GOLDWING (ing version)

FLASHBACK - iris

Victoria: Only 15 days had passed since Harp had been born. That first week was very important, it's a period of adjustment, of establishing routines. No one prepares you for the responsibility of feeding a being more than 10 times a day, of protecting that little angel that is just an extension of you, and in the middle of it all having compassion for yourself. From one day to the next, I faced a body that didn't feel like it was mine, with lots of excess skin, sore parts and endless fatigue

Damiano: I had just been released from the hospital, after almost two weeks in a state where I didn't even know who I was. In those days I was forcibly sober, with tremors in my hands and seeing things, what they call hallucinations.

Leonardo Grillo (businessman, director, friend of the Maneskin group): I acted as if everything was under control, but the truth is that deep down, I was terrified. Damiano was weighing 59 kilos, had lost all his strength and the sparkle in his eyes. My best friend of years had let himself be consumed by drugs, and what I didn't understand was the fact that he had pushed me away.

Laura Alfonsi Castelli (photographer and sociologist, Ethan Torchio's ex-wife): The anger was enormous. Victoria didn't need the presence of any rescuer, but watching her give birth alone in a long and painful birth was something hard to watch. People who had the opportunity to know Damiano know that never in this life would he miss a moment like that.

Nica de Angelis (businesswoman, model, sister of Victoria de Angelis): Can I say one thing? He didn't see my sister as a person while she was pregnant, but only as an incubator. We both have talked about this several times I think we both agree on that.

Victoria: Everyone was helping. Harp found Nica's voice very familiar, so that outside the womb that was one of the only things she knew. Ethan had enormous patience to stay with her on his lap. She was so small she was the same size as his forearm. I knew they were doing their best to distract me from the reality, which was very harsh. And for a few moments, I could believe them.

Leo: I landed on Scottish soil 2 days before the wedding, with Damiano. I wanted to believe that the situation wasn't that bad, but it was.

Damiano: I ended up accepting his proposal. As soon as the wedding was over, I would go back to Italy and go into rehab for a minimum of 6 weeks.

Leo: One of the things I had required of him was an apology to Vic. But for that, he needed to be aware that he had done something wrong. And he wasn't.

Nica: When Leo called me to say that Damiano was in Glasgow, I was so angry. And when he said he wanted to see Harps, the more pissed off I got. My will was to pretend I never heard those words; and I didn't even know how to tell Vitto about it.

Damiano: I vividly remember that at the entrance to our hotel room, Leo looked deep into my eyes, took my hands in his and pinned me against a wall. He told me that if I didn't have anything good to say, that I'd better keep quiet. And so I stayed.

Victoria: Before he came into the room, Nica just communicated to me to stay in the bathroom. And there I stayed.

Leo: I knew Nica well enough. She was never afraid to speak her mind, and I knew perfectly well that she had more than enough of a case to make the moment Dam stepped onto the floor of that room. That's why she was one of the first people to know about his overdose.

Victoria: Harp was clinging gently to my arm, already bathed. Some trace that she had been inside me was disappearing, and her umbilical cord was ready to fall off. I remember that moment because that was the first time I felt how much I needed her, and she needed me. The maternal spirit is not born with some people, and I admit that for a long time I thought I was one of those people. But, as it turns out, that was transplanted into my soul.

Damiano: The first time I saw my daughter, I was anaesthetised on a giant dose of sertraline. I think that phrase is self-explanatory.

Leo: We walked into that room and Nica was sitting on the bed, surrounding Harper, who was asleep in a little cot, and I saw Vic in all her features. Her almond eyes, her simple but striking lips, and her timeless blonde hair. And the moment I looked at Dam, I realised that our reactions were not compatible.

Damiano: I had spent all those years wondering what that moment would look like during all the injections I took to determine whether or not I was infertile. But I didn't feel anything.

Nica: His eyes had a deserted space that could fill the Coliseum, and as much as he'd been an asshole, seeing him like that hurt too much.

Victoria: The shower was on, and I stepped inside it when I felt the bedroom door lock. I felt wet clothes stick to my body as I came into contact with the water, and water came out of my eyes too, and a shower of memories came back into my mind, of times when I knew I was alive only in moments when I saw blood coming out of my skin. I could have given up at that very moment, and I wasn't short of reasons to do so. But a certain point, you learn that you have to live with the darkness around you as much as you live with the one inside yourself.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive.

Goo Goo Dolls, Iris.