"Jamie?" Charlus struggled to get up, blood was sprouting out of his mouth, "Jamsie!"
Ash struggled to put Charlus down, who kept yearning to get up.
It had been the dead of night when the guards brought Charlus back, he was broken, near-death, and spewing blood like he'd severed his carotid artery. There were blackened bruises all over his body.
They'd left his face untouched, mostly. There was a mere bruise over his eye.
The pain must've been blinding because Charlus was crying, rolling in the dust with the pain. There must've been internal bleeding because there was no blood on his body.
"I'm Ash," he tried to pin him down, "I'm Ash."
"Jamsie!" He kept on crying, "I'm sorry Jamsie... I'm
so sorry!"
"I'm..." he wanted to say his name again but something in him refrained him from correcting the crying man, "it's okay... Jamsie says it's okay."
A heave of relief took over Charlus as he looked at him with tears in his eyes. "How... how can it be easy when you're dead... and I'm old... I'm sorry Jamsie! I'm so sorry Jamsie!"
How can it be okay when you're dead and I'm alive... It took Ash some time to understand what his words meant, their magnitude, and weightage.
Jamsie... James... Charlus had mistaken Ash as his father, James Raider.
"It's all right," Ash felt his throat clog up, "I'm sorry too... sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" He cried, "it's you who's dead... I'm... I'm..." he burst into a heavy cry.
"It's... okay, Charlie," he didn't know what his father called him, Charlie was a long shot.
"I'm sorry..." he kept muttering, "I didn't want to... I didn't want to... I'm sorry... mate... I'm sorry jamsie..."
"There is no need to be..." he tried to shift Charlus's weight from his bad leg, "...mate, there is no need."
His words didn't mean anything to Ash, after all, he wasn't the right person to coddle him, the right person had died more than twenty years ago.
"How... how do you know..." a smile crept upon his face, "...you... you don't have your... glasses..."
"I... I had LASEK,"
Charlus smiled despite the pain. "You... bloody... hated those things..." he was starting to slip away.
"I did-didn't mean it."
There was an ominous silence for some time which was broken when Charlus said, "I... I didn't either... I never meant it when I said you were better off dead... I didn't want to kill you... let's go shoot that bloody musical... Jamsie."
Ash had banged the bars of the prison every chance he got, Charlus was barely breathing, his abdomen was tender... he was dying.
Was that the reason Charlus could never face Ash? Was he overpowered by the guilt of murdering his best friend and Ash's father? After all, he couldn't even bare to look him in the eye.
You can't die, he often told Charlus, not while you still owe me the truth.
They took Charlus again, Ash thought he might never see him again. Gary would've loved it and at some point, Ash would've too but he needed Charlus alive... to ask him what he'd meant.
He wasn't going to hate another person without a cause.
But Charlus came back, still unconscious but healthier than he'd been.
"He had surgery," said the guard, "they need him alive."
He tossed a few pills towards Ash which he caught swiftly.
Why do they need him alive? He asked himself, I have as much clearance as him.
But then it struck him, they needed him alive just to kill him again.
The most painful kind of torture.
Ash had sacrificed his sleep, just to watch over him. In case he woke up and Ash was asleep. His body was pumping adrenaline as if it was a flight or fight, struggling to keep him awake.
His prayers were answered when a groan escaped Charlus's lips. His eyes fluttered open and met Ash's. "Jamsie?" He said, but quickly shut up after he realized it had been twenty-five years since his death.
Charlus sat up with his hand over his abdomen and eyes on the ground, still refusing to see Ash.
When he couldn't take it anymore, Ash said, "Jamsie... he was my father wasn't he?"
Charlus didn't answer nor did he lookup.
"You said... somethings when you were injured... sorry Jamsie, Sorry for not being there, sorry for saying you were better off dead... sorry for killing you."
There was a heavy sentiment in his voice, Charlus cringed after recognizing it, he had heard it before, on a particular day he dreaded the most. The day he killed James Raider.
"It's been more than twenty years..." he felt his throat clog up, "still a day doesn't pass by when I don't miss your bloody father."
Ash gulped.
"James Apollo Raider, a grade ten motherfucker." A chuckle escaped his lips, "ah, James... Jamsie... James Jamsie Apollo motherfucking Raider."
Ash wanted to defend his father's honor but something told him Charlus wanted to do it more than him.
"A day... a day doesn't go by when I don't miss that little shit... Jamsie Raider, he was my brother, my kin, my only family... you have no idea the bond we shared."
"I do," he answered, "Gary and I grew up together."
Charlus scoffed, "You're not half the friends Jamsie and I were."
"Is that why you killed him?"
For the first time, Charlus looked at Ash, his eyes were on the verge of tearing up, the bruising on his eye had melted down, it was now in a bittersweet lilac color. Despite the predictions, Charlus didn't cry. He looked away from Ash and towards the metal bars.
"The last time I was here, you father sat there," he pointed at the corner furthest from Ash, "we weren't alone, there was another... Stephan Jorum... Serena's Grandfather. Our flighter had crashed, Jamsie and I were in the cockpit... we hadn't suffered much damage but Stephan... he had suffered the worst damage. They put us all in this cell, James sat there, I sat here and Stephan... he... he died there." He pointed to where Ash was sitting, he shifted away. "They weren't going to release us and the Chamber couldn't track our fighter because we were off the grid, on our way to a rescue mission, it was all James's idea, the person meant a great deal to him."
"Who?" He croaked.
"Delia... your mother." A smile crept upon his face, "he was crazy for her, there was no stopping him when the subject was of dear Delia. So he came up with a crazy idea... Stephane's bone was sticking out of his body, James said a prayer and pulled it out to be used as a lever."
Ash was about to get sick.
"Horrible affair," Charlus shook his head, "I hurled my guts once we got off, his bone still in our hands. We got off, of course, it was James after all, once he set his mind to something, there was no stopping him. Especially if it was anything remotely related to Delia. I still remember Mark's face when we handed him his father's bone... the absolute horror... it was terrible."
Serena better not hear this, Ash though.
"What's that got to do with you murdering him?"
Charlus looked down, "Everything," he said morbidly, "James loved Delia with all of his heart, unfortunately, that meant he... he forgot about me... his brother, his friend. But it was okay, for I found Bethany, we were about to have Gary but... James said something. I lost my mind, we had a spat and I said terrible things, said that I wish it was he who was killed here on Citadark Island instead of Stephan. He pushed me, I pushed him, he told me to fuck off and I did... I went away abandoning my post to watch over him.
"By the time I returned, which was just a few hours after the spat, I had a strange feeling in my gut that something terrible had happened but the feeling was stupid because it was Jamsie, my Jamsie, my brother. Of course, nothing was going to happen but... but..."
"But it did," Ash said.
Charlus nodded, "The garden was a battlefield, Delia was unconscious in a puddle of her blood, and James... James was dead with a gaping hole in his body, his arms spread out wide and his glasses askew... his eyes were still open, his pupils dilated. Delia later told me how many people came to kill James. Of course it wouldn't have made it any better if I was there with him... at least I would've died with him.
"I should've gone over and helped Delia but I was busy crying over his body... screaming and screaming... I don't remember what happened next but I was pulled apart by someone, I reckon it was Mark. I gave him a punch which broke his teeth or two but he held me, restrained me. Despite my awful demeanour. That was the last I saw of him."
Ash looked up, his eyes glittering with pain and tears. "Didn't you go to his funeral?"
Charlus shook his head, "He wouldn't have wanted me to and I... I couldn't bring myself too." He had tears in his eyes which he wiped with the sleeve of his black shirt. "I killed him, Ash, I killed James Raider. If I wasn't such an idiot, if I wasn't so stuck up, I never would've left my place and James would be alive right now, signing those God awful songs and..." he looked at him, "... you would have a father."
This time, it was Ash who didn't meet his gaze.
"You look like him, like Jamsie, you're his carbon copy. I can't bear to look at you because it reminds me... reminds me of my failure and... I'm sorry I killed your father Ash... I'm sorry."
Ash wanted to say it was in the past but he couldn't bring himself to. From what he'd heard about his father, he would've forgiven Charlus, so long ago that this would've been old news.
But Ash wasn't his father. Charlus had made it perfectly clear.
But before he could've said something rather harsh and unpleasant, the door to the prison opened once again and within a few seconds, Charlus was gone.