GOLDWING (ing version)

FLASHBACK - illicit affairs

writer's pov

It was January. Just a few days after Dam and Vic's lips touched for the first time. Paris is called by so many the city of love, and they never doubted it.

The days back home were intense. Picking up in the studio on the soundboard, walks with no start or finish time, long stays in each other's rooms. Thomas and Ethan could sense something was up, they were never dumb. Leo really knew that and never made a point of hiding it, even if he was still surprised by the event. Having his two best friends in a forbidden relationship wasn't easy for him, let alone them.

Damiano and Victoria explored each other every day like a baby discovers the world after it starts walking. They missed recordings, were late for rehearsals. He wasted hours with her in her room when she cried, when she wanted to just give up. He was the one who convinced her to love her scars.

The world was perfect in Lombardy, on the country side, away from the noise and bustle of Rome. A spike in Vic's health happened, she had decreased her use of oxygen. In Dam, his brain as been more distracted, became less nervous, less deep in her own and Vic's problems. But there was still another world out there. A world in which there was an advertisement for a giant romance he was starring in with another woman. Where Victoria spent nights in hospital because she was afraid of what she might do to herself. Where the pressure of fame was killing. Where society was electing fascist politicians to rule huge countries. Where war was close to coming.

It was one of the band's last weeks in the home studio. Lavinia had been coming with Thomas for some time and was being good company. Giorgia was ill, allegedly. But when Vic least expected it, she walked through the gates of the house. In her, she saw everything she didn't have. A boyfriend like him, perfect curves, breasts she was never going to have, some mental stability, happiness. Envy was too strong a word. She didn't wish her bad, even though Gio had said horrible things about her behind her back. But every time she saw her, that world Vic had created in her head during her recovery would crumble. The world she and Dam lived in together, that he made dinner almost every night, that he didn't change when his mate was around. It was a love that was still unknown, little explored. Which it seemed, hurt even more.

Vic's love interests had never been lasting. A few one-night stands, affairs with famous people and groupies. Most were people incredibly similar to Dam. Humble, nice, caring. But they were never how she idealised, how she wanted them to be. It was in that moment that she realised that that love had always been there. That it was meant to be.

Giorgia's gaze crosses Vic's body in seconds. On the outside she was smiling, but on the inside she must have been enjoying her all-seeing transparent black dress. That's when Dam arrives from the bedroom and kisses her. Little did she know what they did in the bedroom before she arrived.

Two days with her seemed like an eternity. He changed when she was present, became more submissive, colder. As it was already proven, his jealousy was not little. Even his interaction on stage was less. Everyone noticed this, except Vic, up to a certain point.

As much as Victoria was a person who could control herself, some things you just can't keep forever. The jealousy, the feeling of doubt, the pain of seeing someone you love with someone else. Could it be that she was overreacting? Were her feelings too much? That was running through her head all the time.

They were alone in the studio, Thomas and Ethan had rehearsed and gone to get dinner, Giorgia was out with her mother. The task they had was to tidy up the cables, take the instruments apart. It was the penultimate day in the studio, then they would have a break and return around spring. Damiano had proposed to Giorgia the day before, Vic didn't know that.

"Victoria, we need to talk," Damiano said, putting his guitar down inside his bag. His gaze already looked a little wet.

"If you want more, I... I can't," she replied. Her feelings were too confused at that moment. She didn't have the stability to handle that.

"I can't do this anymore," Damiano stated. "It was a mistake, Vic. The kiss. That argument at that festival. That whole thing. I'm dating, that's wrong."

"Listen to me, Dam," she said, her gaze on fire. "Neither of us wanted that. Do you really think I wanted to ruin my friendship with my best friend? That I wanted that? Something that seems to be more illicit every day? So I ask you, if you don't want it so badly, why are you always after it? Why do you hunt me down in this house, take me to your room when no one is watching? If that's all a lie, if it's all so wrong and stupid, why do you still want it."

"I never said I wanted it."

"Even a blind man sees that, Dam. Whereas me, I seem to have been blind for too long, and letting myself go on this fantasy that it's this prototype relationship that can save me, when I can't be with anyone right now. I don't even know what love is anymore."

He looks her in the eye and kisses her. Salt water splashes over both their bodies, no one knows whose fluids are whose. He only knew that he wanted to stay forever in that moment, but they were trying to take it and take her away.