War Has Begun (War Series #1)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Weird Beat

"I did not look at it," I mumbled while I was taking my test paper out of my bag. 

"Why?" Nagtatakang tanong ni Jadon habang tinitingnan akong binubuksan ang bag. 

Hawak n'ya ang manibela sa kaliwang kamay, habang ang isa naman, nakapatong lang sa kanang hita n'ya. Pagkatapos ng klase ko kanina, dito na ako dumiretso sa sasakyan n'ya nang sabihin n'yang nasa Torrero University s'ya.

Sanay na akong nagpupunta rito parati si Jadon. Hindi ko matandaan kung kailan dumalas, pero parang tuwing hapon o tuwing uwian ko, nandito s'ya sa university.

Kakakita lang din namin no'ng Sabado no'ng mag-aral kami. Ngayong araw inilabas ang nakaraang exam na pakiramdam ko, ibinagsak ko. 

"I want to see it with you. Para kapag umiyak ako, hindi makikita ng classmates ko," I said. 

Because crying in front of other people feels embarrassing, but crying in front of Jadon feels comforting.

Napangiti si Jadon at tumango. 

Tiningnan ko ang nakatiklop na test paper at napabuntong-hininga. I have a high chance of failing this. I know it. But I can't help but still hope that I passed it. 

I opened the test paper and saw my score. Napalunok ako nang makita na isang puntos na lang sana, sasabit na ako sa passing grade. 

Pero wala naman talagang pumasa sa amin... iisa lang sa section namin ang pumasa. Sa ibang section, I heard that Leion Zendejas almost perfected the exam. 

I sighed and expected myself to cry... pero walang namuo man lang na mga luha. Nilingon ko si Jadon at akala ko, nakatingin din s'ya sa test paper ko but I saw him staring directly at me, na para bang sa oras na 'yon, wala s'yang pakialam sa ibang bagay... sa akin lang.

I should be embarrassed about the grade I got, especially with him. Pero hindi ko 'yon maramdaman dahil pakiramdam ko, sa tuwing kasama ko si Jadon, kaya kong maging totoo.

I thought that I would need to pretend whenever I'm with him, but all this time, I have been nothing but true to myself. Maybe because he's not judging. He's understanding, freeing, and easy-going.

I feel accepted and understood, something I haven't felt before. 

"I didn't pass," I said, a sentence that is not familiar to me but I felt comfortable telling him. 

I thought I'd cry. Pero ngayong nakatitig ako sa mga mata ni Jadon, parang magaan ang pakiramdam ko at wala akong nararamdamang pangamba. I sighed while staring at his eyes. 

"You'll do better next time," he said with faith in his eyes. "We studied. It will pay off next time."

Tumango ako at tiningnan ulit ang test paper. We studied really hard last Saturday. Pakiramdam ko, may maisasagot na talaga ako sa susunod na examinations dahil nag-aral kami nang mabuti. I understood the terms I don't really get before. I can finally understand the concepts and the way I should analyze different problems.

"I just can't help but think what my parents would say," I mumbled.

There's this unexplainable fear I cannot name. Parang bigla-bigla na lang na sumusulpot at hindi ko alam kung saan nagmula o patungo. I just know that I'm scared.

In truth is, if I failed this exam, I wouldn't really mind. If I will only think of myself, failing is no big deal. Pero sa bawat pagkakadapa ko, naiisip ko kung sino ang mga nakatingin. Iniisip ko kung ano ang itatakbo ng isip nila at kung ano ang sasabihin nila.