Clay continued to stare at the words. They were sent through text, but knowing George as long as he did, he knew how much emotion was carried behind them.
He sat up straight, placing his hands on the keyboard to type, but after starting a sentence he immediately hit the backspace and started over. And again. And again.
He couldn't figure out the words that he wanted to say, he had resolved to tell him tomorrow. What difference would a few hours make? He looked back at the messages, and then at Georges username. He thought out a paragraph before actually typing it and he prepared himself for the worst as he typed it out in the message box.
"You didn't do anything, I'm sorry. But there is something I need to tell you. Message me back when you can." He looked at the small paragraph a few times over before sending it with a pang of regret. He watched the screen, waiting for a response. It was late for George so there was a chance he had already gone to bed for the night, but maybe he had stayed up in hopes of a response from Clay.
He watched as Georges online status changed from offline to online and he braced himself for the conversation ahead. Was he really this scared to tell George about something so normal to him at this point? Why would he be mad about Clay not telling him, it did seem fairly obvious that he didn't talk whenever George joined him and Nick in a call and he would mute. Maybe it really did seem like he was ignoring him. Like George had actually done something wrong like he assumed.
Clay stared at the lines indicating that George was typing. He waited in anticipation as the lines were quickly replaced with his friends message.
"Yeah, what's up?" The text was seemingly harmless, but he still had this irrational fear of what George would think.
"Don't get mad at me please." He pleaded through the text. He didn't wait for a response and started his paragraph, explaining everything to his friend. "There's no way to say this casually, especially since we've known each other for so long. I'm a selective mute, who I talk to isn't something I can control per say, and if I could talk to you I would, I really would. I don't know if it would make you feel better but even my mom gets the "silent treatment" . Something happened when I was younger, and the psych doctor said that its some form of PTSD, I'm trying to get better but its hard, I hope you understand and I'm sorry for not explaining sooner."
He didn't even look at it before sending. At this point there was no going back. He just hoped that George would accept his answer and not pry about what happened, or why he only spoke to Nick.
He watched as the response was in progress, the three little dots rippling on the screen as Clay waited in anticipation. Then the message sent, showing a short little message in response.
"Really?! That makes so much more sense! I thought I did something that hurt you." George replied, Clay looked confused at the message, obviously expecting an earth crushing message in response. He sighed in relief looking back over the message.
"Well now I feel bad but if you wanna talk I'm here." Clay hadn't even noticed his friend was typing and he read the cute little message. He made himself worry for no reason, and he realized that he didn't deserve George as a friend. He replied with a little thank you and relaxed back into his chair. The relief he felt was indescribable but how would they move forward from there?
Telling George wouldn't change the fact that he still couldn't talk to him in a VC. He was still mute even though one more person knew about his secret. He knew sign language, but that didn't mean George could interpret it, and that would also mean a video call. George had never seen his face before, was he really about to expose two secrets for George?
He certainly considered it. It had been so long, it was about time George knew what Clay looked like. But still, baby steps. He leaned back over his keyboard, typing a little reply to reassure George he was still there.
"Thank you Gogy :) you don't know how good it feels to get that off my chest. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it just yet but thank you. I love you <3" He added that last part to keep their running joke going. He said it with no true meaning behind it, but for some reason, this time it felt just a little bit more true than the other times he said it. Clay knew George wouldn't say it back which hurt a little, but he shook that feeling off. They were friends. Nothing more nothing less. Right?
Clay cleared his head and yawned, stretching out a bit, startling Patches in the process. She carefully leaped out of his lap, landing gracefully onto the floor and snaking out of the room. He smiled at the cat and turned back to his computer. George had replied.
"Of course you idiot."
Clay was right, no I love you back., but he smiled at their banter. Something he feared so much, wasn't anything to be scared of in the first place. This comforted his brain a little bit as he started to close all the tabs on his monitor. He left his discord open and looked at the time.
It was only 9 PM in Florida so it wasn't exactly bed time just yet. Clay was a youtuber after all, what was a sleep schedule to someone who played Minecraft for a living anyways? He pulled himself out of his chair and walked out into the hallway, seeing Patches circle at the bottom of his stairs. She wanted dinner, and she was too smart to not know what time it was. He walked down the stairs quickly, keeping a hand on the railing to steady himself.
Clay smiled at his cat as he reached the bottom floor, and went to the pantry in his kitchen, pulling out a can of cat food and a box of cereal. He carefully scooped out the cat food into Patches' food dish, setting it onto his marble countertops with a careful hand. She meowed at him as if to say thanks before going in. He moved onto his own food, grabbing a bowl from the cabinets and then his milk from the fridge. He set up the bowl of cereal with an expert hand, pouring the perfect amount of milk. Somebody call Gordon Ramsey because he was making strides in the culinary world.
He finally pulled a spoon out of one of the drawers in the island, scooping it into the bowl. He raised the spoon up to his mouth with a pile of milk drenched cereal and took a bite.
Dinner for two.
While it was simple he enjoyed this routine with patches. Normally someone his age would be out partying at college, or studying for an exam. Not eating cereal for dinner with their cat. But he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, happy with his career and friends that he made along the way.
Patches eventually finished and watched as Clay ate his cereal. She sat curiously, flicking her tail back and forth. Clay smiled at her and pulled out his phone with a mouthful of cereal. He pulled up the camera and took a quick picture of her sitting and staring with those wide eyes. Once he got a good photo he shoveled another bite of cereal in his mouth and opened up twitter.
He made sure he was on his second account before starting a new tweet, adding the photo underneath a caption that read "Lovely dinner prepared by my personal chef. Patches seemed to enjoy it." The bowl of cereal was obviously in the frame and the little specs of cat food could be spotted in the other dish on the table. He posted the picture and smiled as his likes multiplied by the hundreds.
He hadn't posted a picture of Patches in a while so his fans would probably start going batshit at the picture, some even going so far as to examine it for any revealed parts of his house. It only showed the familiar countertops and backsplash of his kitchen wall. He never understood why people were so fascinated with his house but he found it amusing.
He looked at the replies, seeing his friends mess around with weird responses. Ranboo had replied claiming that Creeper Crunch was a better choice, and Schlatt was also there bringing up his tier list and how both cereal choices didn't even come close to his S tiered favorites. This made Clay roll his eye as he took another bite.
Maybe he did want to be a regular college senior drinking the night away. He huffed and finished off the rest of the bowl, dumping the milk and rinsing out the bowl in the sink so that he didn't have much more of a clean up in the morning. He headed back up to his room, watching Patches race ahead and up the stairs. Once he caught up, she was already curled up in his bed, watching with her head nestled in on herself.
He had a couple hours of editing to get through so he sat back into his chair and got to work, cutting up audio bits and shortening the raw footage they had recorded the day prior. He heard a Discord notification sound over his headphones so he opened it up to see a message from Nick.
"What are you up to?" He asked. Clay reached for his keyboard, typing back a response. "Editing yesterdays recording wbu?" He replied, going back to his editing for a couple minutes before getting another message from his friend.
"nothing. vc?" Nick asked, waiting for his friend to call or tell him no. Clay didn't bother replying, just pressing the call button and waiting for his friend to accept.
"Hey, how was your gourmet meal?" Nick asked with a chuckle, referring to the bowl of cereal that Clay had posted on twitter. "Very good I'll have you know." Clay replied.
They fell into easy conversation, and it was times like these that made Clay forget he was even a mute. Talking with Nick was like an escape from the normal social strain he felt when he had to interact with other people. His anxiety seemed to melt away when he was met with Nicks chill personality. He felt safe in the voice call with his friend.
He only wished the same could be said about George.
Their conversation rattled on as Clay worked through the video, editing away as they talked about random things.
"Oh, I forgot to mention, I told George." He mentioned, cutting up more audio and adding background music. He flinched when Nick yelled a very loud "Shit! You're lying!" into his ear.
"Oh." He replied quietly, his confidence wavering from the loud reply. "Sorry Dream, I didn't mean to yell like that." Nick said frantically, hoping his friend wouldn't disconnect the call.
"Its okay." Clay muttered. His cocky quips were gone as his anxiety spiked. He knew that Nick didn't mean it but it brought back a wave of unpleasant memories. "I think I'm going to log off now..." he added, about to hang up the call.
"Wait, Dream, what did George say?" Nick asked as gently as he could, hoping that he wouldn't be answered with the familiar sound of someone leaving the chat. "Dream?"
"He took it well." Clay said before disconnecting from the call. Nick closed his eyes and swore under his breath. He had gotten too comfortable and raised his voice. Now his friend was probably shaking and on the verge of tears. At least he didn't just stop talking like last time, which showed growth, but even so, he had a long way to go.
Clay shut off his monitors and grabbed his phone. He wasn't going to let himself cry this time, not now. He crawled into his bed, curling up in the blankets and opened his phone. He absently opened up his messages and clicked on Georges contact. Hopefully he was still awake.
Patches had moved herself to behind his head, her purring helped calm him to an extent so now he wasn't nearly as anxious as he had been a couple minutes ago.
He looked at the screen and typed on his phones keyboard, sending a simple message praying that his friend was still awake and able to answer him.
"Hey are you up?"
A|N
hot diggity dog
backstory hints? Patches content? idk man dont ask me.
I think i forgot to mention but this is a partial slow burn so like idk
feedback it greatly appreciated and always helpful!
- wowie :)