Patsy (the victim)

26

The excessive loud crying of mama is what makes Hashim fasten his pace and enter the quiet compound, he was suprise to see Zahra'u bedroom door open and the fact that she's laying down just staring at the little girl doesn't help his curiosity as he pick her up swaying her giving Zahra'u a weird look.

"Maman mamah." Hashim call but Zahra'u just stare at the wall.

She's tired, exhausted and wishe she can just close her eyes and never open them, as the doctors voice keeps ringing in her ears all Zahra'u could think of is why is she doing all she can to save mama when she's just a forbidden fruit of a victim, she already made up her mind, this night she will take mama to any orphanage and leave her, she can't continue suffering because of her when she was the reason she is in the situation she is, Zahra'u blame the little girl for everything and at this point she just doesn't care because what is worst than the disease she's carrying.

"Zahra'u." Hashim call sitting next her giving her a weird look, it's the first time he sees the all happily, smiling bubbly maman mamah so emotionally derange and it scared him and break him at same time.

"Maman mama is everything alright?
I thought you said mama had her dialysis session this morning?
What happened?" Hashim ask worriedly as he keeps swaying the little girl who's reaching to grab her mum but to his suprise Zahra'u push her away making him to pick her.

"Zahra'u what happened?
Do you want money for something?
I have already have half the money of the next session if that's what you are worried about,
Why are treating this innocent girl this way, it's not her fault you know that." Hashim say and that just upset Zahra'u the more.

"Then it's who's fault?
My fault?
Is it always my fault ?
Will I always be the victim and still be blame, I don't want to be her mother,
I don't want her Hashim,
I don't want anything to do with her because anytime i see her it reminds me of everything, I'm tired of pretending everything is OK." Zahra'u say crying as Hashim slightly path her in the back.

He doesn't know what is wrong but he's certain whatever it is Zahra'u is in alot of pain and she just need that comfort and assurance.

"It's going to be OK." Hashim reassure but she shake her head.

"It's always going to get worst,
I will never find happiness." Zahra'u say and Hashim sigh.

"Zahra'u,
Be patience, and Allah can't put you in a situation unless he knows you are strong enough to handle it,
I don't know whatever pain you are going through but mamah doesn't have to bare the consequences of it,
She's just a small girl all she knows is that you are the only person she can trust, she always run to you whenever she's in pain or afraid of something because she believe in only you,
She trust you Zahra'u and she believe you are the only safe place she will run to whenever she's in danger,
That is trust Zahra'u and someone can have that much trust only with a mother." Hashim say but Zahra'u just breakdown.

Its too much for her to handle,
She have never for once have a long taste of happiness, every chances if a good life she have always slip away from her, she's a victim but everyone she meet always used her and act as the victim, it's upsetting and tiring.

"For how long Hashim,
For how long can i continue like this." Zahra'u say, she fear she will suffered thesame fate as her mum, she glance at her daughter with a sigh.

Zahra'u reach out to the little girl and she instantly rush to her making her to sniff.

"I'm sorry." Zahra'u say even do her daughter barely understand anything but she is indeed really sorry.

She doesn't know what her mum has been through, all the sacrifices she make to raise her, Zahra'u knows maybe it's her own time to make those sacrifices, if her mum has given up on her she wouldn't be where she is today, she kiss her daughter on the forehead with a sigh as she clean her tears.

"Your food is in the kitchen." Zahra'u say tiredly and Hashim stare at her for a while.

"Be strong maman mamah,
Every person you are seeing, rich or poor have a battle only them can solve it." Hashim say and Zahra'u nod.

He talk to her for a while and leave when Aliya got back, that night Zahra'u spend it crying, praying to Almighty to guide her through every single step of this life she's living, Zahra'u is afraid, she's afraid and soo afraid that she knows if she continue staying indoor she will eventually commit suicide.

Her shift doesn't start until afternoon but she decide to leave early to the hospital, she paid the rickshaw and walk inside the hospital but the familiar voice call her.

"Maman Zahra'u.'Dr sadiq call gaining her attention.

" good morning doctor. "She greet putting on a forcefull smile.

As the two quietly walk to the hospital building Zahra'u shake off all the negative thoughts in her head.

" Zahra'u. "Dr sadiq call and she turn with a sigh.
" you will be fine,
I don't know how you are doing all this by yourself but i pray soon the Almighty ease all your affairs for you."Dr sadiq say and Zahra'u nod.

"Thank you." She say and the doctor enter the hospital and Zahra'u sigh, she untie her daughter who's fidgeting probably tired of been on the back and sigh.

"Mamah nah." Zahra'u say with a smile as she pick the backpack and head to the hospital entrance but someone slightly nudge her making the backpack to fall from her hand and she sigh tiredly bending to grab it but the hand reach out to it before her and she look up.

"Zahra." Bashir call confuse as Zahra'u stare at him dumbstruck and speechless.

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