowed that sentence like it was some huge medicine. My heart gave a slight pain, most of it psychological.

"Really? That's... that's amazing."

"Yes, but... She had numerous miscarriages. And..."

"I'm... I'm sorry..."

"But you know, it's not just her problem. Endometriosis sucks, but that's not the only problem."

" So, what is it?"

"Vic, I... I can't have kids," he said, with his eyes watering.

"Damiano, I'm... I'm sorry. Really sorry," I said, giving him a hug.

We stayed for a few minutes wrapped in each other's arms. I hadn't felt the warmth of his embrace for months. I felt him cry, and I cried along with him. Dami had always loved children, everybody knew that. We had even talked a while ago about the possibility of having children at the same time and them also becoming best friends, just like us. Every time something bad happens to people I like; it seems to hit me twice as hard.

"I missed you, you know?"

"I missed Vic too, believe me."

"Dam, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Why didn't you come to visit me when you were at the clinic?"

There was a deafening silence in the space. He looked me in the eye, and answered:

"Do you want me to tell you the truth? I felt guilty. Every minute that I saw you in that hospital bed, I felt guilty. Those times when your heart simply stopped beating, I felt even more guilty. I felt that... maybe I could have done something so that it wouldn't have happened. And if I kept watching you get even sicker, it would make me sick too. And it really makes me sick."

-
hiii :)
were y'all expecting the survival of Vic?
this chapter is an introduction to the next chapters, that I'm really liking to write!

thanks for reading <3
mel.