Mafia Queen

28

Beyoncé POV

"I feel weird today."

"Why? Are you feeling sick or-?" Asks Shawn as he kisses me on my right cheek. We are laying on the king-sized bed from our suite in Tokyo. This is supposed to be our last trip since we started traveling together a few months ago.

"I don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year."

"We didn't celebrate it last year either Bey."

"Technically, we did." I say as I remember the first time we had sex. He chuckles.

"Yeah, well sex isn't a celebration. I mean it is, but you never let me give you a present, so practically that wasn't a birthday celebration B." He says as he caresses my stomach. I roll my eyes.

"Because there is nothing worthy of celebration." I say out loud and a thick silence enters the room. I know that what I just said troubled him because I never felt his mood change. He is way too good at this and I sometimes let my mouth talk before I can think. I sigh out loud and I try to think of a way to get myself out of this mess.

"You're not happy?" Asks Shawn disappointed. This is the first time that I've ever seen him take his mask off when something troubling happened. I know that I hurt him with my statement.

"I am but...I hate that nothing works in my favor. Like I always have to...I always end up...I-..." I make a big pause because I want to find the right words. "I feel like people are always guiding me into what I should like instead of guiding me into finding my own persona, my own particular likings." I explain. Again, the silence rose between us and I am unable to say another word. That's how I felt my entire life. I have to wrap my head around the fact that at home I had super strict parents and that now I have a man that kidnapped me and loves me and a whole world who wants me killed. Even if I get back home, there is still a big chance I can get killed because my dad got in a lot of trouble while he was looking after me. He probably still is looking after me. He always will. "I guess I have to pick my struggle, huh?" I ask in a shaky voice. I hear Shawn make a strange sound.

"What do you mean?" He says as he keeps caressing my belly. The wound was healing and that made me completely happy.

"Well...No matter what I do, there will always be a big chance I could die because both you and my dad are into illegal stuff...and it's not like I ever got the time to really understand what I wanted to do in life. I guess I have to do that one day..." I say while letting my thoughts cloud my entire vision.

"But what did you mean by 'the struggle'?"

"No matter where I will go...I will always have to fight for my life." I confess to him and he nods.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. I got a price over my head the moment I was born."

He sighs and we stay in that position for a long time. Seconds, minutes, and hours pass and I can't sleep at all. It is 2 PM and even though the curtains are drawn, I can't manage to close my eyes. A dark thought enters my mind and I feel how the tears start tingling my eyes.

"shawn?" I whisper in a shaky voice.

"What baby?" He asks as he gets up, resting all of his weight on his left elbow. He was now laying on his side.

"I guess that Kelly can't stay close to us, huh? I mean, I know it's dangerous to make links, and having a friend is super difficult and probably I would put her in a spot where people could take advantage of her because she is close to the black widow." I say as I look into his eyes. He smiles at me, he also looked kind of sad and I don't know why.