The Ringleader | knj

51

My eyes widened in shock, the last part of his sentence making me stiffen a little.

"You... you were the one who was forced to marry?" my breath hitched a little in shock as he nodded, nervously biting his lower lip.

"I was forced to by my parents for their financial gain, just like you," he stared emotionlessly at the wall, a sombre atmosphere forming. I sat there, hugging my knees against my chest as I stared at him profoundly.

"No one cared about my thoughts or my feelings. As you said earlier, I was also just a pawn in their game of business and leisure," he continued. "But somehow, I'd managed a fortunate escape when the person I was meant to marry was caught up in an affair and sent away,"

My eyes widened, and I swallowed bitterly as I had an epiphany at his words; the photograph I'd found suddenly began to make sense now.

"You were the man that was engaged to Seolhyun?" My lips parted and I stared up at him dumbfoundedly.

Taking a deep breath, he shut his eyes, readying himself to delve back into his past.

"My parents were a rookie business investing in stocks, they had practically nothing compared to what you're father had. However, your father saw potential in them... and he saw potential in me. I mistook him for a decent man when he'd offered to help boost my family's business and offer us better opportunities, but I didn't know it would come at the cost of my own freedom." he explained, clenching his jaw.
I looked up at him, my eyes wide and eager to know more.

"He'd asked me to become the heir to his company, and marry into his family through his eldest daughter. Your sister, Seolhyun. I'd met her a couple of times, and we both shared an interest in literature... she even lent me one of her novels once, well as a typical sibling she said that the book  was hers, but I later found out that it actually belonged to you. And that's why I began to read it again." He smiled up at me and I felt my cheeks grow warm at his comment.

"Sure she was kind and meant well but I couldn't allow myself to sacrifice my whole life for a person I barely even knew. But then, at the same time, I couldn't watch my family suffer anymore and I knew that if I backed out, they'd have a lot to pay for. They were emotionally blackmailing me and I didn't have a choice,"

I bit my bottom lip as he continued his story, realising that that had been the exact same fate that I was now met with.

"And then, a few days before the wedding was to be announced to the rest of your family and news outlets, Seolhyun was caught up in a scandal, which was really just her and another man's relationship being discovered, and was sent away by your father."

My heart sunk as I realised that was the reason she'd been sent away from us... all because she wanted to fall in love with a person she genuinely cared for, even though she knew they would never work.

"But my parents... they didn't believe the wedding was cancelled because of her. They thought I'd messed it up for them because they knew how much I despised the thought of it..."

I watched as all of a sudden, his eyes began to grow glossy and he struggled to swallow. I comfortingly wrapped my arms around him, trying to ease his pain.

"They disowned me, telling me to never show my face to them again... even when I was prepared to give up my entire youth for them,"

I watched as a single tear escaped, landing directly onto the sleeve of my shirt.

"Nothing was ever enough for them... and whilst I constantly tried to prove myself... they thought of me as worthless. Never once has anyone even bothered to understand my feelings, its as if I truly don't have a purpose to people. So I hide under a mask of arrogance to try to convince myself that I'm better than that, even when I know it's just a lie I tell myself," I watched pitifully as he brought a finger under his eyelid and wiped the freshly formed tear. "They made me into the- the monster that I am today," he choked on his words, as more tears began to spill down his face. He tried his best to conceal his pain, but it was all to visible to me, and I pulled him into a hug of comfort.

"You're not a monster Joon,'" I whispered, burying my face into the nook of his now drenched neck. "You're so selfless and caring... the way you'd sacrifice your own life just for the protection of your real family, Bangtan, you're more than anyone could want and more," I stroked his dampened hair, watching as his muffled cries became lighter as his teary eyes rose upwards to meet mine. "And don't ever feel like you're burdening anyone with your troubles. If no one is willing to listen to your pain, then I'll listen to you. I myself know how much it hurts," I cupped his face with my hands, trying my best to hold my own tears as I looked directly into his sorrowful state.

He stared at me, tears glistening over his eyes as he sat there in silence.

He said nothing, his face scrunching up as he sobbed into me, his warm tears drenching the back of my once grey shirt to a black.

I'd seen him cry before after that one incidence where he'd come to apologise for injuring me, but this... this was a different kind of pain to watch.
It was as if he'd completely lost himself, bawling helplessly into my arms.

My lips parted in shock as I watched his sudden outburst of sorrow.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed, gripping my arms tightly as he continued to cry into my back. "I'm so so so sorry,"

I stiffened slightly as my confusion grew even larger at his words.
What was he apologising for?

"I treated you so disgustingly as soon as I saw you. I thought so lowly of you just because you were his daughter and yet you still... you still shower me with so much empathy and kindness," his bottom lip trembled a little as he spoke, ashamed to meet my gaze.
I stared at him, tears brimming in my eyes.

"Why don't you hate me Seoyeon?? You have every reason to show disgust for me so why don't you just-"

"Because I know you're not like that! I know you Namjoon. Maybe I haven't known you all my life but throughout the time I've met you, I know what you've been through, I know what's hurt you. You aren't that cold-hearted monster you pretend to be to guard your feelings, you're beautiful," I buried my head into his chest, wrapping my arms tightly around him as I began to smoothen down the creased and dampened material of his shirt.

He stared at me, his hazel eyes so doe and innocent, a small smile of gratitude forming upon his face as if he'd just replayed my words in his head.

"I love you," I heard him whisper as I wiped away the last of his tears.

His words made me freeze, a huge lump stuck in my throat at his comment, my thoughts suddenly interrupted as he pulled me into a big hug.

Ignoring the feelings of doubt, I smiled into his chest, knowing that although this moment wouldn't last long, the warmth it eradicated was enough to ease our pain.

"I've felt like that for a while now. I don't want that to make you feel obliged in returning them, I just wanted you to know," He gripped my hands in his, his fingers comfortingly rubbing circles against the back of my palm.

I stared at him, a whirr of emotions rambling about within my mind. I watched  as he got up and began to lay in my colder sleeping bag that I was complaining about earlier.
Slowly, I clambered back into his, its warmth instantly suffocating me.

His words were suffocating me.

How could he love someone he knew he couldn't keep...