"You float out at sea, and then one day you find a port, say, I'm going to stay here a few days. A few days becomes a few years. And then you forgot where you were going in the first place. And then you realize you don't really give a shit about where you were going because you like where you're at." A Star is Born (2018).
Rome, Zurich, Stockholm, Budapest, Krakow, Istanbul, Athens, Amsterdam, Dublin, Copenhagen, Vienna, Madrid, Lisbon, Milan, Prague... Almost 2 months later, we had just arrived in Paris, France, on June 18th, Angel's month birthday, to do the last concert of the tour.
We were exhausted, but happy. It had been an intense 5 weeks, but totally worth it. After landing on French soil, we only had time to go to the arena for sound-checking and to get dressed. During the 20 concerts we played, we wore clothes designed by her, Vic de Angelis, all the same, but in different colours. We wore pink, blue, purple, black, indigo, dark green, red, brown, fuschia, pistachio...and the cream was for the end. That became a tradition: wearing cream in the most important moments. Vic's style had changed completely, and now, she had more desire to wear dresses from the moment she started designing them, thinking about their details and mixing her unique feminine essence and style. On the nights she had trouble falling asleep, she would find herself hunched over her sketchbook, which was full of drawings. Ever since she got the news the fashion college applications, she's been super excited about it. And I've been supporting her more than ever. I feel like she's tired, but in a way, happier than ever. I notice the relaxed way she lies next to me at night, and more and more I notice she falls asleep faster, very deeply, the way she manages her time. This tour instead of bringing hell to her, has helped her in an incredible way.
A small proportion of the people who saw our concerts were telling us their stories. Suicide, depression, drugs, emotional addiction, eating disorders and anxiety were the most common, sadly. They thanked us for portraying topics that are still unspoken about in our society, and for embracing their biggest nightmares with messages of hope and lightness. On each of the nights they told Vic such stories, she would come to our hotel room and cry on my shoulder, so happily emotional was she. "Vic, you've never been alone in this struggle," I would often tell her. Only once, a young woman in Dublin told us her story, that she had lost her premature baby after leaving a rehabilitation clinic for drug addicts. The woman's name? Gigi, short for Grace. Angel's middle name. It was a huge coincidence that moved us immensely, because we had never met anyone else who had gone through a similar situation to ours without being inside sterile walls. I let a tear escape at that moment, but Vic held strong. It was our turn of saying that she was not alone without properly putting it into words. We wanted to tell her that we understood her pain as our own, but we couldn't. The loss of Angel, as much as Vic's hospitalization was a process that only the people closest to us knew about. The non-expose of it was something we always took for guaranteed.
There we were, her and I, sitting on one of those boxes they take backstage with the instruments and our clothes, talking about the new flavor of Dunkin' Donuts that we had tried the night before and got addicted to behind lilac spotlights. It was only a few minutes before we went on stage, but playing the final concert of the tour instead of making me nervous, put me at ease. That month, I felt free, with no secrets. I felt free to love Victoria - a thing that used to must be hidden - to show that both to her and to the world. to recover the years we've lost in discovering feelings in ourselves so we could exist. And that was the most important thing to me: her. Because I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to be with her forever. Cliché, I know. But she is special, and I have never had such a close relationship with anyone in my whole life. This love has already made me do crazy things, but I guess that's just how it really works. To love, you need courage.
The background music stopped, the crowd started screaming and the warm spotlights came on once again. And we walked on stage holding hands, as always. Waiting for us on the stage were 2 high chairs, a microphone at their height and 1 guitar. With us, we were joined by some background instruments, which were "our band" for that short period of time. The 11 songs echoed in the space, and so did the several minutes of applause. Just as I am about to pick up the microphone tripod to sing the last song, Vic tilts it to her right.
"This song was written by me in the early hours of the morning in a hotel room in Vienna, Austria, it is from the most recent tracks. It is for all those who have somehow lost someone or something they didn't know was so important until they lost it. I also wanted to dedicate this song and this concert to someone who I really wanted to be here, but unfortunately cannot be present. Ladies, gentlemen, outros, to close our last night of Lullabyes on Tour, My Little Love. Thank you all."
That sounded rehearsed how beautiful it was. But it wasn't, she never said that before. She was talking about Angel in that song, about the ability to love something so small. A subject that was still very sensitive to her. And yet, she had the strength to touch that subject very lightly. If all had gone well, Angel would be somewhere in the audience with someone from management, only 4 months old. Her identity or parentage had probably not yet been revealed to the public, as we had planned, and we would only touch on the subject once she was 1 year old. Now, we didn't have her present in our arms, but in our hearts.When she finished playing the last chord of the song, I grabbed her cheek and kissed her in front of that giant audience with great pride. Proud of her, proud of us.Paris, June 18 will always go down as one of the most touching concerts I've ever done in my life. We left the arena in tears, hugging each other.
Arriving at the hotel, instead of going to some nice restaurant for dinner and going home, we decided to stay one more night, and do things the way they were before. One night, one pizza, one movie. But this time, with a lot of love in between.
-
"I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I'll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us
We're far from the shallow now." in Shallow, A Star is Born (Soundtrack). Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper .
-
Hi guys! Please share with me your thoughts about this, I'm so thankful for everything.
love,
mel<3.
YOU ARE READING
GOLDWING (ing version)
Fanfiction"You know, falling in love with a person you have no intentions of falling in love with is one of the most genuine forms of 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 I've ever known, and also the most painful." - a completely fictional story, not intended to disrespect the people i...
