All I Want Is You | Jensen Ackles

Chapter 42 - un beau souvenir

I have never walked this slow in my whole life. I don't know if it's because I'm waiting for Jensen to come after me or just afraid to reach my room where I'm alone and surrounded by my thoughts. Maybe both.

I don't know how much time I took to reach my room but eventually, I did.

Cheryl is not here. I have never wished to find her in the room but now I do. I don't want to stay alone.

I climb on the bed without removing my clothes, I don't have any more courage to stand another second. It hurts so bad when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.

Stop it. I don't want to think about him anymore. It's over, over.

Exams, It's the only thing that matters to me. Maybe this is good, now I have only one thing to focus on which is studying.

I stand up from my spot, looking around the room. We didn't clean in three days and I swear I can see all the bacteria flying in the air, everywhere.

I start by throwing away any trash around the room first and emptying the wastebasket. Then I pick up any articles of dirty clothing and place them in a hamper, they are all Cheryl's clothes, she really doesn't care about laundry at all. There are clothes of a week in here and it's too much, knowing that she changes her outfit sometimes twice a day.

I wonder if my sheets need to be washed and changed. I shower every day and never eat on the bed, literally never only for the exception of popcorn but even that I make sure it doesn't get on my cover. Since I'm doing a deep clean I might as well include them. I remove the comforter, sheets, and pillowcase and put them in the hamper and I make my bed using a spare set of sheets

With bigger tasks taken care of, it's time to focus on the details, Nightstands, dressers, vanities, and desks are all prone to becoming drop zones for small daily objects that accumulate over time. I put everything back in its rightful place.

Finally, the bedroom is free of clutter, the next step is to wipe down all surfaces, from the tops of tables to the legs of chairs and fronts of dressers and nightstands.

Almost getting done, only sweeping the floor is left and I do that too, making sure to reach as far under the bed and heavy furniture as I can.

The room feels much lighter and brighter, becoming a place that invites deep breaths and for the thoughts to slow as if one had just awoken.

I wish I could just lose these feelings as fast as I cleaned my room.

I find a bottle of 'BALCONES TRUE BLUE 100' under Cheryl's bed. I throw it in the wastebasket then I pick it up. It's half full. Maybe this shit is expensive and I almost throw it away.

I put it on her table then I pick up my physical sciences books and throw them on my desk all at once, making a huge sound.

I'm not in the mood to study but I have to. There is no option here.

Ten minutes pass and here is my copybook filled with tears instead of solved exercises. I could no longer hold the heartbreak and I let my head fall on the desk in a disheveled heap as my grief poured out in.

I look at Cheryl's desk, staring at the bottle of Whiskey for a little too long. People say alcohol makes them forget their pain. Maybe I should try it too.

I let the alcohol's vapor enters my mouth, filling my sinuses, simultaneously stinging and numbing any micro-cuts in the back of my throat, evaporating moisture from my tongue and leaving an almost effervescent sensation, I can taste the wood it was aged in.