POPSTAR (BEING REVAMPED)

Chapter 21

I watch out the window and spot Jayden talking to his manager and disappearing into the car we came here in.

I face Caroline and part my lips, I need to apologize, but before I can, she stops me.

"You don't have to apologize, I know you didn't know what was going on," she smiles softly but I know she's still upset.

"That's not entirely true, I just . . . I was so caught up in everything," I explain and she nods.

"I know . . . and I get it, I really do." She says and I give her a nod. I'm beyond thankful to have her and I know she knows my heart and the way I feel about her; she knows my core she always has seen right through me.

"Here," she hands me her headphones and we both squeal at what just happened.

"Let's distract ourselves before you're on live TV," Caroline adds and I nod, desperately sticking one headphone into my ear and giving Caroline the other.

We turn on Jayden's songs and listen to them obsessively, singing with every word, learning every new song so quickly.

"Don't you remember him at all?" Caroline asks and my eyes look at her in confusion. I shake my head and she gives me a small smile.

"I wasn't sure if you had but when we were twelve, I had celebrity magazines and Jayden was, like always on the front page, his brown eyes, even as a twelve-year-old he was pretty hot," Caroline explains with a small giggle as my mind takes me back, have I really forgotten something like that?

My memory doesn't seem to be clicking until Caroline mentioned the interview of his teenage mother explaining how she was struggling on the streets, trying her hardest for any amount of money for her single-parent raised son, and finally, he exploded into fame. 

"I . . . I remember," I tell her and Caroline smiles at me, pulling out videos of him on the streets singing with his mother holding him in her arms as the child who looked to be barely able to speak, was producing music as no one had heard.

"He's so real . . . so genuine," I reply and Caroline nods.

"I don't like Jayden but, he has had a very insane life, his father left when he was a child and didn't want anything to do with his kid until then and now . . ." Caroline pulls out a magazine reading: "Jayden's father contacting him after over ten years of fame, a scam or genuine love for a long lost son?"

"Oh my god," I cover my mouth with my hands, to have to go through something like that; something so heartbreaking and have it spread all over the world is something I can't imagine, despite my parents being divorced, they're just fine when it comes to communicating to one another and when it comes to me, I feel as though they never separated.

"He's had it tough, even with the abundance of money and anything he wants really," Carolien says, runnings her fingers through her hair and I can tell that she's still trying to find her 'singer' style.

"But you don't like Jayden even with his hardships?" I speak, watching her eyes blink a few times before she shakes her head in a laugh.

"I'm sorry . . . I want to, but there's something in me that just doesn't click with something in him and I . . . I can't bring myself to like him or you with him," she breathes heavily and I try to hold in a laugh through both of our award smiles.

"You don't have to . . . as long as you support what I want," I speak and she nods, placing a hand on mine, it's warm and comforting but also light enough to feel as though no one is holding me.

"I will," she says, her red lips pressed together.

WITH ONLY THREE HOURS LEFT OF THE FLIGHT I still havenðt been able to go through the conversation I'll have with my mother in my head. I haven't had time to practice it or the mental sanity to be able to handle what will happen.

Caroline is too busy reading magazines right across from me and after being offered a ton of different deserts and food, I find that I'm only craving one thing; Jayden.

I didn't know that my feelings could shift this quickly but they have and I feel so stupid for having hated him for my two years of college, before that, I barely knew of him except what Caroline reminded me of when we were both twelve or so, and after that, I must have forgotten about him, until of course annoying Tiffani started spinning up his name.

Poor Tiffani, she's not only going to freak out, but she'll think that whatever imaginary friendship she thought we had, will now be broken and I can't help but feel slightly bad even though I'm fully aware it's only because of the guilt of telling my mother is now making me feel guilty about every thing even Tiffani.

I heave a deep sigh but Caroline's blue eyes are too berries in the magazine.

"Do you think Griffin will be okay?" She finally asks and I take a deep breath. Oh god. Of course, he won't be, I'm ruining everyone's life, making it worse for everyone.

"Let's just hope that he has gotten over me by now and that he doesn't care at all," I speak and Caroline gives me a small side tug at her lips which tells me that what I'm saying is beyond ridiculous.

I steady myself with a few deeps breaths, trying to allow my mind to think about a scenario where my mother would be okay with this but when I can't, I reach my arm into the air, clicking the button that has always made an air hostess appear magically beside me, but when the turbulence starts instead fo someone appearing with a glass of water, I find myself holding tightly onto the expensive private plane leather seats, hoping I'll somehow survive the more horrid turbulence my life is about to face.