A Loser's Thoughts on Life

Emotions

Hey Losers... So you might possibly remember that I published this rant quite a few weeks ago and then un-published it approximately five minutes later. But I couldn't bring myself to delete it. I felt weird about publishing it because it was so personal and it didn't really have a point... Like do any of you even care about the few times I've shown emotion in my life? I don't know, I was in a weird mood when I wrote that and felt like I needed to address it. And what's the point of wasting it, you know? So I edited it a bit to make it shorter and hopefully something that everyone can relate to.

I am a robot.

You think I'm joking, but I'm serious. I literally do not have emotions. It's like... When God was forming me, he accidentally forgot to add one of the most essential components of a human being: emotions.

Still don't believe me?

Well... What if I told you I committed the crime of the century?

Yup, that's right. I didn't cry at The Fault in Our Stars.

Not the book, not even the MOVIE could make me shed a tear. In fact, I was even... Dare I say... Bored during both the book and the movie.

Yes I know, I'm a monster, a robot and a heartless human being all rolled into one. I've heard it all before. But it's not my fault, I swear! I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I rarely cry, and when I do it's never in front of people. In fact, I think one of the only people who has ever seen me cry is my mom. And my sister. I hate crying in front of people, and most times I find it physically impossible to do so. Like, even when I am really, really, sad, I can't cry. I seriously think I was born without tear ducts or something.

See, emotions are scary things. Expressing my emotions makes me feel vulnerable. I feel weak. When I force a smile on my face and parade around like nobody could ever hurt me I feel strong. But the thing is, the strongest people in the world (to me, anyways) are those who aren't afraid to be themselves and showcase who they really are. And a part of that is sharing your emotions.

I understand that bottling things up is not the 'correct' way to deal with your emotions. You shouldn't deny yourself from feeling a certain way because no one can tell you how to feel, it's a personal thing and you are entitled to it.

That being said, I would like to clarify that I don't deny myself from expressing my emotions. As I mentioned before, I simply don't have emotions.

Okay, that's a bit of a lie/exaggeration. Of course I have emotions, but they just aren't to the same extreme as your average person.

But since when am I your average person, am I right?

As much as I get that emotions are part of being human (and not a robot :)) they also don't fix things. Usually it's easier to put on a smile and be happy instead of trying to figure out what you are feeling.

But thankfully, these are all in the past! Throughout the years I have become increasingy numb to these normal human emotions. Yup I am moving on to my new emotion-free lifestyle. It sounds bleak, but trust me it's great so far. If you don't give people the power to hurt you, then they literally can't hurt you.

So I'm not saying everyone should ditch emotions because the world can only handle so many robots. But I'm just telling you my story. The bottom line of every story of mine is: be yourself. So that's exactly what I want you to do. Don't do what I do/did, do what you need to do to be the best you can be.

Have an amazing day Losers!

xoxo Emmalynn