All I Want Is You | Jensen Ackles

Chapter 47 - so this is 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆

This is the worst day of my life. I just got expelled, Jensen still doesn't plan to apologize to me, and I just found a fucking fly in my plate of beans.

I let my bad mood get to my nerves and I scolded the owner of the restaurant. If it wasn't for Cheryl, they would've thrown me out with no mercy. I deserved it, I was acting like a Karen.

On top of it all, my fucking period is heavier than ever. My breasts feel heavy and painful. My nipples are so sore even a slight brush of the lightest, whisper-soft fabric sends a painful spasm through my body.

There is something wrong with me. Why does nothing in my life work correctly? Why do I have to mess everything up? I'm such a loser.

No, no, no. I'm not going to let my life go to rock bottom.

"I'm gonna go apologize to those guys," I tell Cheryl as I turn my head and walk in the opposite direction.. back to the UTD.

"No what the fuck are you talking about?" she stands in my way.

"Yeah, no.. I can't get myself expelled. What am I gonna do with my life?"

"Hey, your life is not over just because you got expelled." she shrugs.

"Huh. Tell this to my mom! I'm sure she'll have a stroke when I tell her."

"Oh, c'mon.. You're just being moody. Let's go to the dorms and think. There will be some solution, I'm sure."

"No there ain't. Let me go fix things before it's too late please."

"Yeah, good.. Go humiliate yourself in front of those assholes." she claps her hands.

At this point, I might just go throw myself over a cliff... It seems like the most logical thing to do. Everyone's life would be easier without me. I'm just a stupid burden who makes wrong decisions more than the right ones.

Tears spill over and flow down my face like a river escaping a dam. My bottom lip quivers and my shoulders drop in resignation.

I don't want to do this anymore. I wish everything could just stop.

****

I'm once again alone and I hate it. Cheryl is gone because her mom is in the hospital due to an overdose. She said she'll be back after Christmas to pack her things and leave. So this might be the last time I see her.. I hope not.

I'm curled in a ball in my bed and I don't know what to do. Should I call my parents and tell them about the great news?

This is hard. Every choice I could make is harder than the other. Calling my parents would be awful for them and facing them would be awful for me, probably them too but it'd be easier to let all their anger on me.

Too much thinking with no solution, only adds to my headache.

I turn on my laptop and put it on my belly. There is nothing better than Netflix right now. The browse page loads and the first recommendation I get is Supernatural.

I can't believe all this time I never thought of watching it. Oh my god, there are like 13 seasons to this thing.

I'm not going to start watching from the first episode because I know I'm not going to finish it. So I choose a random episode from the recent ones.

Ugh, Jensen. It's only now that I remember missing him so much. And he looks so good, but I prefer him in reality.

Oh, damn it! I hear a knock on the door but I don't want to stand up from my comfortable spot. The hurting finally stopped a little after I placed the laptop on my abdomen. Its heat somehow eases the pain.