All I Want Is You | Jensen Ackles

Chapter 48 - I guess our story ends here...

"Hey Jay please wake up." I shake his arm to wake hi up from the nightmare he's having.

His eyes fly open, terror fills them for a brief moment before confusion, then relief.. just like that time in that cottage, the same expression.

he stares at the ceiling, taking deep breaths, thinking or maybe just recovering from what he has seen. I wish I can get into his head and clear his thoughts because right now it seems like a war is going in there. I know it's about his father because both times he was screaming 'dad!'

"I want to tell you about it," he says. "This is so hard for me to say, because you're the first person I've ever wanted to say it to."

"And I don't want you to feel sorry for me, this is just so you know why I am who I am." I'm scared to move. His words are terrifying me, but I nod.

He takes his time, then says quietly. "I.. I sho- killed m.. my dad."

I inhale, my mind freezing, no longer can think correctly. I never expected him to say this. There were million scenarios running inside my head but this one never crossed it.

I don't know what to say. That's huge but it doesn't change the way I feel about you? Should I be worried? I'm not though.

"He was a gangster/ drug dealer. My mom Donna, she.. she loved him and he claimed to love her too, but he was just using her. Everything was okay between them, until the day she found out she was pregnant with me. That's when everything turned upside down. She told me I was never meant to be and I wish I weren't born.. no one wanted me and she even tried to miscarriage me but the doctors told her it was too late." His voice is soft and distant but it's still his voice.

"I was the cause of her hell.. Her life turned into a living hell because of me. he started beating her, burning her, torturing her. Then when I turned six, he started hurting me too, casually slapping me around every time he comes back home and something isn't going right in his business or lost in gambling. Mom tried to protect me but he was stronger and..." He sniffles quietly, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

Oh my god, so much went through his life and I never knew. I feel so sorry for him. No one deserves this. I can't help myself but imagine a child Jensen getting through all of this. This truly breaks my heart.

"He even made me eat drugs one day because he said I was eating too loud and he wanted me to shut up for ever." His eyes bleed with pain.

I can tell those words are some of the hardest he's ever had to say. It hurts him so much to admit this. I want to tell him to stop. I don't need to hear if it hurts. I want to wrap my arms around him and rip the sadness from his soul but instead I let him finish.

His bottom lip quivers then he continues, "And then there was Victor a policeman, he was working on a case about my dad and he asked mom to help him and she agreed. and he kinda had a thing back then on her. he treated her right and gave her the love she didn't receive from my father.. things led to another and they were kinda dating in secret."

"One day, I remember it was 18th of December. I had nine years old. And I didn't go to school for a week because my dad broke my arm with his own hands. Mom was still getting out to see Vic. Dad had eyes everywhere in the city and someone was spying on mom and gave him reports on what she's doing.

"I swear if I didn't interfere he would've killed her. she got back home, he slapped her the second she entered his room, then he was hitting her on the ground with his feet. He even broke a chair on her back. I didn't know what I was thinking but I wanted to protect her just like she protected me.

My eyes looked at the desk and there was a gun laying there. I don't know what I was thinking when I took it and I.. I.." he puts his hands on his face covering the tears staining it.